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Ask the Marriage Therapist a Question (#1)

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I'm a little intimidated by the idea of soliciting questions from the general public, but I'm willing to give it a try.

So this is how it'll go:

  1. You ask a question that you'd like a Marriage & Family Therapist to answer. Please state your question carefully so as to minimize the risk of a misunderstanding.

  2. I'll consider answering every question, but I reserve the right to pick and choose which ones to answer and which ones to ignore. If I think someone is asking a question just to pick a fight or "stump the therapist", I'll be sure to ignore it. Also, some questions may not be appropriate to answer in a forum such as this, and other questions may be outside of the limits of my experience, education or qualifications, so I won't answer those either. There are lots of reasons I may not answer a particular question, so if I don't respond to your question, please don't feel slighted.

  3. I'll answer a select number of questions next week in my post entitled The Marriage Therapist Answers Questions (#1). Some of my answers will be really great and, just... brilliant. Others won't be so good.

So, post your questions below. If you are not an anonymous user on the LJW forums, then please feel free to ask personal questions with "I have a 'friend' who...". I will politely answer with "Your 'friend' needs to consider..." as if I have no idea who you are talking about.

Get it? Alright, then. Post yer questions.

Comments

Roland Gunslinger 4 years, 5 months ago

I'll start-

Why were you writing/posting this at 2:37 pm on a Sunday? Don't you know football was on at that time? Are you a commie? Real 'mericans watch football on Sundays...

LadyJ 4 years, 5 months ago

LOL, ironic that you're posting at 2:57 a.m.

Practicality 4 years, 5 months ago

I think yes, even if wire cutters are required to cut 'old man' yellow toe nails.

Practicality 4 years, 5 months ago

Mr. Hahn -

Why is my wife's hands always cold in the winter, even when she has been inside the house for 4 hours and the temperture is set at 75 degrees?

Also, shouldn't a wife not be allowed to wake up her husband in the middle of the night to complain to him about his snoring? It really is getting to be tedious.

whats_going_on 4 years, 5 months ago

haha, no, its a girl thing, I do it all of the time. A trip to the store for milk and apples turns into a cartful, hour long adventure through foodland.

whats_going_on 4 years, 5 months ago

that, and sometimes it's nice to just get away from home and the neediness there for awhile, even if it means being at the grocery store.

Practicality 4 years, 5 months ago

Mr. Hahn -

Does this officially count as Marriage Counseling?

somedude20 4 years, 5 months ago

what are your feelings on a husband or wife gaining so much weight (during their marriage)that they become gross to the other person and that causes the other person to not make the sex with them? can you ask for a D or D (diet or divorce) because you have been hoodwinked?

wmathews 4 years, 5 months ago

Handcuff both of them to a pipe on the rooftop of a department store in zombie-infested Atlanta.

notajayhawk 4 years, 5 months ago

Hey, are these games open to employees of the LJW? No fair!

somedude20 4 years, 5 months ago

well, definitely do not accept oral sex from her if she is a zombie

monkey_c 4 years, 5 months ago

How can a wife help to make a wonderful stay-at-home father not feel immasculated due to his lack of financial income?
A REAL question -- you jackyls

monkey_c 4 years, 5 months ago

OK that is brilliant. Problem solved. Pywacket you get an honorary monkey degree!

alm77 4 years, 5 months ago

She needs to let him continue to make important decisions.

beatrice 4 years, 5 months ago

Dr. Hahn, on behalf of the mature, adult members of the LJWorld community I would like to apologize for the lack of seriousness being displayed by my fellow posters. These wisenheimers don't know that you are offering a valuable service for married people and they refuse to ask serious questions. Shame on them.

So here is my question -- Should male and female woodchucks be expected to chuck the same amount of wood, and if so, how much wood should a couple of woodchucks chuck? Of course, we must assume that the woodchucks could chuck wood.

I look forward to your response. The wellness of my best friend's marriage hangs in the balance. Oh, and chucking wood is a euphamism for sex, and I think one of the woodchucks is addicted to porn. Thank you. I look forward to your thoughtful response.

