Roger Goodell doesn’t have a beard or take a horse-and-buggy to work. But according to Internet reports, the NFL’s commissioner is Amish.

He must be to have come up with a fan code of conduct. The NFL hopes to – and I hope you’re sitting down – make it easier for families to attend games.

By easier I mean you won’t have to cover your kids’ ears, shield their eyes or wear a raincoat in case the guy next to you throws up after drinking 31 beers.

That sounds like a good thing. But when the policy was announced last week, you’d have thought the Raider Nation had been banished to Gitmo without a trial.

“You’ve got to be (expletive) kidding me!”

“Start the (expletive) chant!”

“If they just want a bunch of wusses at the game they should take Ernie off the field and put Cinderella on the Jumbotron.”

Those were among the many disapproving postings on various fan Web sites. Call me an Amish wuss, but I’d like to thank Goodell for at least acknowledging there’s a problem. Among other offenses, fans will be banished for:

¢ Behavior that is unruly, disruptive or illegal in nature.

¢ Intoxication or other signs of alcohol impairment that results in irresponsible behavior.

¢ Foul or abusive language or obscene gestures.

¢ Verbal or physical harassment of opposing-team fans.

All of which raises the question: Who will be left if the NFL actually abides by these rules?

I’m kidding, of course. The majority of ticket holders are upstanding people who have never been to parole hearings held in their honor. It’s just that there’s a segment that considers it a civic duty to get drunk, cuss like a rapper and spit on visitors wearing a Cadillac Williams jersey.

“I’m 100 percent for the rules,” Paul Dowhos said.

He was wearing a Cadillac jersey Monday at the Bucs’ training camp. He and his family were visiting from Thunder Bay, Ontario, and have never actually been to a game.

“It is supposed to be a family atmosphere,” Dowhos said.

The Addams family, perhaps. Dowhos’ son turned 7 on Monday, and you cringed at the thought of what little Niko could be exposed to if he attended a typical NFL game.

There’s a good chance the worst thing he would encounter is a long line in the bathroom. There’s also a decent chance he’ll hear chants that would get his mouth washed out with soap. And heaven help Niko if he happens to sit in one of the areas that take pride in its rowdiness.

Oakland’s Black Hole is notorious, but I’m pretty sure half the people in the south end zone at a Bucs game would melt a Breathalyzer. If the NFL really wanted people to straighten up, it would ban alcohol sales.

(We pause now for the laughter to subside.)

Enforcing the new code will be tricky. If fans can’t be verbally intimidating, what’s the use of being a fan?

But there’s verbal intimidation; then there is screaming profanities.

There is enjoying a few beers; then there is turning into a slobbering fool.

There is having a good time; then there is ruining it for others.

If the new code has you cursing the commissioner, remember the NFL has to make games enjoyable to all its fans.

Those who are 7 years old. And those who just act like it.