Epitaphs

LJWorld.com weblogs The Zone

Posted by David Lignell August 29, 2009 at 10:06 p.m.

As defined by Wikipedia, an epitaph is a short text inscribed on a tombstone or plaque honoring a deceased person.

edinburgh_graveyard.jpg

After a quick Google search, I found a few of my favorites:

The best is yet to come - Francis Albert Sinatra

There goes the neighborhood - Rodney Dangerfield

Called back - Emily Dickinson

I had a lover's quarrel with the world - Robert Frost

And away we go! - Jackie Gleason

Now he belongs to the ages - Abraham Lincoln (by Edwin M. Stanton)

Excuse my dust - Dorothy Parker

I told you so, you damned fools. - H. G. Wells

After reading several epitaphs, I began thinking what I might write for my own grave marker when I pass beyond this world. Here’s one I wrote when I was eighteen and struggling with my own religion. The writing strikes me now as adolescent, but I still like the message which was one of healing:

The pale translucent moon

a ring through laden cloud

glows brighter in the heavens

beyond its earthly shroud

Here’s an alternate epitaph, “A Heated Assignment,” which I wrote for a humor e-zine awhile ago:

Here lies a writer

inspired with words

tho' seldom a story he'd sell

Now he's productive

with Satan his agent

and endless assignments in Hell!

How about you? If you had to sum up your life in a few words, what would they be? Go for the clever or the contemplative, but share the words with us that would characterize you in this life…and beyond.

Copy and paste the link:

LJWorld.com doesn’t necessarily condone the comments here, nor does it review every post. Read our full policy. Also, read about banned accounts and harassing comments.

RoeDapple (anonymous) says…

Here lies old Roe,

Dead in the dirt.

If you needed a hand,

He'd give you his shirt.

If you needed a dollar,

He'd give you a dime,

He woulda give more,

But he ran outa time....
August 29, 2009 at 10:31 p.m.
liggyon (David Lignell) says…

Hilarious, Roe!

Always knew you could turn on a dime.
August 29, 2009 at 10:36 p.m.
RoeDapple (anonymous) says…

Thanks Dave...
Our dog Toby went into convulsions this evening and died within the hour.

Guess I needed a little grave site humor myself...

http://www.keeshondlovers.com/Tobyx.jpg
August 29, 2009 at 10:43 p.m.
liggyon (David Lignell) says…

Sorry to hear about Toby, Roe. Great picture, though.

We have a dog, Ko-Ko, and two cats, Loki (the crazy) and Bo (the cool). I understand what wonderful companions they can be and how bonded we can become with them. My thoughts are with you on the loss of your companion animal.

Take care.
August 29, 2009 at 10:54 p.m.
tangential_reasoners_anonymous (anonymous) says…

Who was that masqued man?
August 30, 2009 at 12:25 a.m.
liggyon (David Lignell) says…

Mult,

wonderful thoughts...and confessions! Loved the "roller coaster" entry.
August 30, 2009 at 6:48 a.m.
Logan72 (Alia Ahmed) says…

David,

Great blog. It reminds me of Steven Covey's suggestion to write your own epitaph as a guidepost for how to live your life. How would I want to be remembered? Here lies a loving mother and grandmother and a loyal friend.
August 30, 2009 at 7:50 a.m.
autie (anonymous) says…

Here lies Autie
he is dead and gone

But not to worry
he won't be gone long

He'll visit the trade routes
that he never knew

Cause just out of spite
he's coming back as swine flu
August 30, 2009 at 8:13 a.m.
autie (anonymous) says…

Here lies old Bob
Sorry you missed it
one poor lad
that choked on a biscuit
August 30, 2009 at 8:16 a.m.
classclown (Class Clown) says…

This comment deleted for violating Terms Of Service.