Practicality 4 years, 5 months ago

Bea,

Are these woodchucks married to eachother? IF so, they should probably be chucking the same amount of wood, if not, that could be the problem.

beatrice 4 years, 5 months ago

Yes, they are married woodchucks, but woodchucks are known to chuck wood all by themselves, even when married. After offspring are grown, female woodchucks can usually keep up with their male counterparts until late in life. Only when raising and caring for their young can the females of the species be accurately described by scientists as bad mother chuckers.

beeshlii 4 years, 5 months ago

you need to see a marriage marriage counselor mrs.woodchucks.

notajayhawk 4 years, 5 months ago

Kansas being a no-fault state, both will get half the wood in the divorce anyway.

notajayhawk 4 years, 5 months ago

Most of the divorced guy-chucks I know had everything taken from them by the gal-chucks, including their wood.

rbwaa 4 years, 5 months ago

i'm a little late to this game but i spewed coffee all over my monitor and keyboard... < : }

monkey_c 4 years, 5 months ago

Jeez Bea - find me a woodchuck that is NOT addicted to porn!

Amy Heeter 4 years, 5 months ago

I think it is fair to say this blog is s bust, because I'm busting out laughing.

monkey_c 4 years, 5 months ago

My guess is your wife deserves to get stoned.

Stuart Evans 4 years, 5 months ago

I'll participate if it's a public stoning. can we hold the event in the park, sometimes I like to lay down in the grass when I'm stoning.

Stuart Evans 4 years, 5 months ago

my marital problem is that I'm not married, or is it that I was married but am not any longer...come to think of it, I think I solved my problem.

Paul Hahn 4 years, 5 months ago

I appreciate all the... "responses".

Extramarital "woodchucking" can put a tremendous strain on a marriage, so I'll be sure to address those questions.

And I appreciate the zombie-related questions. As zombieism becomes more popular in the Western hemisphere (it has been growing in popularity in Asia and parts of Africa for some time now), more and more American families will have to address the impact of zombie culture on their long-held traditions, beliefs and their... "dietary options". We'll talk about mixed marriages (zombie/non-zombie unions) next week as well, and we'll be sure to address the particularly difficult ethical problems facing formerly-vegan-zombies and what options may be available to those populations.

Please, keep the questions coming, and thank you for your interest.

Practicality 4 years, 5 months ago

Mr. Hahn -

Is it possible for a husband's touch to instantaneously cause a headache?

Paul Hahn 4 years, 5 months ago

Well since most appear too CHICKEN to ask a real question, we may as well make the most of what we have to work with.

Amy Heeter 4 years, 5 months ago

Shame on you Mr Hahn. If you want people to ask real questions then name calling is counter productive. It simply breaks down the level of trust needed for a good theraputic match.

meggers 4 years, 5 months ago

Actually, the name-calling was directed at those too chicken to ask a real question, therefore no trust was breached between Mr. Hahn and those NOT too chicken to ask a real question. Seems to me that Mr. Hahn is being a pretty good sport here.

Practicality 4 years, 5 months ago

Mr. Hahn -

Can one really "lose it" if they do not "use" it? And if so, what kinda time frame are we talking about here?

kernal 4 years, 5 months ago

Good Gawd, you sound like my mother!

cozy 4 years, 5 months ago

Someone was watching 40 year old virgin...

Practicality 4 years, 5 months ago

Mr. Hahn-

What do you do if you see a fellow poster's wife in the grocery store for two hours talking to a Zombie?

beeshlii 4 years, 5 months ago

oh yes almost everyday for past 15 or so years. i try not to make any noisy when i come in.

Paul Hahn 4 years, 5 months ago

If you are too chicken to ask a real question, then create an anonymous user account.

If you are already using an anonymous user account but your spouse knows what it is, then create a second one (I think the names "Marion" and "Whitney's Husband" are both available), and use it to post your question.

Practicality 4 years, 5 months ago

This comment was removed by the site staff for violation of the usage agreement.

Practicality 4 years, 5 months ago

Yeah, that was low. I am amazed it hasn't been "removed" with prejudice yet.

I am sorry Whitney!

Amy Heeter 4 years, 5 months ago

Another shame on you Mr. Hahn! Whitney happens to be a modern day woman; her hero is Mary Richards. I just don't think Mr Grant or Ted would appriciate your dig at her.

notajayhawk 4 years, 5 months ago

"If you are already using an anonymous user account but your spouse knows what it is, then create a second one"

Isn't that against the TOS?

