Some of us still are trying to figure out what Lovie Smith’s threshold for poor behavior is when it comes to his players. Is there anything that makes him mad?

Does it take a felony? Or would, say, four misdemeanors and a Denver boot do the trick? What about some combination of speeding tickets, court fines and a citizen’s arrest? Would that bring a snarl to his lip?

Tank Johnson’s problems with guns, pit bulls and late-night carousing didn’t seem to hack off the Bears coach publicly in any appreciable way. Smith acted more like a disappointed favorite uncle.

Ricky Manning Jr.’s troubles with the law brought bouquets of forgiveness from Smith.

Lance Briggs totals his car the other morning, abandons it, calls 911 to say it has been stolen, then calls back to say, no, it hasn’t – and Smith doesn’t blink, unless it’s to wipe away a tear of thanksgiving that air-bag deployment wasn’t necessary.

But ask Smith if he had inquired of his linebacker whether alcohol might have been involved in the one-car accident in the wee hours, and the guy gets snippy and dismissive with reporters.

If I’m a Bear, I’m looking into forgery and embezzlement as a way to supplement my salary. I’m deer hunting out of season to put food on the table. I’m getting into racketeering just to be able to get an up-close approximation of Tony Soprano.

Imagine the positive public response if, for once, Smith said he was getting sick of dealing with these problems.

Imagine the relief some people would feel if Smith said: “This is just ridiculous. Being a professional athlete is not a license to behave badly. I’m tired of looking like a fool while trying to make excuses for these guys.”

All Smith seems to imagine is that he will lose the respect of his players if he publicly criticizes them for not acting like men.

So we get this from the Lovester about the reports involving Briggs: “Hearsay, I don’t go on a lot of that.”

It’s like Ernie Banks always says: Let’s exonerate two!

Smith doesn’t cry wolf. He cries lamb. One of his players could be holding a gasoline can and standing near a house fire, and Smith would complain about fuel prices.

So don’t ask who picked up Briggs after the crash. Don’t ask what Briggs was doing out at 3 a.m. Don’t ask why Briggs isn’t in more trouble for lying to the 911 dispatcher. Just don’t ask.

Whether Briggs needs to be suspended is up to the NFL, which hasn’t shown much in the way of left-wing leanings lately. But it sure would be nice to see the Bears do something other than put a positive spin on a negative story.

Instead, they seem to be more interested in “getting out in front of the story,” as public-relations people like to say. Limit the damage and all that.

By having Briggs admit he “panicked” (who hasn’t?) when he called 911 to say his Lamborghini had been stolen (who wouldn’t?) and then called back to say his car hadn’t been stolen (what integrity in realizing his mistake!), the Bears hoped to be able to head off more controversy involving one of their star linebackers.

And isn’t that the important thing?

Not that another one of their players was in trouble.

Not that he lied.

Not that he broke laws.

Why would the thought go through anyone’s mind that a man who crashed his car and then left the scene of the accident might have enjoyed a few drinks beforehand? What silly reasoning. No, Smith seems to be saying, Briggs was probably out tutoring someone.