I married my husband, the second for each of us, 15 years ago. I am now 62 and he is 69. We are both retired, and have no children together. He told me that he had three children by his first wife, but I never met them. Although I found it strange, his children never even called him, and he never talked about them or his first wife.

Then, out of the blue, I received a call from a woman who identified herself as my husband’s wife. She told me that after their youngest child had completed high school, he left her, but they were never divorced. She told me that she had hired a lawyer and wanted her share of his assets. After getting over the shock, I asked him and he admitted it all, apologized, and asked me to stay, telling me that he would get divorced from her. But since I don’t think I can trust him any more, I don’t know if I want to live with him. I have made a 15-year economic and emotional commitment. My money is tied up in our home, and we have joint bank accounts. We have filed joint tax returns as married people. I have put off going to see a lawyer because I didn’t want to hear what I would be told. What should I do?

If he and his wife were not divorced, then you and he were never married. The result would have been the same had he obtained unilateral foreign divorce from his spouse. Therefore, you should immediately consult with a skilled matrimonial lawyer due to the very complex issues that you are about to face.

If his wife sues for division of marital property and alimony, you will have to become a party to that action to protect your interests and to extract your assets from the commingled mess. Since you are not his wife, you may not be entitled to continue health insurance on his company health plan (you should take a look at the terms of the plan), and you will not be entitled to a spousal share of his retirement. Should he die, his wife not you will receive the wife’s share, but you will probably have to be a party to that proceeding because your assets and his are so intertwined. If the property you and he acquired is titled in his name, you may be required to bring a suit to compel transfer of your share under the constructive trust theory in order to keep him and his wife from becoming unjustly enriched. And then there are the potential income tax issues that may have to be dealt with.

Depending on how a state’s alimony law is written, there is precedent that an innocent wife can receive permanent alimony in an annulment proceeding based upon “equitable principles” where she was the innocent victim of fraudulent acts. But we wouldn’t count on that happening.

Bottom Line: Before you marry, insist on seeing a certified copy of the divorce decree. If your intended doesn’t have one, find out in what state and county the divorce was rendered and get your own copy from the court.