[chuckle]

he_who_knows_all 4 years, 5 months ago

Mr. Hahn,

Is the marriage counseling business so slow that you have to solicit here? Seems pretty desperate to me.

he_who_knows_all

Practicality 4 years, 5 months ago

Mr. Hahn -

Is it possible for my wife not to grow a tail, fangs, and horns even if her mother and sister have them?

notajayhawk 4 years, 5 months ago

No. It's not possible. Not for your wife, and not for any other woman.

RoeDapple 4 years, 5 months ago

I was there. Yesterday. when this blog went up, I saw it and said to myself,"Should I?" But no, I thought Mr. Hahn was asking a legitimate question and appropriate responses are what he expects. . . But then I see the usual crowd has gathered so now I'm thinking, . . Ooohhhhh, Yeaahhhh! . . so, if cuzin urletta an cuzin earl-bob goes thru wiht there divorce will autie stil be my neffews unkle? an if i publish my book "101 thangs you can use cornhuskers loshun for" will he stil get royilltys? he alreddy gits em on my uther book,"anuther 101 thangs yuo can use WD-40 for" not much ya unnerstan butit duz hep pay for opperatin teh still an me an the missis dun been hitched fer 38 yeers now or is it 39 i guesss she wil let me no iffin i gets it rong but i hope we aint messd it up fer inny poster whoo mite have a lajittimate queschun thankyouverrymuch.

beatrice 4 years, 5 months ago

"This guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, my brother's crazy; he thinks he's a chicken.' And the doctor says, 'Well, why don't you turn him in?' The guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships; y'know, they're totally irrational, and crazy, and absurd, but, I guess we keep goin' through it because most of us need the eggs." -- Woody Allen in Annie Hall

bearded_gnome 4 years, 5 months ago

"yer questions" ... so, Paul's a cuzin! okay then!


and Paul: So, post your questions below. If you are not an anonymous user on the LJW forums, then please feel free to ask personal questions with "I have a 'friend' who...". I will politely answer with "Your 'friend' needs to consider..." as if I have no idea who you are talking about.

that ol' dodge is older than Plato's smudges! may I suggest: write you a PM via the board, as I will do later so my question is not associated with this user id publicly at all.
try that instead. okay Cuzin?

notajayhawk 4 years, 5 months ago

As long as he posts his reply to your question to the board, gnome. :-)

Paul Hahn 4 years, 5 months ago

Actually, that would have been a good idea. We'll have to do that next time (if they let us do it again).

Amy Heeter 4 years, 5 months ago

You know once I put some money in the chicken game at the fair. When you put the money in a light goes on then the chicken pushes a botton. After theat a card comes out with a fortune. The chicken gets rewarded with feed. My card read " The ways of love are hard to guess; you can have a ball or make a mess" I think that pretty much answers any question applicable.

kernal 4 years, 5 months ago

Thank gawd I was finally able to quit laughing! The drooling, running nose mixing with the tears and then the near hysteria was getting to be a bit much.

Paul Hahn 4 years, 5 months ago

OK, gnome had a good idea:

If you really want an additional level of privacy, you can send your questions to me in a private message and I'll be sure to answer them without any disclosure regarding who sent me the messages (except where legal or ethical concerns dictate that I reveal such information).

notajayhawk 4 years, 5 months ago

Perhaps you should explain what those are to the folks at home?

Practicality 4 years, 5 months ago

Mr. Hahn -

If a husband comes up with a good idea on the comments section of the LJW, will his wife still think he is wasting his time?

LadyJ 4 years, 5 months ago

Ok, I'll play. Here's one that has been discussed in our "hen" group. If a husband and wife go to sleep and then hubby wakes up and can't go back to sleep, should the wife be expect to wake up at 1 a.m. (and lose sleep) and "help" him get back to sleep? Now here's the tricky part. When the wife goes to sleep all was fine but evidently said or did something when he tried to wake her up, that she has no recollection of, that made him mad and he is mad the rest of the day. Should the wife be held accountable for something she said or did in her sleep? Should she be expected to wake up several nights a week? For the record, the we women agreed no, surprise, surprise.

LadyJ 4 years, 5 months ago

Oops, take out either "we" or "the" in that last sentence, whichever you prefer.

