As you eat your way through the back yards of Lawrence this summer, you are, on occasion, going to be called upon to bring a covered dish. No, your trophy wife (with her clothes on) does not count as a “covered dish.” And yes, that joke is tired, so you might want to leave it at home this year.

So what will you bring? Mr. Meat and Potatoes would suggest stopping by the grocery store to pick up a shrimp ring, and he will never understand my angsting about what to concoct for Aunt Geraldine’s 4th of July Hoo-Ha this year. It has to be something interesting, but simple and delicious. It needs to be different from the usual macaroni salad or Jell-O fluff salad. It, simply put, needs to make me the star of the show.

Over the years, I have created an arsenal of side dishes that travel, mostly by either adapting or downright plagiarizing the work of others, be they online mentors or personal friends. To all of those people I say a hearty “Thank you.” Really, all of Lawrence thanks you. Because A) we are tired of hosting barbeques only to receive nothing but various bags of greasy potato chips and shrimp rings as side dishes, and B) no one likes that fluffy Jell-O/Cool Whip salad.

Let’s start by talking about baked beans. If you are tired of baked beans, raise your hand. (My hands are both firmly planted in the sky.)

Still, I know many of you will say it’s not really a barbeque without the beans, so I suggest that if you have to make them, at least make something a little more special than you usual ketchup, mustard, brown sugar Bush’s beans concoction.

Like, maybe you could try these pretty….

Chipotle Baked Beans

The Loose List
• 1/2 lb of bacon (I like the thick, peppered kind)
• 1 1/2 cups chopped onion (white is probably best)
• 1 1/4 cups barbecue sauce (I suggest you make this kind, instead of purchasing. But if you have to purchase, Curly’s is the best, in my never-to-be-humble opinion.)
• 1 C beer, preferably dark (you can buy it by just the bottle at Jensen’s Retail Liquor. Or, you can buy a six or twelve pack and take the rest with you to the barbeque and hoarde it while everyone else drinks PBR from a can.)
• 1/4 cup real maple syrup-
• 2 T dark molasses
• 1/3 C mustard – I like fancy dijon or stone ground stuff
• 2 T liquid smoke
• 1T soy sauce
• 1 or 3 T minced canned chipotle chilies (THESE ARE HOT. Go easy if you’re faint of mouth.)
• 4 cans white beans, drained
• 2 cans kidney or pinto beans, drained
• Chopped fresh parsley (optional – it’s just for pretty)

Step 1:
Preheat oven to 350°F. Cook bacon in large skillet over medium heat until crisp.

Note: I know some of you just lay strips of bacon atop your beans before you bake them, but there is something soggy and unsatisfying about those big strips. Try it this way, at least once.

Transfer to paper towels and drain.

Step 2:
Transfer 2 1/2 tablespoons bacon drippings from the skillet to a large bowl. Give the bacon a rough chop and add it to the bowl. Add the onion and next 7 ingredients to bowl and whisk to blend. Whisk in as much chipotle chili as you can tolerate, then stir in the beans.

Step 3:
Transfer the whole mess to a baking dish of some sort. Bake uncovered until liquid bubbles and thickens slightly, about 1 hour. Cool 10 minutes. Or, put them on your grill over medium heat until you’re ready to eat.

Sprinkle with parsley and serve. This will serve about 10 folks, so feel free to double it, and of course, feel free to mess with the proportions.

I’ve talked and talked about potato salad, and I’ve already given you my favorite corn and bean “salsa” recipe (among other items that would love to make an appearance at your next camp-chair event), so feel free to add those to your knapsack of ideas. But none of that is really groundbreaking.

A real crowd-pleaser that I have shamelessly stolen from my girlfriend Heather, who shamelessly stole it from her best friend, is this fruit salsa, and please serve it with those lime-y Tostitos. I love those lime-y Tostitos almost as much as I love a box of kittens. Mixed with this kicky but sweet salsa, they’re going to get you noticed. You no longer have to sport a speedo for swimming in the cement pond. Here is is, in Heather’s Main Squeeze’s Very Own Words:

For 1 batch of

Tropical Fruit Heaven

(All proportions can be tweaked, of course.)

• 1 medium red onion
• 1/2 bunch of Cilantro (like, half of what you’d get from Dillons)
• 1-2 T lime juice
• 1-2 Serano peppers (2 is hot) – taste neutral; jalapenos do NOT work well
• 2 cans Dole Tropical fruit
• pinch of salt (kosher)

We like it “Pico de Gallo Style“
1) Chop cilantro, fine
2) Drain juice from cans of fruit
3) Chop/dice fruit, rough or fine (might use a food processor here)
4) Dice onion, fine (again, food processors are nice for this)
5) Dice peppers, seeds and all (no seeds = probably not as hot)
6) Combine fruit, onion, cilantro, peppers

Add lime juice and salt, mix.

Best to let it sit, refrigerated, for a few hours – but this will intensify the heat. You can drain more of the juice after letting it sit, if it seems like you need to.

Some people prefer it more “Puree/Salsa Style“
1) Dice the peppers and cilantro
2) rough chop the onion
3) add all ingredients to a blender/food processor
4) puree the sumbitch

(Author’s note: I think he’s right – it’s better if it’s a little “chunkier.” We’re all better when we’re a little chunkier, popular media be damned.)

Another favorite around our campsite is this apple and fennel salad. You’ll really look like a gourmand, and it will be a welcome departure from the usual savories at these events. I just like to say “arugula.”

Apple-Fennel Salad with Arugula

The list, for those who make them:
• 1 cup apple juice or cider
• 2 crisp apples (such as Pink Lady or Fuji)
• 1 T lemon juice
• 1 fennel bulb
• 2 T olive oil
• 1/2 C vinegar, whatever kind you have
• 2 or three handfuls of torn arugula
• 1/2 cup walnuts, toasted
• 1 T sugar (optional)
• Salt and pepper

Step 1)
In a small saucepan, reduce the apple cider to a half cup. Remove from heat and let cool. At the same time, toss the walnuts in a frying pan and toast them. It is also good if you sprinkle them with sugar so they’re “candied”, but that is optional

Meanwhile, cut the apples in quarters and remove the core. Slice the apples and fennel bulb as thinly as possible. This is where a mandolin comes in handy, if you have one. I have a really fancy one but I’m not very good at using it. Please let me know if you can come over and teach me.

Step 2)
Place them in a large bowl and pour the lemon juice over the slices, tossing the slices until coated.

Step 3)
Combine the reduced cider, olive oil and vinegar in a small jar or firmly lidded Tupperware, and shake until combined. Pour over apple and fennel slices and toss.

Step 4)
Just before serving toss the arugula with the slices and dressing, and season to taste with salt and pepper. I like this chilled, so get it nice and cold before you take it out to serve it.

It will serve about 8, and again, doubles or triples easily.

And, please invite me to your next barbeque. I’ll be the hugely pregnant one who carries around the entire bowl of potato chips, for fear SOMEONE ELSE MIGHT GET ONE.