Michele Silvey kisses her newborn baby Sept. 19 in Columbia, Mo. Silvey's troubled young family faces nearly insurmountable odds in finding work and somewhere to live.
Columbia. Mo. — At 22, Michele Silvey has already lived an exceptionally precarious life.
She said her mother was a mentally retarded alcoholic and drug addict who suffered from epilepsy. Michele was in and out of foster care from the age of 5 and was molested by her stepfather at age 10.
She has been in 16 different psychiatric wards, taken 32 different medications, lived in four different group homes and at one point was transferred to a juvenile boot camp for being uncontrollable.
Although she managed to steer clear of drugs, Michele did spend time in jail and juvenile homes for assault and theft.
"I never had somewhere to feel comfortable and was always on the run," Michele said. "I never had the structured family, the actual love, care and devotion that I'm trying to give my children."
Like many foster children in Missouri, Michele fell through the cracks in the system when she turned 17. She was discharged from Chillicothe Women's Prison but was not eligible for social services, including government health care and food stamps, until she turned 18.
'A vicious cycle'
Lana Jacobs, of the Catholic Worker House, has met many young people like Michele. She said that without life skills, they are vulnerable to being exploited or becoming exploiters themselves.
"It's a vicious cycle," Jacobs said. "How do kids that have no family and no support system deal with that?"
Michele first met Charlie Silvey when they were both children in the foster care system. He had already dropped out of school when they reunited in Columbia and began a relationship. They were married at the Boone County Courthouse on July 25, 2003. Charlie was 17; Michele was barely 18.
Colleen Coble, executive director of the Missouri Coalition Against Domestic Violence, said relationships are complicated in extremely vulnerable situations, such as Michele and Charlie's.
"If you find someone to be with," Coble said, "you don't let them go. Every bad thing is relative to what you know as being even worse. It's rational in that sense."
Not long after they were married, Michele learned she was pregnant.
Their daughter, Ka'Mel, was born on Aug. 11, 2004. She has severe neurological problems, including epilepsy marked by intense grand mal seizures. Doctors said she probably wouldn't live past the age of 2. Ka'Mel is now 3, with the brain development of a 1-year-old. She has trouble communicating, displays behavioral problems and requires frequent hospitalization.
The Silveys had their second child, Derek, on April 7, 2006. The family's life was relatively stable until last spring, when the roof of the mobile home they had been living in for more than two years collapsed after a severe storm.
Social services not enough
Kimberly Houberg, a resource parent specialist for Lutheran Family and Children's Services, met the Silveys shortly before they became homeless. Houberg is one of four social workers at Lutheran Services working with mothers age 22 and younger. Each of the four social workers handle an average of 30 cases.
Along with Lutheran Services, Michele has also sought and received help from almost every other social service agency in town, as well as churches and individuals. Michele and her children receive health care through the Medicaid program, which covers prenatal care and regular checkups. Michele also receives $342 a month through the federal Temporary Assistance for Needy Families program, which has a five-year lifetime cap.
"Columbia has a great deal of agencies that can help, but there is such a high need, and we can't meet every need every time," Houberg said.
The most difficult challenge for the Silveys has been finding safe, clean, affordable housing. Because Ka'Mel's epilepsy is so severe and Michele suffers from seizures as well, even temporary housing is difficult to secure: Most shelters are reluctant to take in people with serious medical problems.
In addition, the Columbia Housing Authority has a long waiting list. Michele applied for a subsidized apartment in May, but she was told in September that she'll have to wait another nine months.
Liz Hager-Mace, regional director of the Missouri Department of Mental Health, said the CHA has followed federal guidelines and done away with policies that once gave preference to people in emergency situations.
"Even if you are homeless, you go on the list behind others who aren't," Hager-Mace said.
Jacobs estimates that there are 800 to 1,000 people in the Columbia area who are homeless or at risk of becoming homeless, but the number is difficult to measure.
Chronic instability
In the case of the Silveys, Jacobs says, so many factors have converged, including Ka'Mel's health needs, the couple's lack of credit and job skills and Charlie's criminal record, that finding a stable home at this point is an almost insurmountable task.
"Chronic homelessness is a story with no beginning, middle and end, just chapter after chapter of instability," Coble said.
For now, Michele and the children are off the street, staying with Charlie's relatives. Michele has begun working at Labor Ready, which helps her find temporary jobs, and is scheduled to begin a vocational rehabilitation program in January.