Practicality 4 years, 5 months ago

LadyJ,

This one is simple. You are in the wrong on all counts. Now just apologize and do better next time :)

monkey_c 4 years, 5 months ago

Lady, don't you think the wife should ought to wait up all night just in case her husband might possibly need something. Or if he drools, she's there to wipe it off for him to avoid an uncomfortably wet pillow?

bearded_gnome 4 years, 5 months ago

difficult ethical problems facing formerly-vegan-zombies and what options may be available to those populations.

---whoa! sounds like a reality tv show!


Tom: yes! I think I acquired the survival instinct about 95 seconds into my marriage!

funny how valuable the heels of your shoes can be at those times! lol.

bearded_gnome 4 years, 5 months ago

"If you are already using an anonymous user account but your spouse knows what it is, then create a second one"

---"create a second one? if I have a wife mad at me already, why do I want to have a second wife to be mad at me too? if you're in a hole ... stop digging!


Paul, thanks, sometimes I have good ideas.

if a man is alone in the woods and he says something, is he still wrong?

okay, let's do the anonymous pm way for real questions if this is gonna work Cuzin Paul.
to explain, if somebody wanted to write a private message to you they could click on your name to go to your profile. and then click on the "contact" or "send a private message" thingy (I ferget which one it says cuzin).


cutting extra long toenails? microcharges of explosive is the preferable way to cope with those.

---this is a very funny thread!

rbwaa 4 years, 5 months ago

gawd - i'm tired of cleaning up my monitor and keyboard...< : }

pace 4 years, 5 months ago

My husband is a tad bit reluctant to change anything. He becomes alarmed if I move the chair and couch around. He likes to eat the same lunch, every monday through friday for the last 40 years. It is not a bad lunch, just the same items. He said we could move but it turns out he meant after he had died. I have made many "deals" where he said he would change a small habit, but he would do it later, turns out he meant after he was dead. I would like to throw out some of the junk mail he is storing about the house, he was very firm I should not do that, that he would sort it out later, after he was dead. Is it really necessary for a widow woman to wear black for an entire year?

notajayhawk 4 years, 5 months ago

"He becomes alarmed if I move the chair and couch around."

Is he sitting on them at the time?

Practicality 4 years, 5 months ago

lol! I believe my wife woulda thrown me out of a chair a time or two if she woulda been strong enough.

pace 4 years, 5 months ago

No, but he would thank you for asking. He was also alarmed when I changed my potato salad recipe. We talked about it for several years but he lost that one.

LadyJ 4 years, 5 months ago

LOL, talked to a woman the other day whose husband liked to buy and collect things. She told him that after he died she was going to sell off his collections as she needed money. He said he was going to keep a list for her of what order to sell them off.

BigPrune 4 years, 5 months ago

This comment was removed by the site staff for violation of the usage agreement.

BigPrune 4 years, 5 months ago

it was totally legit! maybe too revealing.....oh well, no biggie.

RubySlippers 4 years, 5 months ago

Following the birth of our baby my husband said my weight was making him look at other women. Considering I had just given birth, shouldn't he take responsibility for his wandering eyes instead of pushing it off on me? I am doing my part by working out and eating right to lose the weight and I think he should be patient and be attracted to me since I ruined my body to give him a child.

notajayhawk 4 years, 5 months ago

He lied. All men look at other women. We also lie about looking at other women.

whats_going_on 4 years, 5 months ago

agreed. Jeezus, that was harsh and uncalled for. Find a new husband who appreciates you for who you are, what you do, and how you look/feel.

inatux 4 years, 5 months ago

Mr. Hahn,

I've heard (maybe this is true, maybe not, hence why I'm asking) that marriage counseling can make matters worse for a couple. Have you had any experience with that happening?

I suppose what I'm asking is, is counseling for couples a good idea if they're at the breaking point, or is it one of those things where it'll get worse before it gets better?

Paul Hahn 4 years, 5 months ago

I will SO answer this question next week. A very good question!

notajayhawk 4 years, 5 months ago

Does this answer the question?

On a slightly more serious note, I always thought it was one of the primary goals of counseling to help my clients realize and clarify what it is they really want. Sometimes that isn't to stay together. Never forget the number one cause of divorce: Bad marriages.

