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Posted by David Lignell on September 27, 2009 at 9:34 p.m.

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Something Unexpected

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Regardless of your faith or epistemology, have you ever had an experience you couldn’t explain? Call it coincidence or divine intervention, but something or someone who saved you at the moment you needed saving?

Let me give you example.

We were driving the 750 miles back to Lawrence after visiting relatives in Michigan this summer. Several hours later, driving south on highway 35 at night I began to have difficulty breathing. Nothing serious at first, but as the miles ticked by I realized that I was beginning to get less and less oxygen into my lungs. I have asthma, but I haven’t had an attack in years. I wasn’t panicked yet, but I began to feel as if a wet blanket were laid over my lungs causing me to labor more and more to get air.

I rolled down the window and took a deep breath, but it didn’t help. After another 30 miles on a desolate highway south of Des Moines, I told my wife that we would need to find someplace to stop and fairly soon. As my throat constricted I felt the panic rise inside me. I stopped the car and stood on the roadside trying to catch my breath. She said she was going to call 911, but I told her to wait a minute to see if the outside air would help.

Now here’s the miracle: it was 11:30 P.M on a Sunday evening and we had been driving over 600 miles. I was hopeful we might find an emergency center in Kansas City, but that was over an hour away and I wasn’t sure what condition I would arrive in. As I stood outside deciding what to do I looked up and saw a sign for Cameron that I hadn’t noticed before. From where I stood, the wind was blowing a tree branch away from the sign so I could read it for a moment until the branch swayed back to occlude the sign. If was as if the branch were swaying back and forth to be noticed.

It was only a few miles away so we decided to drive there to seek help, and if none were available, to call 911 if I got worse.

Within a mile of driving, however, we saw a well-lighted exit sign for Cameron Regional Medical Center. It was a sprawling oasis amidst a dark, rolling prairie and just a stone’s throw off the highway. I was rushed in, given a mixture of gases to inhale, and two shots to reduce the inflammation. Soon we were on our way and both amazed at the convenience and sudden appearance of the facility, which seemed to materialize out of nowhere only moments after we had made our emergency decision.

There have been other examples of intervention that have happened to people I know and love, but none so recent and personal as this life-giving breath was to me.

How about you?

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Posted by David Lignell on September 11, 2009 at 5:15 p.m.

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What’s Your Redemption?

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One of my favorite movies is the Shawshank Redemption.

Here's the plot:

In 1967, Red is finally released on parole after serving 40 years at Shawshank. Red is afraid of "the outside", dreading living in fear, worried that he would end up committing suicide once outside of the prison's strict regime. Red recalls his promise to Andy, his friend who had been paroled earlier, and heads to a place Andy told him about. He finds a small metal box containing money and a letter from Andy. In the letter, Andy reminds Red: "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies". Red then violates his parole and travels to Mexico, eventually reuniting with Andy on the Pacific coast. Both of them are elated and hug each other when they meet.

While redemption in your life doesn’t have to be nearly as dramatic, if you’re human and alive, you’ve had opportunities for redemption. Whether or not you’ve chosen to act upon them is another story.

Here’s a redemption example from my past. When I was 18, I made a poor choice that included drinking and driving. After a party, I drove on a desolate highway over 200 miles into Northern Michigan and dimly remember the honking of an oncoming car when I drifted across the divider line. The car swerved and drove on and I parked and exited my car. I remember the snow flakes floating around me as if to say, “I cover the living and dead alike.” I walked in the countryside for several hours until the sun rose and I was reasonably sober. I promised myself then and there that I would never again find myself in a similar situation in the future, and I haven’t since. That was over 30 years ago and it still rings as fresh as Traverse City cherries in July.

Perhaps I haven’t earned the credit, but my kids have turned out – so far into their teens -- as decent citizens and wonderful people. They have been exposed to the same risky behaviors as I was, but have chosen to make their own, healthier choices.

That’s my redemption.

What’s yours?

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Posted by David Lignell on August 29, 2009 at 10:06 p.m.

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Epitaphs

As defined by Wikipedia, an epitaph is a short text inscribed on a tombstone or plaque honoring a deceased person.

