You can tell college football's regular season is almost over. The arguing has begun.
Which teams deserve a title shot? Who's getting shafted? What will we see first, a playoff or a Martian president?
Things always get contentious, but this year could set the record for holiday angst. If all goes as planned, West Virginia and Missouri will play for the national title.
We pause now to let Woody Hayes do a 360 in his grave.
Old-school guys never could have imagined such a thing. The good news for them is nothing has gone as planned this season, which is why the Mountaineers and the Tigers would make for a perfect BCS Championship Game.
The only thing more suitable would be if Appalachian State got in. It got this whole ball of bizarreness going when it beat Michigan. The entire season was through the looking glass.
Nebraska turned into Kansas. Kansas turned into Notre Dame. Notre Dame turned into a pumpkin. Ron Zook turned into Vince Lombardi.
Nothing made any sense any more, which is how Missouri is now No. 1. The Tigers didn't even make the Top 25 until a month into the season. Now they are two wins away from pulling a BYU.
Historians still get to 1984 on the list of NCAA champions and go, "What the . . .?" From what I recall, every other school gave up football that year for Lent.
Explaining this season is even harder. At some point, perhaps after Jim Leavitt was asked to pose for Playgirl, it became easier to just sit back and enjoy the madness. Well, the smart people went to Vegas and bet the house on Weenie U. to upset Established Power.
But wait, West Virginia and Missouri fans say. We're not weenies!
All I know is what my pompous football friends tell me. USC is playing better than anybody. Ohio State deserves a Zook mulligan. West Virginia and Missouri would never survive in the SEC.
We could argue those things until the BCS kickoff, and a lot of people will. I spent Monday trying to convince myself Missouri is really No. 1. After six or seven drinks, it made a bit of sense.
I found out Missouri was really good about 40 years ago, but most of those players have graduated. And the Tigers have an excellent quarterback who was recruited by only Missouri and the Harry S Truman Hairstyling Academy.
The Mountaineers aren't quite as obscure. Rich Rodriguez has built one of the country's finest programs in West Virginia. The problem is most of America thinks West Virginia's governor is Jed Clampett.
It's actually Joe Manchin, and he does not plan to bet a jug of moonshine on the BCS Championship Game.
I'll defend West Virginia to my death against such myths, but I can't get past the fact South Florida has beaten the Mountaineers two years running. That alone makes them a BCS outcast.
But if they beat Pitt this weekend they'll be like Jed, Granny, Jethro and Elly May, packing up the truck and moving to New Or-leens.
Go ahead and look down your noses, but a national championship would mean a lot more to little old Mizzou than big bad Ohio State or USC. Same with the Mountaineers, even though that means Leavitt might proclaim USF the rightful champion.
Whichever team wins, historians are going to look back on 2007 and go, "What the . . .?"
A season this insane deserves a champion that will drive people crazy.