My principle area of practice isn't couples counseling, though, and Paul's answer may be something entirely different. I think it was a dozen or so years ago there was a news release from the ASMFT to the effect that the primary goal of couples counseling should always be the preservation of the relationship. I offered an opinion disagreeing with that edict on a message board, and was deluged by comments talking about how either a) their relationship was fine before they went to couples' counseling, or b) their significant other was perfectly happy until an individual therapist turned the S.O. against them. To which I responded, "And the reason you [/they] were going to counseling was what, again?"

My own belief is that if you feel the need for counseling, it's probably a good idea. And it's really a no-lose situation; you're either going to find out how to improve the relationship, or find out it can't be done (but that's not the fault of therapy). There's significant potential for gain without really anything to lose. But that's just my belief, and I look forward to Paul's answer.

bearded_gnome 4 years, 5 months ago

Ruby, sorry, your weight wasn't making him look at other women.
something in him was making him look at other women.

I think he needs a digital exam of special proportions.


notajayhawk (anonymous) replies …

As long as he posts his reply to your question to the board, gnome. :-)

---exactly!

notajayhawk 4 years, 5 months ago

And begins his response with "Dear Gnome ..."

bearded_gnome 4 years, 5 months ago

after reading Pace's posts above, I'm starting to think there was a very special ingredient in her potato salad, and now she'd be called a "black widdow?"


DIST, yes, alone, and no wife/women to hear him in the woods, is that man still wrong?


Paul, any idea what the subject was of the first marital fight? either betweenAdam and Eve as you and I are Christians, or between Og and Kog?

"do I look fat in this palm frond?

"you don't love me any more!"
... "stop bogarting that dactile wing!"

"you lazy $&%#$%$^$#@!!~~```!#$@@#! go start fire!"

?

notajayhawk 4 years, 5 months ago

When I read her post, I had no doubt there was something special about pace's potato salad. Every couple grouse's about one another's idiosyncrasies. But to grouse about them year after year after year, you have to have that magic ingredient that keeps you together - year after year after year.

In most of the relationships I've seen, after the first few times the husband questioned his wife's choice of ingredients, either she would have stopped making it altogether, or he would have been wearing it. Sounds to me like pace just kept dishing it up, and he kept complaining - but kept trying it.

bearded_gnome 4 years, 5 months ago

Every wife knows the answer instinctively, "How could he not be wrong, he is never right."

!!! FTW !!!

bacon 4 years, 5 months ago

I hate to be the buzzkill here, this thread is epic! However, I do have a serious question. My wife will go out with her friends 3-5 nights a week, leaving me home with her son and our daughter. On most of those nights, I'll go to bed and wake up without her ever coming home. In fact after getting the kids ready and leaving the house at 7:30am she still won't be home. If I try to call her cell in the middle of the night to find out whre she is, there is no answer. Of course, she always has some excuse as to why she didn't pick up; "I fell asleep", "I didn't get reception", "I lost track of time". I ask her what she could have been doing all night or why her friends didn't think it was strange that she was never home and she just brushes the quetion off. I go out 1-2 times a month to hang out with the guys and i am always home by 2:30. I actually have to force myself to stay out that late sometimes, because I start to miss my family too much. But, every time I want to see my friends, she accuses me of going to see some woman and that I must be cheating on her. She even calls my friends to see if that's really where I am. I have a feeling that she is cheating on me since that's the first thing she assumes I'll be doing. She also will leave the room to talk on the phone and is constantly texting. If I ask who she's talking/texting she gets mad that I'm invading her privacy, while on the other hand if I get one text, I get the third degree and have to show her who sent it and what it says in order for her to back off. I've tired talking to her about it , but to no avail. In her eyes, she see's nothing wrong with a mother and a wife staying out all night. Do I have reason to be conserned? We've tried to do the marriage counseling thing and were told by the counselor that "marriage counseling wasn't the right step fro us to take" and instead we should seek "individual counseling". For what I have no idea. Really, this is the only problem I have in my life that I don't know how to deal with. So, any advise on what I should do?

notajayhawk 4 years, 5 months ago

This might have been one that was better to start with "a friend of mine's wife ..."

formerlawrenceres 4 years, 5 months ago

I think you already know the answer to your question, but as a woman I would say that she is cheating on you. From what you say she is treating you as a babysitter and not how a significant other should be treated. Aside from the cheating aspect, the behavior that you describe is not one of a loving and faithful wife and mother. It's not okay for someone with children to go out 3-5 times a week and stay out all night. I don't know you, but what you describe is no way to be treated by someone who is supposed to love and respect you. If you value yourself and your happiness you should do what you need to do to get out of this unhealthy relationship. What you are experiencing is not a normal relationship and you have every right to be upset about the way you are being treated.

whats_going_on 4 years, 5 months ago

Plus, the mere fact that she's blaming you for cheating (I assume, unprovoked...) is a red flag for her cheating. She might be trying to shift some of the attention away from her own bad deeds by making you look like the one in the wrong.

