When Bad Things Happen to Good People

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Posted by Alia Ahmed September 12, 2009 at 12:48 p.m.

I was heading westbound on K10 early this morning and came up on the wreck in which two people died. I was the third car back heading west that had pulled over. I arrived after the ambulances or helicopters had left the scene. There were probably 10-15 emergency vehicles there, some still arriving after I had arrived. They told us there would be it would be 6 or 7 hours before the road was cleared so this told me it had to have been a horrific accident and lives were most likely lost, which was confirmed when I read the account in the paper this morning. We were told to cross the median and go back east. This was the second accident I came across on my way home from Kansas City. There was a pretty serious accident at I-35 and Lamar that involved at least two cars. I had some time to reflect on these accidents as I drove around trying to find an alternate route home. :~) Since I was the first car diverted back to the east, there wasn't yet someone available to provide an alternate route besides going back to Highway 7 and taking the turnpike back to Lawrence. Although I have lived in this area off and on (mostly on) for the past 37 years, I don't know many roads off the beaten track and I am especially directionally challenged on a dark an foggy night, I drove around some time before accepting that fact I can't find my way out of a paper bag. It is obviously a miniscule thing to even bring up but it gave me an opportunity to think about the families and others impacted by these accidents.

I have realized before that is so dangerous to be out of the highway that late (or early in the morning, as the case may be) because other drivers may have been drinking or extremely sleepy. In both of these accidents, the scenes had not been well secured yet and I remembered what I'd been told as an EMT many years ago. Rescue personnel such as police officers, paramedics, firefighters and tow truck drivers are at such a risk of being struck and killed or seriously injured by another driver while they are attempting to save people's lives. At the earlier accident on I-35, a car came zooming by on the right side of this accident scene and I was so fearful for those working the scene.

My condolences to the families who lost loved ones in these accidents. I was struck again about how precious life is as well as the unpredictability of our lives, and but for spending a few more minutes with good friends last evening, I could have been one of the victims in these accidents. It reminds me to tell those I care about that I love them and to not take them or the blessings in my life for granted.

I am often tempted to say in these situations, but by the grace of God go. But, I guess I don't believe God chooses to provide me grace but not the victims of this accident. Rabbi Harold Kushner wrote a wonderful book called, "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" that seems to say the same thing. Rabbi Kushner very purposefully started the title of the book with the word "when" not "if", because bad things do happen to good people. I can not possibly say it as well as this very wise rabbi, but he asserts that this is a chaotic world that we live in and bad things inevitably do happen. He believes God is there is provide us support, but doesn't intervene in the natural laws of this world. I know for people who believe in the power of prayers, this seems off-base. I guess I believe God may answer our prayers, not by always giving us what we ask for, but by giving us the strength to endure bad things and providing us with a loving and supportive community.

As a social worker, I have recommended this book to many people that have experienced the grief of a divorce, a death of a loved one or their own serious ailments, whether physical, emotionally or spiritually. I don't suggest that people have to look at the world the way Rabbi Kushner does, but by reading his book they may find comfort and solace. Rabbi Kushner is an expert on the Book of Job and the trials Job endured. The rabbi and his wife know something personally about grief and tribulations. Their beloved son had a disorder called progeria, which is essentially accelerated aging. The expected lifespan is age 13. They watched hopelessly as their precious son grew old and died right before the eyes.

Well, this blog has rambled on and began as a comment about a wreck I came upon so please forgive the disorganization of this blog. Please give your loved ones at extra long hug today and be especially kind to people who've had bad things happen to them. I know I will.

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Irish (Leslie Swearingen) says…

You know, I have always thought this to be a truly stupid question. Because you have to define who is good and what the bad thing is, and then trace the cause and effect.
Joseph Wambough does this very well in his non-fiction, The Onion Field, which traces the decisions of two criminals and two policemen and how they came to meet in that field.
Every decision we make impacts the next one.
You can be the best person in the world but if you smoke three packs a day you are just as liable to get lung cancer as the bad person who smokes.
Some things are just pure coincidence with no rhyme or reason whatsoever.
Just deal with reality as you experience it.
September 12, 2009 at 3:02 p.m.
Logan72 (Alia Ahmed) says…

Thanks, Mulit, right back at you!

irish, I think we're in agreement that "stuff happens"
September 12, 2009 at 4:09 p.m.
JackKats (anonymous) says…

There is a common story (joke with a lesson) of a man who was in a flood and as the water was rising asked God to save him. A four wheeler came by and he waved him on proclaiming God would save him. AS the flood rose a boat came by and he waved the boat wave and proclaimed God would save him. He ended up standing on the roof as the waters rose and a helicopter came by but he waved him away with a wave, God would save him.

He drowned and was standing before God. He complained " I had faith you would save me, why did you fail me?"

God replied, I sent a four wheeler, a boat and a helicopter, what more did you want?

