What's In A Friend?

Posted by Passionatelibra June 4, 2009 at 4:57 p.m.

Recently I’ve been going through an extremely rough time. In order to do the right thing I have had to ruffle some feathers. I lost friends; at least I thought they were friends but now I wonder. I’ve also discovered that I have an untapped network of friends. People I had never even thought to turn to for support have come to me and said, I am here no matter what.

So what makes a friend?

The American Heritage Dictionary defines friend as 1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. 2. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement. 3. Friend A member of the Society of Friends; Quaker.

When I think of a friend I think of someone I can trust to keep my business private. It’s someone who will respect my boundaries and personal space. I think a friend is someone who will stand beside me when times are tough and celebrate with me when life is good. A friend is someone who will tell me when I am wrong and listen when I tell them they are wrong. A friend is someone who loves me for being me. Respect, love, strength, support, laughter and tears: all of these come to mind when I think of a friend.

I can count my friends on one hand. I may only have a few but I wouldn’t trade one of them for anything in the world. The strength and wisdom they bring to my life is indescribable. They have opened my eyes to experiences and viewpoints I never even knew existed. They love me enough to tell me when I am suffering from rectal cranial inversion or being a witch. They didn’t get up and walk away during our now infamous “Taco Bell incident” and they laugh at my sarcasm.

Earlier today I said I didn’t know what I would do without them. The response? “I believe you would do just fine...but it is certainly better together!” To me, that says it all.

When you think of the word “friend” or “friendship” what comes to mind? Do you picture someone nearest and dearest to your heart? Do you start listing qualities you want in a friend? What about the qualities that you bring to the friendship?

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charliejohnson (anonymous) says…

I have one particular friend that,even tho we don't talk or socialize much, if I had something that I needed to tell and didn't want it to go any farther, it would be her that I tell. I could trust her with the deepest secret ever. She probably doesn't realize that I consider her one of few, closest friends ever. When we do see each other it is like no time has been lost between us.
Your real friends are, those that can only be counted on one hand.
June 4, 2009 at 6:08 p.m.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…

Charlie - I have a friend similar to that. Her life is pretty busy so it's hard to catch up with her. I look forward to the times we can catch up.
June 4, 2009 at 7:18 p.m.
RoeDapple (anonymous) says…

passion,
My life long friend was a guy who, if we hadn't seen each other for months or even years, we could pick up where we left off, almost like resuming an unfinished conversation. He was killed in a hit and run accident 13 months ago today. I know where ever he is he'll be ready to resume our last conversation when I get there, with a big smile and a couple of cold brews to share
June 4, 2009 at 7:42 p.m.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…

Roe,
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I can't imagine losing a loved one. Life long eh? I can only imagine some of the stories you have. Did you two tear up Lawrence together?
June 4, 2009 at 8:06 p.m.
RoeDapple (anonymous) says…

Shredded it! but that was long ago - - -

Someday I'll tell a few. But ask Ronda and Multi, They'll tell you,"Don't get him started!"
June 4, 2009 at 8:11 p.m.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…

Roe,

I love to hear stories from the past, especially the funny ones! Heck growing up it was usually the only entertainment. The adults would get drunk and start telling stories constantly trying to one up each other. Maybe that's why I get so animated when telling a story :o)
June 4, 2009 at 9:10 p.m.
labmonkey (anonymous) says…

What's in a friend? Depends on what they ate within the last couple days.
June 4, 2009 at 9:15 p.m.
misplacedcheesehead (anonymous) says…

A friend is someone who loves you enough to tell you straight to your face when the relationship you are in is toxic for you. This friend is willing to risk your anger in order to tell you, "Hon, he's not going to leave her, ever. He's using you. Drop him like a hot potato and go rediscover your self-respect." Wise friend; wise woman.
A friend can also be a fellow online poster whom you've not met in person, but helps network and find good, loving homes for your furry children when you're forced to give them up.
June 4, 2009 at 9:58 p.m.
jonas_opines (anonymous) says…

After much experimentation, I've found that your standard friend is generally filled with fragile organs that can't be put back in proper working order, at least not once they've been taken out.
June 4, 2009 at 10:10 p.m.
begin60 (anonymous) says…

I agree that friends are people who respect your boundaries and personal space. Anyone who aspires to be my friend needs to respect my privacy. Beyond that I am drawn to people with unusal intellectual and creative energy--thoughtful, generous, deep people who don't just float on the surface of life. It's also important to be tactful and honest and responsive to be the kind of friend I trust and hold dear. By the way I am Libra-born too, and to me ithis means I appreciate beauty and others who share my appreciation of this attribute--otherwise, don't know how typical I am of people born in late September/October.
June 4, 2009 at 10:28 p.m.
justbegintowrite (Ronda Miller) says…

Excellent blog topic, passion...and you describe a caring friend as only someone who can be one would be able to. I am certainly glad you entered my life. It was a meant to be and happened on several levels at the same time.