Charlie, who is on probation and prohibited by court order from visiting his relative's home, has had trouble holding a steady job.
Everyone who has met and tried to help Michele and Charlie says that they love their children and want them to have a stable life. The question is whether love will be enough to break the cycle.
"Children grow up in the Third World all the time with nothing, but if they know love, they're going to be OK," Jacobs said. "Do her children know love? Yes, they do. Do they live a precarious life? Yes, they do. Does that make them different than 90 percent of the children in the rest of the world? No, it doesn't."
Comments
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Ragingbear (anonymous) says…
Hmm. If this were Lawrence, the response would be to give her a ticket out of town. So, what's the answer to this one?
Confrontation (anonymous) says…
Someone should've shown this woman how to get on the pill. It's sad that people feel they need to have children when they can't afford them and have their own mental issues.
tell_it_like_it_is (anonymous) says…
Why oh why do people like that breed. Its beyond me.
themiddlechild (mary smith) says…
the Columbia Housing Authority has a long waiting list. Michele applied for a subsidized apartment in May, but she was told in September that she'll have to wait another nine months.
Although she managed to steer clear of drugs, Michele did spend time in jail and juvenile homes for assault and theft.
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In fact, it only takes a couple of months to get into those subsidized apartments if you don't have a history of assault and theft and been in jail.
Ragingbear (anonymous) says…
~~In fact, it only takes a couple of months to get into those subsidized apartments if you don't have a history of assault and theft and been in jail.~~
Hmm. I have a clean criminal record and I don't do drugs. Yet it took me 16 months. Housing application list in KC have a 2 1/2 year waiting period. Topeka temporarily suspended new applicants a few years ago due to overload. You don't know what your talking about.
This comment was removed by the site staff for violation of the usage agreement.
dbrm4ever2006 (Bobbi Reid) says…
middlechild, you are so wrong about the waiting period. The list here for section 8 is over 2 years, and it is around 6-12 months to get into edgewood. It took us 18 months to get approved in Independence, MO and by that time we had already gotten a place here in Lawrence. The lists are long no matter what your criminal background.
shockchalk (anonymous) says…
I'll leave that to you scene, you're the professional at it.
KU_Dude (anonymous) says…
Scenebooster,
Thanks for ruining the enjoyment that I used to get when I listened to your cd. I'll never listen to it again. I might as well throw it in the trash.
Thanks.
Valkyrie_of_Reason (Kathy Getto) says…
Confrontation (Anonymous) says:
Someone should've shown this woman how to get on the pill. It's sad that people feel they need to have children when they can't afford them and have their own mental issues.
____________________________________________________________________________
Oh, you mean the Prevention First Act, which would give full funding of Ttile X, expand access to services through Medicaid, require equality in contraceptive insurance coverage, protect rape survivors' access to emergency contraception in the emergency room , improve awareness about EC generally, and protect teens' health through medically accurate, real sex education? Now, what was I thinking? That would go against all that Bush and the conservative rightwing believe to be right - you know, the citizenship documentation requirement, faith-based, abtsinence only HIV/Aids "programs" , even though the government's own report shows the abstinence restriction is harmful and should be eliminated.
Everyone has the right to choose when or whether to have a child, and every child should be wanted and loved.
shockchalk (anonymous) says…
No, it's you. It's easy to find in all of your posts. An arrogant, prideful, narcissistic attitude that allows you to attack everyone else while convincing yourself that you are right. Typical sceenebooster........so sad.
Wilbur_Nether (anonymous) says…
Well, here's a thread that started at rock-bottom, then began digging.
The_Original_Bob (anonymous) says…
"Well, here's a thread that started at rock-bottom, then began digging." Wilber
Hoo haa!!!
janeb (anonymous) says…
1. She said her mother was a mentally retarded alcoholic and drug addict who suffered from epilepsy.
2.Michele was in and out of foster care from the age of 5 .
3.molested by her stepfather at age 10.
4.Michele has also sought and received help from almost every other social service agency in town, as well as churches and individuals.
6.She has been in 16 different psychiatric wards.
7.taken 32 different medications.
8. lived in four different group homes .
9.at one point was transferred to a juvenile boot camp for being uncontrollable.
10.Michele first met Charlie Silvey when they were both children in the foster care system. He had already dropped out of school when they reunited in Columbia and began a relationship.