Wow though...hope you figure this one out.

beatrice 4 years, 5 months ago

Bacon, obviously she doesn't want to be around you and your young woodchucks. It also doesn't matter if she sees a problem with staying out all night (despite the fear of predators, like single woodchucks, and owls), you see something wrong with it and she doesn't care what you think on the subject. Not only is she treating you like a babysitter, but it sounds like she is treating you worse than a roommate. She may be chucking wood with another woodchuck or maybe she isn't (have you looked for wood chucking safety material in her purse?), but she is cheating on you by giving her time to others instead of you and your youngins when you have asked her not to. Sounds like she doesn't want to live a life with you.

I'd tell the little varmint to pack her things and chuck wood somewhere else.

d_prowess 4 years, 5 months ago

Does this woman work?!? Who could be out all night 3-5 times a week and still be productive during the day?

meggers 4 years, 5 months ago

Hire a private investigator, and then a good divorce attorney.

Paul Hahn 4 years, 5 months ago

No, we don't discriminate on Relationship(s) Matter(s). Most "marriage" therapists do a lot of work with the unmarried: pre-marital counseling, dating couples, seminars on sexuality, etc. I've had more than one man come to me for the purpose of simply wanting to learn to be better husbands (in one case, the wife eventually joined us, but in the other case, it was just the two of us for several months).

PLEASE ask a question. It doesn't have to be a question about zombies or woodland animals.

beatrice 4 years, 5 months ago

If a massage therapists answers a question with a positive response, would you call it a happy ending?

pace 4 years, 5 months ago

you have been lucky enough to be left home with the kids. Kids are great, quit making the distinction on origin. Make good meals, more board games and read to them.. this is for me the best thing in live. Don't worry about her, it is you ,who really has a chance at a great life.

spiff 4 years, 5 months ago

If a husband is the subject of a hilarious police chase, what is the best strategy for a devoted wife to use to defend him on an anonymous online forum?

meggers 4 years, 5 months ago

An appropriate screen name is a must. Something like sank4ever, perhaps. ;)

missmagoo 4 years, 5 months ago

Hilarious.. but for a serious question...

How do you go about finding a good marriage counselor? My husband and I are on our third one, but each one we found to be extremely bothersome. The first told us she is currently battleing an eating disorder, the second never said a word (literally, during each session, just let us talk and then ooh time's up!), and now we're on #3. Is there a science to this? A helpful website or good recommendations?

Paul Hahn 4 years, 5 months ago

Ohhhh! Another very good question. I'll be sure to comment on this one as well. Tune in next week: Same bat-time, same bat-channel... (I'm dating myself with the 1960's Batman reference, aren't I?)

monkey_c 4 years, 5 months ago

Nope you are dating yourself with your profile picture.

Paul Hahn 4 years, 5 months ago

A question about your post: Please tell us how it's going with #3. Tell us (if you don't mind) how many sessions you've had with #3 and if you can put your finger on why you continue to employ #3. Do you "like" that one?

missmagoo 4 years, 5 months ago

Oh sure! We've been for about 3 months, weekly sessions.

On one hand, I do like her. She comes up with a lot of good questions and things to think about and gives us homework each week. And I do feel like I can talk freely and openly around her.

However, sometimes I get a judgemental vibe from her. She is divorced and has several children with her first husband, and when we talk about the "D" word or other issues that might be "sensitive," she hasn't been hesitant to call names or tell us how she really feels :) This has been a little too abrasive for me a few times, where I feel put-down after the session. These things have only occurred twice now, and very recently, so I'm now questioning sticking with the this one too!

So for now, I'm still trying to figure out if we'll ever find someone we really like, how to find that person, or if I'm just being too particular :)

4 years, 5 months ago

Paul,

So what does one do when various methods of therapy are attended (family, couple, single) and fatherchuck is attentive during the session but any homework or aftercare is avoided at all costs.

