A group of friends and I, several years ago, formed what can be best described as a drinking club. Or, if you want to seem palettable to polite society, a social club – one designed to help us drink in the culture of Lawrence, KS. Through drinking.

We meet, during the months of daylight savings time, at a different bar patio for happy hour, every other Friday. Hence the name – EOF. Over the years we have refined our processes; these days, we have a sophisticated voting system hosted at a friend’s personal website to determine our bi-weekly location. We also, this year, decided that in light of The Economy, we’d try having some EOF gatherings at our own houses, instead of paying to go to bars twice a month.

Mr. Meat and Potatoes and I will be hosting soon, and decided to make it into more than a happy hour. We see it as an opportunity. Usually, these things are sort of BYOB and we don’t make a big deal out of food – it’s just a “come, bring beer, sit around and drink” sort of affair. Usually the hosts will throw out a bag of chips or maybe a pot of chili if they’re really ambitious.

However, I cannot leave well enough alone. It’s in my nature to make things complicated, difficult, more stressful than they probably should be. So, our EOF will be a Diaper Party. We’ll provide all the food and drink, and people will have to bring us a pack of diapers, any size, to get in. The trick, of course, will be to not spend more on food and drink than we would on that many diapers, so as to make it worth our whiles. Also, because I can’t drink, I need something else to live for – and therefore will obsess over food and “mocktails” more than usual. It is my hope to dazzle my guests with food and drink to the degree that they don’t notice that my back yard has no grass or that my dog’s hair is falling out.

We determined a couple of weeks ago what grill you should buy, and we discussed what you should bring if you are a guest, but we haven’t discussed what you should actually PUT ON THE GRILL.

I could wear on for days about this – how to make the perfect hamburger patty, how to grill veggies to perfection, how to talk your husband into doing baked potatoes on the grill even though he’s ever-so-resistant… but I’ll try to pare it down to just what I’m planning to cook for the upcoming diaper-laden EOF. Gross, ya?

My goal here is twofold: I want things that will be interesting and delicious, and I want them to be relatively CHEAP.

With that in mind, last night I saw a value pak of pork chops on sale at Dillon’s, so I snatched it up, thinking it would be good EOF food, and a departure from the usual burger/brat fare. Drawback: it’s not hand food. We can’t have everything.

Really, you could practically slap a chop on the grill with nothing on it, and it would be good. But I like to dress it up a little, so here’s my Saucy and Spicy Latin Chop (doesn’t it sound sexy?):

Saucy and Spicy Latin Chop

Ingredients:
For Spicy Sweet Sauce….
• 4 mangoes, diced (skin removed, obviously)
• 2 peaches, diced (no skin)
• 1 small red onion, diced
• 4 T canned chipotle chiles in adobo, minced and SEEDS REMOVED (really, get ’em all out)
• 4 limes, juiced, no seeds
• 1 T sugar
• 1 T olive oil
• 1/2 a bunch of cilantro, chopped and stems removed
• salt and pepper to taste

For Latin Pork Chop Rub (sexy again, eh?)….
• 12 pork chops (mine are boneless, but whatever you have works)
• 4 T cumin
• 1/2 T salt (kosher, preferably)
• 1 T red pepper flakes
• 2 T brown sugar
• 1 T course black pepper

Step 1)
Get your grill ready. You want medium heat. This can take awhile, if you use charcoal, so plan accordingly. If you can hold your hand about five inches above the grill for several seconds, you have the right temp.

Step 2)
Make the saucy stuff – it’s really just kind of a chunky salsa. All you have to do is dump all the ingredients together. Be forewarned, those chipotles in adobo sauce are HOT – so adjust to your preference. I, for one, like to taste my food.

Step 3)
Sear the chops first, directly on the grill rack directly over hottest part of the coals, turning over once, until they’re good and brown (no one likes grey meat), about 3 to 4 minutes per side.

Then move them to the cooler edges of the grill, and cover them up with a roasting pan or some foil, until a thermometer tells you they are about 145 degrees. You might turn them once in there. This will all take about 12 minutes total. You want your chops to get to about 150 degrees, so if you cover them when you take them off the grill, they’ll continue to cook for a few minutes. This way, you avoid over-cooking. No hockey pucks, please.

Serve them with a little saucy love on top. Here, piggy piggy. Also, reserve some of that mango salsa – we made a lot for a reason. We’ll need it for other dishes. I love a good multi-tasker.

For the chicken part of the show, I think I’ll do this little brined chicken number. The thing is, I have never been big on grilled chicken. As my friend Ellen announced over dinner the other night, “I don’t want chicken unless it’s fried.” Amen, sister.

Still, some people are all healthy and might prefer a less fattening option, and some people, bless their wrong little hearts, don’t eat pig products. I never met a pig product I didn’t like. In fact, I was a vegetarian for several years, and it was a grilled pork chop that finally brought me to my knees and broke the spell.

The trick, I have found, to grilling chicken and not having it be bland and dry as an insurance meeting is twofold: 1) bone IN, people. 2) brine it.

Good Brined Chicken, Moroccan-Style

Ingredients:

For brine:
• 1 gallon cold water
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup kosher or sea salt

For chicken and garnish:
• 1 bag of frozen chicken parts with skin and bones (I like dark meat, so I usually go for drummettes, esp. at a BBQ. Hand food, you know…)
• 3 limes, cut into wedges

For spices:
• 1 tsp cayenne pepper
• 2 T coriander
• 4 T cumin
• 1 tsp course black pepper
• olive oil
• 3 T minced garlic
• 1/3 C Hungarian paprika
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 T fresh ginger
• 2 limes, zest and juice reserved and set aside

To brine the bird:
Bring the brining ingredients to a boil for 10 minutes or until salt is completely dissolved. Then move it to the refrigerator until it’s completely cool. Then set the chicken in it for 6 (or more) hours. I usually do this the night before.

To spice it up:
Remove the chicken from the brine and pat it dry. Then combine all the spices, ginger, the lime juice, and the lime zest in a bowl, and cover each chicken piece with it liberally. If you have time, it’s good to let this sort of marinate for awhile, but I never do and it’s always fine.

To cook and serve the bird:
Grill over medium heat, until it’s cooked through. Serve with lime wedges and any of the leftover lime/spice mix on the side, for extra drizzling.

And last, but not least, what would a BBQ be without a hot dog. I am not ashamed. I heart hot dogs. I am often tempted by hot dogs on kid’s menus, and jealous when the kid got a dog and I’m sitting there with my very mature plate of artichoke pasta or it’s counterpart.

Inspired by Dempsey’s gourmet burgers, I think I can spruce up the dog, although I will always maintain that there is NOTHING – NOTHING, I SAY, wrong with a plain old ketchup and mustard dog in a Rainbow bread bun.

Still, as we all know, I cannot leave well enough alone.

So, along with a good grilled beef frank (‘nuf said about that), I’ll offer a dizzying array of topping choices.

How about these choices, for starters?

Topped with the mango salsa we made for the pork – The Sweet Puppy

Covered in my corn and bean salsa – So Corny

sliced cucumbers, poppy seeds, onion/pickle relish, sliced tomatoes – The Chicago Classic

wasabi mayo and toasted sesame seeds – The Kamikaze Dog

kalamata olives, pickled red onion, feta, basil viniagrette – The Greek God – er, Dog

… and that’s just for starters. Any more suggestions?

And, if anyone knows where I can get my hands on some pretzel buns, oh please, do share. It’s hurting me to think about it.

So, one and all, come to my party! You don’t have to bring a side dish this time. Just diapers – either adult or baby sized I’m sure will eventually come in handy.