San Francisco ? For 10 years, Bryan Nadeu strutted in the Gay Pride parade as part of a marching band, hammering out a beat on a drum while wearing a rainbow-plumed hat. But that was B.F. — Before Fatherhood.

Now, with a 14-month-old toddler in tow, he has other things to worry about while preparing for today’s San Francisco parade: Baby backpack or stroller? Will there be diaper-changing stations? And how to retreat if his kid melts at the loud music and crowds?

“It’s like I’m figuring out how I can be a father and still be gay,” Nadeu said.

With 32 percent of same-sex couples now raising children, according to the 2000 Census, organizers of gay pride parades across the nation have had to rethink their notions about a tradition founded on celebrating sexual freedom and challenging the status quo.

In New York City, which also has its Pride parade today, the local Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Community Center is sponsoring a children’s entertainment area for the first time. “Family gardens” have sprouted at Pride events in San Diego, Seattle, Columbus, Ohio, and Austin, Texas.

Steven Boulliane and Olivier du Wulf will march with their sons, Laurent, 3, and Patrice, 2, in the San Francisco parade, along with about 200 other moms, dads and children from Our Family Coalition, a support group for gay parents.

They asked for a kid-friendly spot in the lineup, hoping to avoid a repeat of last year — when their stroller brigade was awkwardly sandwiched between two groups of leather-bound sadomasochists.

“I don’t want my kids to see that, and I don’t think either side was too pleased,” said Boulliane, 35.

No one knows how many U.S. children have gay, lesbian, transgender or bisexual parents, although the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force estimates 1 million to 9 million.

These parents are making their influence felt beyond once-a-year gay pride events, transforming social dynamics both within and outside the gay community.

Gay and lesbian parents also have become their community’s ambassadors to schools and other public institutions, breaking down stereotypes and biases, said Lisa Bennett, director of the FamilyNet project of the Human Rights Campaign.

“It’s the most powerful thing I’ve seen that is changing public perceptions,” said Bennett.