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Epitaphs
As defined by Wikipedia, an epitaph is a short text inscribed on a tombstone or plaque honoring a deceased person.
After a quick Google search, I found a few of my favorites:
The best is yet to come - Francis Albert Sinatra
There goes the neighborhood - Rodney Dangerfield
Called back - Emily Dickinson
I had a lover's quarrel with the world - Robert Frost
And away we go! - Jackie Gleason
Now he belongs to the ages - Abraham Lincoln (by Edwin M. Stanton)
Excuse my dust - Dorothy Parker
I told you so, you damned fools. - H. G. Wells
After reading several epitaphs, I began thinking what I might write for my own grave marker when I pass beyond this world. Here’s one I wrote when I was eighteen and struggling with my own religion. The writing strikes me now as adolescent, but I still like the message which was one of healing:
The pale translucent moon
a ring through laden cloud
glows brighter in the heavens
beyond its earthly shroud
Here’s an alternate epitaph, “A Heated Assignment,” which I wrote for a humor e-zine awhile ago:
Here lies a writer
inspired with words
tho' seldom a story he'd sell
Now he's productive
with Satan his agent
and endless assignments in Hell!
How about you? If you had to sum up your life in a few words, what would they be? Go for the clever or the contemplative, but share the words with us that would characterize you in this life…and beyond.
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29 August 2009
at 10:31 p.m.
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RoeDapple (Anonymous) says…
Here lies old Roe,
Dead in the dirt.
If you needed a hand,
He'd give you his shirt.
If you needed a dollar,
He'd give you a dime,
He woulda give more,
But he ran outa time….
29 August 2009
at 10:36 p.m.
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liggyon (David Lignell) says…
Hilarious, Roe!
Always knew you could turn on a dime.
29 August 2009
at 10:43 p.m.
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RoeDapple (Anonymous) says…
Thanks Dave…
Our dog Toby went into convulsions this evening and died within the hour.
Guess I needed a little grave site humor myself…
http://www.keeshondlovers.com/Tobyx.jpg
29 August 2009
at 10:54 p.m.
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liggyon (David Lignell) says…
Sorry to hear about Toby, Roe. Great picture, though.
We have a dog, Ko-Ko, and two cats, Loki (the crazy) and Bo (the cool). I understand what wonderful companions they can be and how bonded we can become with them. My thoughts are with you on the loss of your companion animal.
Take care.
30 August 2009
at 12:25 a.m.
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tangential_reasoners_anonymous (Anonymous) says…
Who was that masqued man?
30 August 2009
at 12:51 a.m.
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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…
Things changed for the worse when her braces got permanently locked up on the roller coaster of life.
30 August 2009
at 1 a.m.
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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…
That, or I'm considering putting photos of all the guys I should have married…instead of my photo in that little oval acrylic frame, how about those I tossed aside and regretted it later?
LOL! This comes from emailing with an old girlfriend, we were talking about old times, hehehe.
How about shocking your relatives after you die, with photo 'notches on your tombstone'? You guys could finally confess to how many girls you've actually..er um…dated. I've got a friend, I know how many women he's dated…not even his wife knows…too funny. I know another man, his last wife didn't know how many wives he had had before her. Perhaps the tombstone is the time for confessions.
Here they lay my body down,
I have four wives all over town.
30 August 2009
at 6:48 a.m.
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liggyon (David Lignell) says…
Mult,
wonderful thoughts…and confessions! Loved the “roller coaster” entry.
30 August 2009
at 7:50 a.m.
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Logan72 (Alia Ahmed) says…
David,
Great blog. It reminds me of Steven Covey's suggestion to write your own epitaph as a guidepost for how to live your life. How would I want to be remembered? Here lies a loving mother and grandmother and a loyal friend.
30 August 2009
at 8:13 a.m.
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autie (Anonymous) says…
Here lies Autie
he is dead and gone
But not to worry
he won't be gone long
He'll visit the trade routes
that he never knew
Cause just out of spite
he's coming back as swine flu
30 August 2009
at 8:16 a.m.
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autie (Anonymous) says…
Here lies old Bob
Sorry you missed it
one poor lad
that choked on a biscuit
30 August 2009
at 9:36 a.m.
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classclown (Anonymous) says…
This comment deleted for violating Terms Of Service.
Although that would be more applicable to other people here.
30 August 2009
at 9:37 a.m.
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Irish (Irish Swearingen) says…
Roe, sorry about Toby. My cat Thomas Patrick O'Neil died twenty years ago and I still miss him. We always called him our democat.
Metamorphosis complete,
Say my name three times,
And, I will be there.
30 August 2009
at 9:47 a.m.
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jonas_opines (Anonymous) says…
You don't Really think I'm down there, do you?