11.Their daughter, Ka'Mel, was born on Aug. 11, 2004. She has severe neurological problems, including epilepsy marked by intense grand mal seizures.
12. Ka'Mel is now 3, with the brain development of a 1-year-old. She has trouble communicating, displays behavioral problems and requires frequent hospitalization.
13.Charlie, who is on probation and prohibited by court order from visiting his relative's home, has had trouble holding a steady job.
There's the receipe for a great home life and family. State dependant for the long haul. Every tax payer has the right to say Stop supporting these people.
This comment was removed by the site staff for violation of the usage agreement.
badger (anonymous) says…
In 1993, I joined a group at the University of Missouri that did Sexual Health Awareness Peer Education. A couple of years later, we were asked to give a presentation at a care facility known as the Front Door House. It's a good bet young Ms. Silvey passed through its doors at one time or another; it was a home for girls who had difficulties in foster care, the last chance for 9-15 year olds before juvie. We thought they might be a little young, but figured that we'd catch them early with education. We gave the first half of our two-part presentation, promised to return the next week, and left. Halfway back to campus, we pulled over because our driver was crying too hard to see the road. It was that bad there.
We thought we were pretty savvy, knowledgeable, sophisticated folks, as college sex ed teachers. But hearing a fourth-grader casually discussing the mechanics of oral sex with her ten-year-old best friend, the two of them arguing over technique like other girls argue over which boy band is cuter, it broke our hearts. There was no innocence there at all.
We asked the coordinator how it happened, how they got so jaded so young. She said that the foster care system just taught them things years before they were emotionally ready to know them. I said, "They learn this from the other girls?" She looked at me sadly and said, "No, the older boys. This isn't theoretical knowledge." Most of the girls there had serious emotional issues stemming from molestation by parents, step-parents, family members, foster parents, or authority figures.
Two months after our second presentation, I was in Peace Park in Columbia. Suddenly, I was surrounded by screaming girls, hugging me and holding on as if for dear life. The Front Door girls were on a field trip, and they remembered all of us, because to them we weren't college kids. We were a rare commodity, adults who treated them with kindness and respect, who didn't judge them or talk down to them. We took three hours out of our lives to do something nice for them, and that was rare enough to be a special event. Even now, that experience breaks me a little.
When you grow up in a system like that, you don't have coping skills or life skills that will help you build a healthy family life. This woman's doing the best she can. Maybe she 'shouldn't breed', but who are you all to tell her that? She's been beaten and brutalized by a system that's incredibly efficient at destroying childhoods and innocence and hope, and the fact that she's holding together at all and trying to make something worthwhile out of her existence tells me she's a remarkable person just for the effort.
KsGirl (anonymous) says…
Well said Badger.
shockchalk (anonymous) says…
Sceneloser...Thanks for recycling some of my post. I could easily do the same with your hateful drool but I don't have 7 or 8 hours to list all of them. The only difference is I am usually reacting to someone elses bashing and you are "attacking" someone, which says a lot about you as a person!
shockchalk (anonymous) says…
As I said before, I don't have 7 or 8 hours to list all of your negative and abusive insults.
No, you couldn't comprehend the best I've got.
I haven't fallen at all............I just decided that trying to intelligently converse with you on different subjects wouldn't work for a number of reasons.
1-You are never wrong........actually, what I mean is that you can never admit that you are wrong which makes it very difficult to discuss anything objectively with you.
2-You are hateful and insensitive...........you prowl around, waiting to attack me, and others, with no regard to facts or opinions.
3-You lie......... actually what I meant was you lie ALOT. I understand why, to some extent. You suffer from low self esteem and you are extremely insecure. You want to show everyone how "right" you are by cutting and pasting every little comment you can, no matter how ridiculous the source.
I hope that you can turn things around before you hit rock bottom.......but hey, if you can't, it's okay. Once you are there, the only way to go is up.
artichokeheart (anonymous) says…
Here we go again with the bleeding hearts over the poor children. Do tell what kind of life is this 3 year old that functions like a one year old going to do with her/his life. I suppose the child and the sibling will eventually end up in foster care then the cycle can repeat all over again.
Made_in_China (Paul R. Getto) says…
And what would you do with this child, choke?