The neighbor of the guy also died and called out " Hey, you didn't send me a four wheeler, a boat or a helicopter?"

To Which God replied, " You, I told, not to build in a flood plain."

Who knows why things happen or why things happen to good people. But in all things, time levels all things out and we find, that as bad as things are, time is our friend in such tragedies.
September 12, 2009 at 4:49 p.m.
geekin_topekan (anonymous) says…

"there go I"

I believe that if you had the opportunity to ask either fatality, what they had planned for this week, neither would have suggested death.

A (presumably) KU chick cut me off and flipped me the bird when I called her on it.
"There go I" , I thought to myself.
"People can be really Sh*t*y"
I am a person.
I can be really sh*t*y.
I have been really sh*t*y to other people.
I am not proud of, nor wish to shut the door on, that fact. That is just the way it is and I will do the best that I can to not be that way today. Thus, I will try to be a better person today than I was yesterday. But, I am not a saint and sainthood is not my goal.

The fatalities have reached sainthood.
I will strive for anything but sainthood this week.
September 12, 2009 at 4:49 p.m.
justbegintowrite (Ronda Miller) says…

Heartfelt blog, Alia. I hope you are doing some special things for yourself. Witnessing a scene such as this can be quite a frightening experience - regardless of whether you actually saw the accident happen, knew the people, or assisted them in some way.

I have never read the book you mention, but have heard about it many times. Perhaps it is time that I read it - sounds like an interesting book.. I think sometimes when it gets right down to it there just aren't "good" or "bad" things that happen. As John Lennon so eloquently phrased it, "Life is what happens while people are busy doing other things".

We have so many examples of times when we stop and ask ourselves questions about why, Why them, why now, why not me, And how, How can I handle this, how could a loving God act this way, how can I do something to help others around me.

Thanks for making us all take an extra minute or two today to appreciate those around us....and those people who pass us on the roads may not be drunk, senile, inexperienced or new drivers, but someone who has had a horrible tragedy recently befall them. We need to always act as though that might be the case.

Hugs to you!
September 12, 2009 at 11:31 p.m.
Logan72 (Alia Ahmed) says…

Thanks, Ronda for your kind words. As you can tell, Rabbi Kushner's book has been a wonderful resource for me personally and professionally.

I hope you are doing well and that your son is getting along well in boot camp. I saw the story about your overnight daycare on one of the KC news stations. You really are providing a much needed service and I wish you much success.
September 13, 2009 at 12:23 a.m.
misplacedcheesehead (anonymous) says…

Ah ha-now I definetly know who Ronda is. Awesome care provider; watched my two fellas when they were very, very young.
Alia, well put. I find myself turning to Rabbi's book quite often.
September 13, 2009 at 4:01 p.m.
justbegintowrite (Ronda Miller) says…

Thanks for the kind words, ladies. I have been fortunate to have been touched by many little souls ( a lot of them seemingly older souls than I by far). I have learned so much for each one of them - truly gifts from God. Let's see.....wonder who those little cheeseheads were. ;)

Alia, I hope you are resting better today. I appreciate your well wishes for my son!
September 13, 2009 at 11:30 p.m.
femail (Linda Hanney) says…

Amen, porch_person
September 14, 2009 at 7:27 a.m.
honeychild (Mel Briscoe) says…

my positive thoughts and prayers go out to the families of that crash on K-10. i live in salina and had to drive a friend to manhattan last friday. on I-70, near the grandview plaza exit, there was an equally horrific accident involving a minivan and a car. i got a powerful vibe as we passed. i knew that atleast one person had perished. turns out, both drivers had, and the driver of the car was a very well known judge on the dog show circuit who was scheduled to be here in salina to judge best in show at last weekend's wheatland cluster dog show. the judge never showed up, which was completely out of character for him, and eventually his colleagues found out why. my prayers go out to both of those victim's families as well.

i am still learning about why bad things happen to good people... in this case, we are talking about actual loss of life. in other cases, it can be loss of a job, home or one's health. i don't begin to understand the "reasoning" behind these things... sometimes i wonder if i'll ever really have a firm grasp as to what god's role is in situations/circumstances like these. thankfully we have the wise rabbi you mentioned, along w/ other spiritual leaders, to help us navigate.
September 14, 2009 at 8:13 a.m.
godrealized (anonymous) says…

Bad things happen in life as the whole cosmic system is governed by inscrutable laws of Karma http://www.godrealized.com/karma.html... as we sow so shall we reap... nothing less or more! If they were only happiness in life... all would become monotonous... meaningless! Only when we suffer... we understood true value of happiness... never otherwise!
February 19, 2010 at 10:11 a.m.
snap_pop_no_crackle (anonymous) says…

Getting a little plug in for youself, are you, bubbie?
February 19, 2010 at 10:24 a.m.