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After a quick Google search, I found a few of my favorites:

The best is yet to come - Francis Albert Sinatra

There goes the neighborhood - Rodney Dangerfield

Called back - Emily Dickinson

I had a lover's quarrel with the world - Robert Frost

And away we go! - Jackie Gleason

Now he belongs to the ages - Abraham Lincoln (by Edwin M. Stanton)

Excuse my dust - Dorothy Parker

I told you so, you damned fools. - H. G. Wells

After reading several epitaphs, I began thinking what I might write for my own grave marker when I pass beyond this world. Here’s one I wrote when I was eighteen and struggling with my own religion. The writing strikes me now as adolescent, but I still like the message which was one of healing:

The pale translucent moon

a ring through laden cloud

glows brighter in the heavens

beyond its earthly shroud

Here’s an alternate epitaph, “A Heated Assignment,” which I wrote for a humor e-zine awhile ago:

Here lies a writer

inspired with words

tho' seldom a story he'd sell

Now he's productive

with Satan his agent

and endless assignments in Hell!

How about you? If you had to sum up your life in a few words, what would they be? Go for the clever or the contemplative, but share the words with us that would characterize you in this life…and beyond.

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Posted by David Lignell on December 21, 2007 at 11:21 p.m.

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How to Survive a Family Gathering Over the Holidays

Imagine arriving at the home of a relative for a holiday celebration. You see your nephews and nieces playing tag in the backyard, unleashing laughter that permeates the air. The front door opens and the aroma of a tender roast envelops you. Your Aunt, the one who calls you "Cookie," greets you with a hug and a kiss. She tells you how wonderful it is that everyone can be together again.Unfortunately, our image of an ideal family gathering doesn't always match the reality of the visit. What should be a time to celebrate with family can also be a time of increased stress. And while we might look forward to visiting our relatives, we're also aware of the tension that sometimes accompanies the visit.So how do you keep the tension down and the season merry? Here are a few tips you can use to stay sane at your next family gathering. SET BOUNDARIESMike Black, a counselor with the DCCCA center, defines a boundary as "a personal definition of what's comfortable and uncomfortable" in a social setting. Black adds that because psychological and social boundaries are unique to each individual, it's important to communicate them with family members. If you are uncomfortable discussing religion or politics, for instance, than you'll need to say so if pressed to air your views, or just tactfully change the subject.The purpose of a boundary, then, is to let certain things into our lives while keeping other things out. But be sure to seek a balance, too. If your boundaries are too weak you'll feel like a doormat, and your resentment will grow proportionally. If your boundaries are too rigid, you'll risk alienating others by shutting them out. You'll build up feelings of loneliness and isolation as a result. The healthy alternative is to not only have well-defined boundaries of what you consider acceptable and unacceptable behavior, but also to be flexible enough to let go of the little things when they occur.LET GO OF ITAuthor Elaine St. James talks about "letting go" of expectations you believe other people have of you that may be too rigid or unrealistic. She adds that often what you think are other peoples' expectations of you are the ones you conjure up for yourself. They are expectations that reside only in your mind. For example, you don't have to bring the most expensive gift or cook like Julia Child. No one expects it. Conversely, the host doesn't need to decorate the home like Martha Steward.And remember, children will be excited over the holidays. Accept it and give them some slack. It might be tempting to discipline someone else's child for what you consider rude behavior, but think again. Unless there is an immediate threat of danger, you probably shouldn't assume the role of surrogate parent. Instead, share your concern with the child's parents. While you might not agree with their solution, you'll respect their boundaries and avoid a possible rift.GET SOME FRESH AIRThe American Psychological Association (APA) estimates that as many as 85% of all patient visits to doctors are stress related. As it turns out, one of the best antidotes to stress is fresh air. Getting outdoors and breathing in the extra oxygen can measurably increase your blood circulation and decrease your anxiety.Local musicians Soren and Kristen Larsen get their dose of fresh air when they slip away for a walk between dinner and dessert."It's become an accepted tradition when we're at my parents for Christmas," said Kristen. "And we enjoy the cold air and natural setting." They suggest, however, that you limit a walk to about thirty minutes. Anything longer, according to the Larsens, and you risk a gentle reprimand for holding up dessert.ASK TO HELP OUTOne sure-fire way to reduce anxiety at a gathering is to get involved with preparation or cleanup tasks. A Topeka professional I know offers to clean the dishes at his mother-in-law's every holiday. He says when you have twenty relatives gathered in a small, single-story farmhouse for the day, there's always a potential for some tension. Keeping busy with a task is a good way for him to stay on his best behavior. By turning his attention to a specific task, he's able to shift focus from his anxiety and relax with his family.SEE AS A CHILD SEESScientist and author Rachel Carson wrote The Sense of Wonder in 1952 to describe how a child's world "is fresh and new and beautiful, full of wonder and excitement." She asserts that for a child to nurture a sense of wonder into adulthood, he or she needs "at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering:the joy, excitement and mystery of the world with live in."What better way to reduce stress than by telling stories, playing games, making crafts or drawing pictures at the next family gathering? Not only will the children have fun, they'll also enjoy an adult who spends time with them. Plus, you'll rediscover what it's like to lose yourself in the fun and creativity of play.BE A FIRST-RATE GUESTDon't forget your manners during the family visit. Syndicated columnist and etiquette guru Mary Mitchell suggests a few basics that apply whenever you are invited to visit someone's home, especially a relative's home."Remember to say 'please' and 'thank you,' and 'you're welcome,' and 'excuse me,'" said Mitchell. In short, treat your relatives with respect.Also, remember to bring a small gift to the host when you arrive. Keep it inexpensive under $25 and think of something specific to the occasion: A poinsettia plant for the fireplace mantle, a plate of the family's favorite cookies, or a good supply of grandmother's favorite Earl Gray breakfast tea.Finally, don't get so comfortable that you overstay your welcome. The more you extend the golden rule to family members, the more likely you'll be treated with respect and kindness in return.Now find a quiet place and dim the lights. Lie back in your favorite chair, breathe deeply, and close your eyes. Imagine the family gathering again: Can you hear the children laughing? Can you smell the roast? Can you see your Aunt smiling at you, her arms outstretched? It's that time again, and now with a few simple tips, you're ready to start the celebration.

