Tokyo ? I did not come here to make fun of anyone, but it’s just so easy. Especially when you come from Orlando, where millions of foreigners wander around in a tourist haze. You know, the checkered shorts and brown socks. The strange customs. Could they be that goofy at home?

Clue No. 1 for Japan — A $1,200 Elvis wig for sale outside a 1,400-year-old temple.

What kind of person buys a $1,200 Elvis wig, even one with muttonchops? I wandered through the temple, veered into an alley and was almost run over by a man wearing a kimono and an Elvis wig.

At least I think he was a man. I wish I knew. Or maybe I don’t.

Like all but seven people in Tokyo, the person spoke no English. The encounter became just another mystery of the Orient.

I’m leaving Japan with quite a few, thanks to the NFL. They sent the Bucs here to play the Jets in Saturday’s American Bowl. That’s the extent of today’s sports info, because the trip was about much more than football.

“I saw some things I never thought I’d see,” Jon Gruden said.

He would never say the locals were funny. Then again, he wasn’t in the men’s room at the Tokyo Dome Hotel when the lady walked in and started cleaning the sink.

I thought it was a little weird, but nobody else seemed to notice. Course, they were all Japanese. Among the week’s other observations:

There is no trash in Tokyo, which is fortunate because there are no trash cans. Not that anyone noticed when I tossed that banana peel into a planter. They were all staring into their cell phones.

Everybody has at least one, only they don’t talk into them. They walk around holding them in front of their faces. I assume they’re all checking their email or the internet. Or maybe scanning for a restaurant that doesn’t charge $7 for a small glass of Diet Coke.

I don’t know what I’ll miss most about dining out in Tokyo. The prices, or having absolutely no clue what I was ordering. I do know the food was a healthy change of pace.

Broccoli — the Breakfast of Champions!

At least the service was always excellent. One waitress didn’t even laugh when I wiped my hands with a steamed towel, then put it in the container on the table. How did I know it was the soup bowl?

Then there was the day I went to a gym with a free workout coupon from the hotel. The women at the desk stared at it in confusion. They eventually got a manager, who knew about four English words.

“Breakfast,” he sort of said.

Turns out I’d given them coupon for the hotel buffet. The locals again were nice enough not to laugh, at least until I left. I started wondering who the goofy one really was. Then I met Gretchen Hill.

She’s from Wisconsin and stationed at a Navy base outside Tokyo. Her brother, Craig, lives in Orlando.

He’ll be happy to know his Packers fan sister was not only wearing a plastic cheesehead to Saturday’s game. She also wore a cheese bra.

“I’m waiting on a cheese thong,” Gretchen said.

I’ve never been so proud of our Armed Forces. I still don’t know what the deal was with the guy in the Elvis wig. But at that point, I realized I should say one thing to Japan before leaving.

Sorry.

And I’ll never again laugh at anyone wearing checkered shorts and brown socks.