It is known and dreaded by parents and adolescents alike — the “Talk.”

The story of the birds and the bees is as old as the struggle parents have in telling it.

But doctors now suggest the conversation take place much earlier than adolescence. Parents should begin at infancy, said Jill Walters, an assistant professor of psychology at Hardin-Simmons University in Abilene, Texas.

“As kids are little and starting to speak, they learn the parts of their bodies and what their names are,” she said. “Parents should start to teach them at home what is appropriate as to what private areas and zones are.”

Especially at preschool age, Walters said, children start to notice differences between boys and girls. “That sets the foundation for later on when they start to talk about bigger issues,” she said.

Tom and Lori Copeland said their own parents did not talk to them about sex. Lori Copeland said she learned from her two older sisters, and Tom Copeland said his mother gave him a book. Without much parental direction of their own, they wanted to provide their children with guidance and a values-based, ongoing conversation about sex.

The Copelands, both professors at Hardin-Simmons University, said they have tried to create an atmosphere of openness and understanding for their daughters, Jordan, 16, and Katie, 18.

“It’s kind of opposed to the notion of there’s this time we have to have this big talk,” he said. “That would make anyone scared.”

Having an open dialogue is important to teenagers, who need reassurance and a basis for decision-making, the Copelands said.

“Some parents are scared to talk about it because they think it makes their kids excited or interested,” Jordan Copeland said.

When parents are confronted with questions about sex, they should try to determine what their child is really asking and answer at an age-appropriate level, Walters said.

For example, a 4-year-old who asks, “Where do babies come from?” isn’t really asking about intercourse, Walters said. “Find out what the kid is really asking instead of what we’re afraid they’re asking,” she said.

The time to start talking about intercourse is when the child is 8 to 10 years old, Walters said.

When that talk begins, Walters said, it’s important for parents to clarify the uses of sex. Having sex can be good or bad, depending on how or when it is used, she said.

The consequences of having sex too early are more than just physical. Teens tend not to have long-lasting relationships and often spread rumors about each other after breakups, Jordan Copeland said.

“It’s more damaging mentally,” she said. “It’s just not worth it. You might as well just wait.”

To avoid problems, parents should address the emotional consequences as well as physical, Walters said.

“We need to be really careful to start answering questions in the way the child will understand. Not just, here’s what the act is, but this is about love and this is about people who care about each other,” Walters said.

Showing the benefits of a loving, lasting relationship is one way the Copelands have tried to persuade their daughters to wait until marriage.

Jordan Copeland said seeing that her parents love each other makes her more secure about waiting.

Although no one wants to think their parents have sex, she said, “If you can’t tell if they’re in love, then you think, ‘Well, it didn’t work out for them, so I might as well start now.’ “

Using examples from television and movies helped create an ongoing conversation about values in the Copeland home.

“We used that to talk about what we believe or think,” Tom Copeland said. “There are all kinds of examples to teach kids as you go, to create an atmosphere about learning about sex.”

Part of teaching children about sex is to allow them to make their own decisions after providing examples, information and values, Lori Copeland said.

“Not only can you not shield them, you also have to allow them to view other perspectives and make their own decisions,” she said. “You want to instill these values before they are 12 or 13 years old.”