Paul Hahn 4 years, 5 months ago

Another AWESOME question. I'll address this one next week as well.

pagan_idolator 4 years, 5 months ago

This post pert near caused me to have a stroke this morning and I tried to drown in coffee.

LadyJ 4 years, 5 months ago

When you find a lawyer, make sure his license hasn't been suspended in the past. Glad to see you back Multi- been really busy with a sick relative so I missed your earlier appearance. :(

kernal 4 years, 5 months ago

Or, better yet, line up an attorney who neither works nor lives in Douglas County.

Ditto with accountants. There are some loose lips in this town after they've imbibed a few.

Jay Keffer 4 years, 5 months ago

My question:

What if Napoleon had a B-52 at the Battle of Waterloo?

Alternatively, what if Napoleon had had a zombie army?

I will await your reply.

bearded_gnome 4 years, 5 months ago

catching up! *Bacon: get checked forSTD's immediately, if not sooner! your spouse is trash, take her out.


Nota: In most of the relationships I've seen, after the first few times the husband questioned his wife's choice of ingredients, either she would have stopped making it altogether, or he would have been wearing it. Sounds to me like pace just kept dishing it up, and he kept complaining - but kept trying it.

---oh, but now she's able to move the furniture ... now that he's ... *dead! bwhahahahahahahahaha!

I think Pace is going to turn up on Investigation Discovery soon.


G-rock, you're asking for a different blog, "what to know before I get hitched?" you could post that blog, and you'd get some interesting responses.
ask people to indicate their level of experience under their advice "no matter what, tell her 'I'm sorry, it was my fault' no matter what! posted by husband of ten years."

amesn 4 years, 5 months ago

Stop me if you've heard this one....After 30 years of marriage to my mother, my career obsessed father left my mother for a woman he had been seeing on the sly for almost a year, he met this woman after a couple trips made to South America. My dad is in his early 50's and his lover is much younger than him-her children are the same age as his grandchildren. I see his affair as a mid-life crisis gone terribly wrong and I didn't expect this 'situation' to drone on longer than a few months. Next month, he and his little mamacita, who he moved to south america to be with, will be married for a year, and now I feel like my midlife crisis theory is shot. Anyways...what suggestions do you have for men and women alike who begin to see signs of their spouse grasping desperately to hold onto their youth so that it doesn't end as badly as my parent's marriage did? Because I am exactly like my dad, my husband too now worries that I will be chasing younger men around, running around like a crazy cougar!

RoeDapple 4 years, 5 months ago

"Stop me if you've heard this one". ~~Well it does have a nice familiar ring to it;-)~~ . . Maybe you should contact Mark Sanford's (ex)wife and discuss this with her . . .

amesn 4 years, 5 months ago

Unfortunately it was the talk of the town almost 2 years ago. After the de ja vu stirring story broke about Mark Sanford my mom took to her facebook page furiously posting link after link of Mark Sanford breaking news story entising responses from her sympathetic middle-aged friends. Our lives had become an episode of Jerry Springer-does Jerry Springer broadcast in Paraguay?

amesn 4 years, 5 months ago

Stop me if you've heard this one....After 30 years of marriage to my mother, my career obsessed father left my mother for a woman he had been seeing on the sly for almost a year, he met this woman after a couple trips made to South America. My dad is in his early 50's and his lover is much younger than him-her children are the same age as his grandchildren. I see his affair as a mid-life crisis gone terribly wrong and I didn't expect this 'situation' to drone on longer than a few months. Next month, he and his little mamacita, who he moved to south america to be with, will be married for a year, and now I feel like my midlife crisis theory is shot. Anyways...what suggestions do you have for men and women alike who begin to see signs of their spouse grasping desperately to hold onto their youth so that it doesn't end as badly as my parent's marriage did? Because I am exactly like my dad, my husband too now worries that I will be chasing younger men around, running around like a crazy cougar!

Paul Hahn 4 years, 5 months ago

Hmmm.... this is "chewy". Which do I respond to: the issue of 1) how to categorize/understand/define your dad's behavior, or 2) whether or not you are a cougar-time-bomb waiting to explode?

amesn 4 years, 5 months ago

Isn't it delightful? Nice little brain buster eh?