Don't worry, honey - this one family won't diminish your welfare benefits, and those of your children and grandchildren.
workin2hard (anonymous) says…
You people are the most insensitive jerks i have ever read. Anybody can be on the street if one thing after another goes wrong. Some having to survive at a young age have no resources or don't know where to find them. They live the best way they know how. Some are doing well and then you have a natural disaster like what happened in Lousiana or a corporate disaster like Enron. You just never know until you walk in another persons shoes. All i ever see is finger pointing and who can come up with the best insult on these posts and its the same people over and over again. So if you all feel the need to insult one another try this one on for size. Its clear most of you suffer from terminal stupidity.
tell_it_like_it_is (anonymous) says…
I am no Bush loving right-wing whack. In fact I've been accused of being a down right liberal loon. But common sense is common sense. These people should not have kids. Okay. They've got 2 kids now that they need lots of help with. Fine. We have to deal with the family they've got now. You can't just turn them out. I understand that. But what in the world is wrong with saying that they should be strongly discouraged from having more kids?
Rabbitgoesthump (anonymous) says…
I dont see the point on trying to get on a waiting list for section 8 in lawrence.
Lawrence is already expensive and lacks jobs, why dont you move somewhere cheaper that has jobs, even flipping burgers
My thoughts are, If your homeless and cant even raise or take care of yourself have an abortion, That way your not wasting taxes on welfare and your not raising a kid who will end up just like you...
lawrencechick (anonymous) says…
These people need help now...but it is getting down right annoying to see so many young women choosing to get pregnant who are in no financial or emotional shape to have kids. Not only are they not embarrassed about it , but so many I know feel entitled to be supported through Medicaid the rest of their life and keep right on having kids.
coolmom (anonymous) says…
i am ashamed at some of humanity at this point. how sad. walk a mile in their shoes.
denak (anonymous) says…
What is sad about all this is that these two individuals are 22 years old and already so many people have counted them out.
Personally, I think there is a lot more to this story than is being told. I really don't think they have a chance in "heck" of making it, but at least, they are trying which is a whole lot more than a lot of parents years older than they are.
In fact, I would say in many ways, they are pretty typical of the type of parents whose children end in foster care. They have no familial support, they have drug and alcohol issues, they have criminal backgrounds, and they have anger/emotional issues and I'm willing to bet that their IQs aren't as high as they should be.
I'm not saying this to be mean, just to point out that these two people have A LOT of challenges to overcome and dealing with two young children, one of them with a major disability, can not be easy and yet, as I stated earlier, they are trying. And as long as they keep trying and they are keeping their children safe from any type of abuse, they should get the help that they need in order to survive.
For all of those out there who like to cast stones, lets see how well you would do in their situation.
Dena
themiddlechild (mary smith) says…
Anonymous user
dbrm4ever2006 (Anonymous) says:
middlechild, you are so wrong about the waiting period. The list here for section 8 is over 2 years, and it is around 6-12 months to get into edgewood. It took us 18 months to get approved in Independence, MO and by that time we had already gotten a place here in Lawrence. The lists are long no matter what your criminal background.
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I am talking about the housing in Columbia, MO where I have lived for the past 7 years. I was one of the lucky ones that it only took me 2 months to get into a section-8 housing.
I am only speaking from experience, of course I don't know much about the housing program in Lawrence or other areas.
deec (anonymous) says…
Its ironic that the folks on this forum who are generally opposed to birth control and abortion are the ones screaming the loudest about how this married couple should not have children.
When Margaret Sanger advocated for women controlling their fertility, particularly poor women and women with medical problems, its eugenics and its Bad! Bad! When tighty righties do it, its good.
50YearResident (anonymous) says…
These are the type of people Lawrence is attracting by being so "Homeless Friendly".
From Denak above: In fact, I would say in many ways, they are pretty typical of the type of parents whose children end in foster care. They have no familial support, they have drug and alcohol issues, they have criminal backgrounds, and they have anger/emotional issues and I'm willing to bet that their IQs aren't as high as they should be.
deec (anonymous) says…
Involuntary sterilization..maybe its God's plan for this married couple to have children.
Confrontation (anonymous) says…
If it's God's plan, then why don't the religious folks give her a place to live, food, clothing, a job, etc.?
Also, don't you just love those on here who cry about the torment of getting on Section 8, yet they can obviously afford the internet?
Confrontation (anonymous) says…
I seriously doubt that all the low-income posters on here are using the library computers.