Although that would be more applicable to other people here.
August 30, 2009 at 9:36 a.m.
Irish (Leslie Swearingen) says…

Roe, sorry about Toby. My cat Thomas Patrick O'Neil died twenty years ago and I still miss him. We always called him our democat.
Metamorphosis complete,
Say my name three times,
And, I will be there.
August 30, 2009 at 9:37 a.m.
jonas_opines (anonymous) says…

You don't Really think I'm down there, do you?
August 30, 2009 at 9:47 a.m.
charliejohnson (anonymous) says…

Mr. Johnson writes: Life was not meant to be a journey to the grave in a pretty and well preserved body but rather to skid in broad sided, thoroughly used up totally worn out and loudly proclaiming "wow...what a ride!!!!!"
August 30, 2009 at 9:53 a.m.
charliejohnson (anonymous) says…

What about the dude in Independence that has the cartoon character on his stone, with "that's all folks" written under it.
August 30, 2009 at 9:58 a.m.
autie (anonymous) says…

For all the folks for me they are missin...
think of it this way
I've just gone fishin.
August 30, 2009 at 10:11 a.m.
justbegintowrite (Ronda Miller) says…

Sun/rain fell on face
Kissed lover under full moon
Souls transcend all time

Wonder of senses
Grass tickles now from above
Pain and pleasure, one

Gateway between thighs
Over soul connects with All
Time is meaningless

Come to screeching halt
Pulled through life and death's hallways
Campfires in the Sky

Trust in the process
Open for new adventure
Cosmos provides ride
August 30, 2009 at 11:50 a.m.
camper (anonymous) says…

Nice blog David.

Maybe my epitath could be a take on the great Yogi Berra saying:

Heaven is so crowded,
Nobody goes there
August 30, 2009 at 12:03 p.m.
liggyon (David Lignell) says…

A friend just emailed one to me that said, "This is gonna hurt," suggesting I might be going to the other place :-)

These are all great...keep 'em coming. Beautiful poem, Ronda.
August 30, 2009 at 12:35 p.m.
jonas_opines (anonymous) says…

Hey! Quit stepping on my head!
August 30, 2009 at 1:06 p.m.
liggyon (David Lignell) says…

No, the treasure isn't hidden here!
August 30, 2009 at 1:08 p.m.
tangential_reasoners_anonymous (anonymous) says…

My tombstone to the left of Ronda's (nothing beneath either)...

To Die For -->
August 30, 2009 at 1:11 p.m.
liggyon (David Lignell) says…

tange,

Hope there's nothing underneath either stones, at least not for a few more decades.

multi,

When I think about people who have annoyed me in the past, such as weenies and hypochondriacs, I imagine how they would annoy each other in Satre's "No Exit." Somehow the thought of excessive babblers, egomanics, and excessively judgmental pr**ks stuck in a room together without windows or doors, and for all of eternity...well, it brings a smile to my face. Try it sometime. It's very therapeutic!
August 30, 2009 at 1:19 p.m.
liggyon (David Lignell) says…

Oops! That should have been Jean-Paul "Sartre," who wrote "No Exit" as an existentialist play about hell.
August 30, 2009 at 1:22 p.m.
liggyon (David Lignell) says…

Love the Twilight Zone. Know the episode well. It was adapted from Petal's short story "The Depository," and inspired by Jean-Paul Sartre's No Exit. Same idea. Still, I wonder if we need a room at all. People with extreme lack of self-awareness (at least regarding a negative impact on others) tend to seek each other out.

God bless 'em all!
August 30, 2009 at 1:54 p.m.
tangential_reasoners_anonymous (anonymous) says…

[insert crescent moon]

Here I lie,
broken-hearted
Bought this plot,
now departed
August 30, 2009 at 2:13 p.m.
RoeDapple (anonymous) says…

Here's one, though someone didn't think so...

http://crazy-jokes.com/pictures/tombs...

and another..

http://themishmash.typepad.com/photos...

a third....

http://www.dragons-eye.com/tombstone-...

Aw heck, you can have the whole thing ;-)

http://images.google.com/images?hl=en...
August 30, 2009 at 2:37 p.m.
liggyon (David Lignell) says…

multi...

"...does this also apply to how those who argue incessantly seem to flock together on the threads?"

No, vultures seldom flock together; they work together in wakes. However, they do feed off the dead and decomposing, who are the only ones willing to read their posts.

tange...

Did you write that? Sounds so familiar, but very clever.

Roe...