Paul Hahn 4 years, 5 months ago

How are you "exactly like" your dad? Tell me more about that.

whats_going_on 4 years, 5 months ago

Another serious question. (Although I'm quite enjoying laughing here...you guys are awesome today...I like it when we all get along ;-)

OK, so...addiction to TV/Video games/computer. Currently, my SO does not have a "career" (he has an almost-fulltime job, not great). Everytime I come home, he's on his video game, and he plays until at least 1 or 2 in the morning (last night, it was 4am). I have to beg him most of the time to look for jobs. He's had problems finding one lately (no shocker), and he's really discouraged, so he uses that excuse to not look at any others. I pay almost all of the bills too, and he is really stingy about any money that he gives me. He has thousands in the bank, but it's for a "new car" (which he does need, but it's a very unpractical sports car unsuitable for Kansas weather).

Anyhow, he also keep me up at night when I hear him playing his game outside the door...last night I got about 3 hours of sleep because of the noise. If he didn't have to get up for work, he would sleep until at least 12pm every day.

It has taken a toll on our relationship obviously, as I'm a very productive person, and I won't relax until I feel like I've gotten things done...where he is the exact opposite. I try to be okay with it, but our intimacy suffers, and we fight about it a lot. Am I being unreasonable to think that this behavior is NOT okay for someone in their mid-20's, who doesn't have a full time job? He just tries to make me feel bad by saying I'm just trying to sabatoge it because I "hate the game." It's true...I find yelling at people halfway across the country and acting like a high school bully moron is pretty immature, but while I want him to have his fun, I want to feel like I'm actually with him, and not his babysitter. I love him, and we have a great time when he's NOT playing his game and actually spending time together, but he can't get away from it long enough to do that most of the time.

:-(

RoeDapple 4 years, 5 months ago

Know what you mean w_g_o. The little woman says I spend too much time online. But I gotta be here! Somebody might be wrong!

Paul Hahn 4 years, 5 months ago

A common problem. I think I'll reply to this one as well. Thanks for sharing this with us.

kernal 4 years, 5 months ago

Dump him. He'll continue to be immature and blame you for everything. It will only get worse. Get out while you can.

LadyJ 4 years, 5 months ago

Go green and don't pay the electric bill since he has no money. No electricity, no games.

pace 4 years, 5 months ago

My husband has left me for a woman who makes mayonnaise based potato salad. She is a lovely person. He has no right to do anything different than he has done for years. The worst thing is I tasted the darn salad and it is great. Why did he change?

pace 4 years, 5 months ago

PS, I have a great couch and chair set for sale. Your pick, I will only need one now.

somedude20 4 years, 5 months ago

Ok, Van Halen with or without DLR? Will the "True Grit" remake be any good? Oh, lastly, which is better, The Enquirer or Star Magazine? Ok, one more. Should it be illegal if you are walking behind a woman and she has a good looking body and is dressed like a youngster but when you go in for the approach, you find out that she is 60+ years old? You know, like young people camouflage. Is that bait and switch or fraud?

pace 4 years, 5 months ago

that is agism. You get the gold with gild.

somedude20 4 years, 5 months ago

step up for me as yesterday was sexism

scopi_guy 4 years, 5 months ago

I think it was Liz Renay that said that there are 2 keys to keeping your man happy:

Have a wet bar in your bedroom

Be naked a lot

notajayhawk 4 years, 5 months ago

One of those often leads to the other.

Or either of those often leads to the other, whichever.

BruceWayne 4 years, 5 months ago

my wife voted yes for the $18.5 million downtown parking garage. should I divorce her?

pace 4 years, 5 months ago

I say divorce her. She has no respect for you, doesn't consider you the boss, probably thinks you haven't had a good idea since the day you asked her to marry. She thought more about her vote than your feelings. All you want is for her to mind and do what you tell her, no questions asked. Why in the world she made up her own mind, I don't know. Let her go. tell her, keep the house, the money, the car, the kids. I just can't live with someone who voted yes. You might reconsider if you voted yes too. There is some wiggle room.

pace 4 years, 5 months ago

zooks, I hope I am I am in time. I was wrong, Don't divorce her.

juststrugglin 4 years, 5 months ago

This blog has made my day. I don't think I have laughed this hard in a long time. Thanks everyone, keep up the good work.

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