Friendship means respect, love, shared humor and pain, the ability to share and keep secrets. Knowing they are there when needed whether they ever are for that horrific moment or a joyful event.. And I have found that the connection between friends is solid and unique regardless of time and distance that might come between.

My female friends have been worth their weight in gold.....made up from tears and laughter. Unconditional love at its very best.
June 4, 2009 at 10:40 p.m.
schula (anonymous) says…

Passion -- what a great blog! Thanks for writing it and for being such a good friend to me.

To me, a friend is someone you can call anytime day or night. They will share your joy and your tears. They will let you talk to them no matter how busy they are at the time. I have lots of friends but only a few that I would tell my deepest secrets to.

One of my dearest friends is one I only see a few times a year, usually for our birthdays and Christmas. In fact, I just saw her on Sunday and we hadn't seen each other since December and we picked up right where we left off. I know I can call her anytime and she will drop everything to help me out. I have known her for 23 years.
June 5, 2009 at 7:46 a.m.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…

Labmonkey and Jonas – I once took a friend apart and I only found fiber fill stuffing. I lost one of his eyes but my Mom found him a new one (different color, different size) and sewed him back together. I didn’t take my friends physically apart anymore after that.

Multi – It sounds like you have a good friend. I often wonder what it would have been like to have a lifetime friend. Someone to know everything about my life… wait… the friends I have pretty much do whether they wanted to or not :oP~
June 5, 2009 at 10:06 a.m.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…

Misplacedcheesehead - The toxic relationship talk can be so hard for both friends, the one saying it and the one hearing it. I’ve lost friendships over that conversation while being on either side. It sounds like you have some good online friends as well! I’m glad they were able to help you find homes for your kitties.

Begin – I am an odd duck who is extremely sensitive (at least I’ve been told that), very passionate about most things I do (jump in with both feet and eyes closed) and I tend to view things differently than the average person (in other words I think to dang much) so I have been drawn to others who are the same way. But I’ve noticed that as I’ve grown older I am now drawn to those who have attributes I don’t have. In essence, my polar opposite in various ways yet, at the heart, the same passion and love. I have learned to value and love our differences and it has brought nothing but joy to my world. As a side note: I was born in late September. From what I understand, I am a double Libra with uneven scales. I take that to mean that I am a handful LOL
June 5, 2009 at 10:09 a.m.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…

Ronda – I once was told and believed that unconditional love does not exist. Now I can say from experience, she was wrong. I experience it every day with my children, friends and some family. They are definitely blessings in my life. They make me want to pull my hair out sometimes and I know are the cause of my gray hair but I do the same to them so it comes out even :oP~

Schula – I agree with calling a friend any time day or night when needing to talk. I’ve discovered that when I need to talk and it’s 2 in the morning most times I wait until morning because I don’t want to disturb my friend’s sleep. Or if it’s at a normal (whatever that may be) time of day, I don’t want to disturb whatever activity they may be doing. THEN, I get a little piffed when I hear one of my friends was struggling and didn’t call me LOL

I’ve noticed that when talking about friendship it’s been those of the human persuasion. What about non-human?

Also, have you been they type of friend that you look for or is there something you need to do better? I’ve often said that I don’t ask for that which I can not give. I heard or read that a long time ago and adopted it in all aspects of my life.
June 5, 2009 at 10:10 a.m.
Irish (Leslie Swearingen) says…

I am a Libra and very quiet and reserved. I think about something ten times before I reach a decision.
My daughter and two grandchildren are friends, but they are the only ones I would put in that category.
I am content with minimal contact with others, and prefer Twitter or posts to face to face contact.
I don't care what someone writes about me on here, and I have been called a few names, it is all right as long as I don't have to look at you.
June 6, 2009 at 12:14 p.m.