Do you mean...*sniff*...that Santa is...*waaah*...DEAD?
August 30, 2009 at 3:45 p.m.
tangential_reasoners_anonymous (anonymous) says…

Seems like I read it somewhere... can't seem to produce it, right now...
I must be mentally constipated.... Maybe later....
August 30, 2009 at 3:57 p.m.
liggyon (David Lignell) says…

No idea, multi, though it sounds interesting. Also tried to google various combinations, but nothing. Maybe post it as a blog with your story background. Someone should be able to recognize it. It's the six degrees of separation thing, eh?
August 30, 2009 at 4:06 p.m.
Pywacket (anonymous) says…

My poor old grandma, no matter what big or little annoyance befell her, would always declare, "Everything happens to me!" as though everyone else's life was a bed of roses.

We used to joke that when she died, we'd put that on her grave stone. Of course we didn't... but I still think it would've been perfect! ;-)
August 30, 2009 at 5:24 p.m.
liggyon (David Lignell) says…

Pywacket...I can think of someone who would lament the opposite: "Nothing ever happens to me!"

Only I would add to the latter one..."until now."
August 30, 2009 at 7:12 p.m.
liggyon (David Lignell) says…

Multi...even better! Love it.
August 30, 2009 at 7:38 p.m.
schula (anonymous) says…

Here lies Schula
A good friend and listener to anyone who needed her
She will be missed
August 30, 2009 at 7:59 p.m.
classclown (Class Clown) says…

I lived __ years and all I got was this lousy tombstone.
August 30, 2009 at 8:58 p.m.
Pywacket (anonymous) says…

David~ Even better if they were buried side by side.
August 30, 2009 at 10:24 p.m.
tangential_reasoners_anonymous (anonymous) says…

Waitaminit... it's coming...

...

Nope. Still blocked.

[ sigh ]
August 30, 2009 at 10:46 p.m.
liggyon (David Lignell) says…

Marion,

Now you have me pensive and contemplative to begin a Monday.

I'm sure I've never drunk as much as Plato, but I if had I'd definitely know "I had" the next morning -- to modify the Descrartes quote. (Or I'd be in an early grave with something like, "I drank, therefore I died."
August 31, 2009 at 7:05 a.m.
JackKats (anonymous) says…

In all seriousness this is what I have requested on my tombstone:

He said "Your money or your life"
I assume he took my money also
September 1, 2009 at 9:36 p.m.
JackKats (anonymous) says…

where? When? Multi...I have told my kids for years to put that on my tombstone. Nothing like having someone walk through a graveyard and laugh. At least I hope they laugh when they (whoever they are) see it.
September 1, 2009 at 10:19 p.m.
liggyon (David Lignell) says…

Jackkats,

I think a good laugh celebrates all the best in life while accepting the certainty of death out of strength. Here’s one I came across that isn’t as funny as it is simple and honest:

Once I wasn't

Then I was

Now I ain't again
.
- Arthur C. Homan's epitaph (Cleveland, Ohio)
September 1, 2009 at 10:44 p.m.
Newell_Post (anonymous) says…

"Remember friends as you pass by,
As you are now so once was I.
As I am now you soon will be,
Prepare yourself and follow me."

-- Traditional inscription
September 2, 2009 at 1:26 a.m.
Elrond (anonymous) says…

"I Told You I was Sick"

Elrond
September 2, 2009 at 12:18 p.m.
anagram (anonymous) says…

Dig here
|
|
V
September 2, 2009 at 6:33 p.m.
anagram (anonymous) says…

I'm with ugly.
September 2, 2009 at 6:33 p.m.
anagram (anonymous) says…

You should see the other guy.
September 2, 2009 at 6:34 p.m.
liggyon (David Lignell) says…

Anagram,

First I have you search in a cemetery, and now I write about gravestones. What would a psychology prof say about that?

"Just taking a well-earned rest...come back later."
September 2, 2009 at 7:09 p.m.
anagram (anonymous) says…

Dave - A psychology prof. would say your body of knowledge about such grave matters should stay buried. Okay, enough gallows humor for tonight, or I'll feel like a zombie tomorrow morning - must go rest in peace now 'cuz I'm dead on my feet.
September 3, 2009 at 12:19 a.m.
tangential_reasoners_anonymous (anonymous) says…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LABdRi...

one word, none
September 7, 2009 at 5:45 p.m.