30 August 2009
at 9:53 a.m.
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charliejohnson (Anonymous) says…
Mr. Johnson writes: Life was not meant to be a journey to the grave in a pretty and well preserved body but rather to skid in broad sided, thoroughly used up totally worn out and loudly proclaiming “wow…what a ride!!!!!”
30 August 2009
at 9:58 a.m.
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charliejohnson (Anonymous) says…
What about the dude in Independence that has the cartoon character on his stone, with “that's all folks” written under it.
30 August 2009
at 9:59 a.m.
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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…
Oh David, you probably missed it, but I wrote a one like class' not long ago. I suppose if I had a really tall marker, this one would be appropriate. Just change it to past tense.
“I wake up all too often
and have to leave the bed.
I'd much prefer to lie there
and rest my weary head.
I come to this recliner
not wanting to partake
of any more bombardments
the Internet can make.
Bad feet will not consider
a trip to the TV,
to change another movie
and I really need to pee.
So once again you'll find me
sitting where you read me last,
at least I have not sat so long
my skin is sticking fast.
That WOULD be just the ending,
for you to read about my fate,
“What happened to Old Multi…
haven't heard from her of late?”
They found her where she always was,
her mouse in hand, eyes crusted.
The URL read by the cop
“One millionth comment posted”
-Multidisciplinary, Aug 18th 2009”
30 August 2009
at 10:11 a.m.
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autie (Anonymous) says…
For all the folks for me they are missin…
think of it this way
I've just gone fishin.
30 August 2009
at 10:27 a.m.
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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…
charlie, so that explains is so true.I'd read that, love it every time. Thanks for posting it again.
♦
Here she lies, a good friend. We'll miss her.
(Actually, MIB revoked her Resident Alien Card and sent her home.)
♦
This marker is just for looks.
She asked to be cremated,
Her ashes placed in an open box on the
South side her Mother's grave.
Mom was buried sans Pledge.
Could make her come right
up out of that casket.
Daily. Bring popcorn.
30 August 2009
at 11:50 a.m.
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justbegintowrite (Ronda Miller) says…
Sun/rain fell on face
Kissed lover under full moon
Souls transcend all time
Wonder of senses
Grass tickles now from above
Pain and pleasure, one
Gateway between thighs
Over soul connects with All
Time is meaningless
Come to screeching halt
Pulled through life and death's hallways
Campfires in the Sky
Trust in the process
Open for new adventure
Cosmos provides ride
30 August 2009
at 12:03 p.m.
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camper (Anonymous) says…
Nice blog David.
Maybe my epitath could be a take on the great Yogi Berra saying:
Heaven is so crowded,
Nobody goes there
30 August 2009
at 12:35 p.m.
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liggyon (David Lignell) says…
A friend just emailed one to me that said, “This is gonna hurt,” suggesting I might be going to the other place :-)
These are all great…keep 'em coming. Beautiful poem, Ronda.
30 August 2009
at 1:06 p.m.
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jonas_opines (Anonymous) says…
Hey! Quit stepping on my head!
30 August 2009
at 1:08 p.m.
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liggyon (David Lignell) says…
No, the treasure isn't hidden here!
30 August 2009
at 1:11 p.m.
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tangential_reasoners_anonymous (Anonymous) says…
My tombstone to the left of Ronda's (nothing beneath either)…
To Die For —>
30 August 2009
at 1:11 p.m.
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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…
Oh David, that is so funny.
I should suggest that for my ex.
Not only is he through his mean behavior possibly going to that other place…but he's in a contender for the world's biggest weenie and hypochondriac.
The all around perfect epitaph. Best part, he wouldn't get all of it. At least not right away.
30 August 2009
at 1:19 p.m.
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liggyon (David Lignell) says…
tange,
Hope there's nothing underneath either stones, at least not for a few more decades.
multi,
When I think about people who have annoyed me in the past, such as weenies and hypochondriacs, I imagine how they would annoy each other in Satre's “No Exit.” Somehow the thought of excessive babblers, egomanics, and excessively judgmental pr**ks stuck in a room together without windows or doors, and for all of eternity…well, it brings a smile to my face. Try it sometime. It's very therapeutic!
30 August 2009
at 1:22 p.m.
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liggyon (David Lignell) says…
Oops! That should have been Jean-Paul “Sartre,” who wrote “No Exit” as an existentialist play about hell.
30 August 2009
at 1:47 p.m.
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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…
Twilight Zone..Five Characters in Search of an Exit
30 August 2009
at 1:54 p.m.
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liggyon (David Lignell) says…
Love the Twilight Zone. Know the episode well. It was adapted from Petal's short story “The Depository,” and inspired by Jean-Paul Sartre's No Exit. Same idea. Still, I wonder if we need a room at all. People with extreme lack of self-awareness (at least regarding a negative impact on others) tend to seek each other out.