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Posted by David Lignell on December 8, 2007 at 5:42 p.m.

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The Gift of Regifting

Over the holidays my father, a Lutheran minister, would receive gifts of appreciation from his congregation. Senior citizens sent him brick-shaped fruitcakes, which he said made excellent paperweights. The funeral home delivered a box of steaks, which none of us would eat because of the associations we made. But the Church members who attended only on Christmas and Easter, known as the "C & E crowd," selected gifts with a more religious theme. They wanted to alleviate their guilt and they're the reason dad received more praying-hand bookends each year than dollars in the collection plate. You've probably seen the praying hands before: they're simply hands made of baked clay and pressed together in holy reverence. Dad had a collection of them in his office, on our bookshelves, and in several boxes in our basement. My brother and I even had praying-hand battles, lining up the miniature versions to face each other as if soldiers massed for an all out slapping war. Every Christmas Day one member of the family received the dreaded gift. The praying hands became the "hot potato" of the holiday season. If you got stuck with one, you had to devise a creative way to get rid of it. It became a high sport and soon spread beyond Christmas to birthdays and other special occasions. Sometimes it was wrapped in newspaper, addressed to the victim, and topped with a stick-on bow. Other times it was placed in someone's car, in the days before car alarms and automatic locking systems. Or, it would find its way into a kitchen cupboard or linen closet, where the holy icon would lay dormant until the victim discovered it days later. Over the years the tradition eventually faded away. More and more the family visits became filled with an underlying tension not uncommon during the hubbub of the holidays. When we accepted a job offer and moved to Kansas, we knew the get-togethers would become less frequent. But after a few months in our new home we drove back to Michigan for a Christmas visit. We reunited with family at my brother's house and reminisced about the praying hands. Dad had been retired for several years and no longer received the clay demons. So, it appeared no one had to worry about receiving the re-gifted hands ever again. We drove back to Kansas the day after Christmas and arrived home late at night. I felt sad as I began unpacking the next day. Had we made the right decision moving to Kansas? Would we ever make our way back to Michigan? I unpacked our suitcases and sorted through the dirty clothes. When I opened the last suitcase and dumped the clothes on the bed, out tumbled underwear, balled socks, and the praying hands.

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