God bless 'em all!
30 August 2009
at 2:07 p.m.
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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…
@ dave..Hmm..does this also apply to how those who argue incessantly seem to flock together on the threads?
http://i64.photobucket.com/albums/h17…
http://www.democraticunderground.com/…
30 August 2009
at 2:13 p.m.
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tangential_reasoners_anonymous (Anonymous) says…
[insert crescent moon]
Here I lie,
broken-hearted
Bought this plot,
now departed
30 August 2009
at 2:37 p.m.
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RoeDapple (Anonymous) says…
Here's one, though someone didn't think so…
http://crazy-jokes.com/pictures/tombs…
and another..
http://themishmash.typepad.com/photos…
a third….
http://www.dragons-eye.com/tombstone-…
Aw heck, you can have the whole thing ;-)
http://images.google.com/images?hl=en…
30 August 2009
at 3:45 p.m.
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liggyon (David Lignell) says…
multi…
“…does this also apply to how those who argue incessantly seem to flock together on the threads?”
No, vultures seldom flock together; they work together in wakes. However, they do feed off the dead and decomposing, who are the only ones willing to read their posts.
tange…
Did you write that? Sounds so familiar, but very clever.
Roe…
Do you mean…*sniff*…that Santa is…*waaah*…DEAD?
30 August 2009
at 3:57 p.m.
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tangential_reasoners_anonymous (Anonymous) says…
Seems like I read it somewhere… can't seem to produce it, right now…
I must be mentally constipated…. Maybe later….
30 August 2009
at 3:58 p.m.
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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…
My family had an old vacation photo, B&W, 3X3 square of a skull set high up on a rough wooden pole cross. It had a sign hanging on it, perhaps held between the hands of the skeleton, I can't remember. I used a magnifying glass to read it.
I was the youngest, don't know if I went on this trip or not. I believe I was told this was a place my mom called “Idy Kasson's'. Eye-dee. That is my spelling of it, I have no idea what the real name is. She was from the GA, AL area, and would have had vacations to FL, GA, etc.Could be other places though. There are photos at the beach, etc. She talked of this place very familiarly.
In the 80's I think I recall watching some water skiing event on a Saturday sport show and hearing one of the announcer's mention Idy Kasson's and I believe they were at Busch Gardens. I wondered if they were one and the same, or one had taken over the other.
I think this post and sign were at that park, and I wondered if it is still up, like old attractions in the old parts of Disneyland.
I'm mentioning it in hopes someone will also know about it. I once found a reference to Idy Kason's online, but can find nothing now.
“I was once alive like you are now,
But I complained and hollered anyhow…”
I can't remember the rest, but it was quite funny.
The photo hasn't turned up in Mom's things, and that makes me so angry, she went through and just tossed photos I'd looked at my whole childhood since she didn't care for them anymore.
30 August 2009
at 4:06 p.m.
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liggyon (David Lignell) says…
No idea, multi, though it sounds interesting. Also tried to google various combinations, but nothing. Maybe post it as a blog with your story background. Someone should be able to recognize it. It's the six degrees of separation thing, eh?
30 August 2009
at 5:01 p.m.
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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…
You know, the internet really bugs me. One time you find something, you don't book mark it, and later you can't find it. Or you do save it, or send the link to someone, then they go to see it and it's gone, you can't get it either.
Like last night I find two family photo links to a library in Liberal Ks, and neither work. Nothing else about that library on the web.
30 August 2009
at 5:24 p.m.
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Pywacket (Anonymous) says…
My poor old grandma, no matter what big or little annoyance befell her, would always declare, “Everything happens to me!” as though everyone else's life was a bed of roses.
We used to joke that when she died, we'd put that on her grave stone. Of course we didn't… but I still think it would've been perfect! ;-)
30 August 2009
at 7:12 p.m.
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liggyon (David Lignell) says…
Pywacket…I can think of someone who would lament the opposite: “Nothing ever happens to me!”
Only I would add to the latter one…”until now.”
30 August 2009
at 7:21 p.m.
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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…
Or..How's this working for ya?
30 August 2009
at 7:38 p.m.
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liggyon (David Lignell) says…
Multi…even better! Love it.
30 August 2009
at 7:59 p.m.
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schula (Anonymous) says…
Here lies Schula
A good friend and listener to anyone who needed her
She will be missed
30 August 2009
at 8:58 p.m.
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classclown (Anonymous) says…
I lived __ years and all I got was this lousy tombstone.
30 August 2009
at 10:24 p.m.
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Pywacket (Anonymous) says…
David~ Even better if they were buried side by side.
30 August 2009
at 10:46 p.m.
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tangential_reasoners_anonymous (Anonymous) says…
Waitaminit… it's coming…
…
Nope. Still blocked.
[ sigh ]
30 August 2009
at 10:51 p.m.
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Marion (Marion Lynn) says…
Epitaphs for “philosophers”:
Monty Python:
“The Philosopher's Song”
Immanuel Kant was a real pi**ant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya'
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away;
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And Rene Descartes was a drunken f**t: “I drink, therefore I am”
Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pi**ed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s1MgCV…
31 August 2009
at 7:05 a.m.
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liggyon (David Lignell) says…
Marion,
Now you have me pensive and contemplative to begin a Monday.
I'm sure I've never drunk as much as Plato, but I if had I'd definitely know “I had” the next morning — to modify the Descrartes quote. (Or I'd be in an early grave with something like, “I drank, therefore I died.”
31 August 2009
at 8:05 p.m.
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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…
Py that's funny.
1 September 2009
at 9:36 p.m.
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JackKats (Anonymous) says…
In all seriousness this is what I have requested on my tombstone:
He said “Your money or your life”
I assume he took my money also
1 September 2009
at 10:08 p.m.
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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…
JackKats sighting!
1 September 2009
at 10:19 p.m.
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JackKats (Anonymous) says…
where? When? Multi…I have told my kids for years to put that on my tombstone. Nothing like having someone walk through a graveyard and laugh. At least I hope they laugh when they (whoever they are) see it.
1 September 2009
at 10:44 p.m.
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liggyon (David Lignell) says…
Jackkats,
I think a good laugh celebrates all the best in life while accepting the certainty of death out of strength. Here’s one I came across that isn’t as funny as it is simple and honest:
Once I wasn't
Then I was
Now I ain't again
.
- Arthur C. Homan's epitaph (Cleveland, Ohio)
1 September 2009
at 11:49 p.m.
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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…
Yes, good to be creative. I wrote simple cute songs for all my kids to sing along in with the many lullabies I sang to them. When my daughter died young, we put her's, along with her artwork on her gravestone.
One day, I was out at the cemetery watering the many plantings of immediate family in that area, not far from her's. Another family was just wandering through, reading stones on a nice day. They strolled without really stopping, just looking.
That is until they came to my child's. It was heart warming to know what we had chosen for her stone was inviting and told enough of her story, to cause them to stop at take a few moments to see a bit of her life and wipe their eyes, yet smile.
She would have been proud to know all those things she had drawn on that big tablet on her easel were now immortalized in stone and people would see them forever.
She had a sense of humor and it showed.
2 September 2009
at 12:50 a.m.
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Marion (Marion Lynn) says…
liggyon (David Lignell) says…
Marion,
Now you have me pensive and contemplative to begin a Monday.
I'm sure I've never drunk as much as Plato, but I if had I'd definitely know “I had” the next morning — to modify the Descrartes quote. (Or I'd be in an early grave with something like, “I drank, therefore I died.”
Marion writes:
“Oh, well!”
2 September 2009
at 1:11 a.m.
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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…
I just got a 'coded' email, lol..that gave me an idea..
How about a upright stone. with a caption balloon coming from the bottom.
The words read,” Hic Sunt Dracones”
2 September 2009
at 1:26 a.m.
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Newell_Post (Anonymous) says…
“Remember friends as you pass by,
As you are now so once was I.
As I am now you soon will be,
Prepare yourself and follow me.”
— Traditional inscription
2 September 2009
at 12:18 p.m.
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Elrond (Anonymous) says…
“I Told You I was Sick”
Elrond
2 September 2009
at 6:33 p.m.
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anagram (Anonymous) says…
Dig here
|
|
V
2 September 2009
at 6:33 p.m.
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anagram (Anonymous) says…
I'm with ugly.
2 September 2009
at 6:34 p.m.
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anagram (Anonymous) says…
You should see the other guy.
2 September 2009
at 7:09 p.m.
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liggyon (David Lignell) says…
Anagram,
First I have you search in a cemetery, and now I write about gravestones. What would a psychology prof say about that?
“Just taking a well-earned rest…come back later.”
2 September 2009
at 7:45 p.m.
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Marion (Marion Lynn) says…
Anybody remember the headstone in Kansas someplace which has the guy's hot rod motor on it?
Can't remember where it is, though.
3 September 2009
at 12:19 a.m.
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anagram (Anonymous) says…
Dave - A psychology prof. would say your body of knowledge about such grave matters should stay buried. Okay, enough gallows humor for tonight, or I'll feel like a zombie tomorrow morning - must go rest in peace now 'cuz I'm dead on my feet.
7 September 2009
at 5:45 p.m.
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tangential_reasoners_anonymous (Anonymous) says…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LABdRi…
one word, none