Family Time

Posted by Passionatelibra July 7, 2009 at 7:19 p.m.

Earlier today I was talking with some friends about “family time”. For some, family time is with those you share the same blood. For others, family time is time spent with those in your heart. Since I was the youngest of a blended family (3 sisters, 2 step-brothers and a step-sister) I was taught that anyone can become family once they are in your heart. Since both my parents worked at least 2 jobs each and were gone quite often, family time was extremely rare and very precious to us all. For us, family time was Game Night.

I remember when I was in grade school, on the nights that our parents weren’t working, all 9 of us (more if cousins were visiting) would squeeze around the kitchen table and play Shanghai Rummy with my Dad’s plastic cards. They were in a special case and we had to be careful because they were made of a stiff plastic and really old. If a card hit the table wrong or was dropped too hard it would crack or break. We only used those cards when we played Shanghai Rummy with my parents. To this day, when I see those cards, I think of Shanghai Rummy and laughter.

At other times we would play Spoons. We had to use the regular cards when we played Spoons because it quickly became crazy around that old table. Hands were moving lightening fast as we picked up cards and then slapped them down again. I remember my body being tense with excitement as I tried to watch the spoons in the middle of the table praying that I was fast enough to keep up with the older kids. My Sister, Chriss, was the queen of the sneak attack. She would quickly and quietly grab a spoon then keep playing like she didn’t have one! I learned very fast to watch her closely. I knew I wasn’t as slick as her (she was 15 years older than me!) but I was fast at grabbing a spoon.

Once I was married I tried to continue family night with my kids. During the first year of my marriage we would play board games every other Friday night. It would be my ex, the kids, my Son’s Dad, his girlfriend, her kid and any others that wanted to come to the house. There would be several of us in the kitchen cooking dinner together or, if the guys were outside grilling, we would get the rest of the food ready. Talking and laughter would fill every nook and cranny in that house. Then once we all finished eating and cleaning up, let the games begin! It would go until 3 or 4 in the morning most times. The kids would get restless or tired and wander off to some part of the house to sleep, play video games or watch a movie. The adults would continue talking, drinking and laughing. Most of the time, we were more interested in our conversation than in playing the game.

Sadly, when my marriage fell apart so did my family. My Daughter and I moved to Lawrence, my Son stayed in Alaska and family night became a distant memory. Over time my Daughter graduated and moved back to Alaska. My Son decided he wanted to live with me and moved to Lawrence a couple of years ago. We’ve done “family time” but it isn’t the same as before. Yes, there is laughter and fun but the organized chaos is gone.

No more kids running through the front door and out the back door with the dog in hot pursuit. No adults telling jokes or slamming dominoes on the table while talking about ‘back in the day’. Now it’s a shared movie while calmly eating dinner or a quick game of Rockband. At least that’s the way it’s been but I have a feeling that we’ll start seeing that organized chaos again.

You see, we recently had a new member temporarily join our family and something tells me that he hasn’t had enough family time during these last 15 years. It makes me sad to think he hasn’t experienced the noise, laughter and love of a good game night. This weekend it’s going to change. This weekend I plan on sitting around my old table with my 2 Sons and other ‘family’ and play a game or two. I want my new Son to experience the chaos that only the love of family can bring.

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denak (anonymous) says…

When my son was younger (he is 17 now) every Friday night was pizza and game night. Then as he got older and "too cool" for games, it became pizza and movie night.

We still do pizza and a movie on Friday night but we also make sure to never miss Family Guy. It is our "bonding" show.

Also, one thing that was always family time or individual child time growing up was reading time right before bed. I have very fond memories of reading all the Harry Potter books to my son during this time.

With all of my foster kids, I have always had reading time together. And Friday nights.

Makes me sentimental just thinking about it.

Dena
July 7, 2009 at 7:49 p.m.
justbegintowrite (Ronda Miller) says…

I am not familiar with Spoons or the Rummy game you mention. I always hated games...I refer to them today as "bored games" not because they are something to do when you are bored, but because they always bored me! :)

When I first moved to Lawrence I had a roommate who enjoyed playing Hearts, Spades, Backgammon and Cribbage and Bridge. I became a gamester.

I didn't enjoy playing games with my children either....it was torture, but we do enjoy games of trivia on occasion now.

I am guessing I have never been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder....I was always running around outside or reading a terrific book. I am more of a loner.

Fun blog, Josie. I am glad you have that family time to remember and that you share it with your own children.
July 7, 2009 at 8:14 p.m.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…

My Son and I used to watch Amazing Race together every Sunday. He wasn't interested this past season and it felt odd watching it alone. We also used to watch Big Bang Theory together, not so much now. Although, he did come out and watch it with me last night. It was nice.

He's into video games and chatting online or on the phone with his girlfriend now. Right now we still go to the library together but I even feel him starting to pull back from that. *sniffle*
July 7, 2009 at 8:19 p.m.
schula (anonymous) says…

Growing up, my sisters and I were always playing board games or cards. At Christmas, my parents always got us one gift that we had to share and it was usually a board game. We spent many Friday and Saturday nights playing Sorry!, Battleship, Monopoly, Clue, Dominos, Uno and we even had a Simon game.

Even now, I still have a group of friends that I play cards with once a month and another group that I play with 2 times a month. It sure is a lot of fun! Of course, depending on what kind of cards we are playing, we oftentimes lose track of whose turn it is due to all the talking and laughing going on!
July 7, 2009 at 8:38 p.m.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…

I recently talked to some friends about starting a once a month card game. I am waiting to see how it all plays out. Life tends to getin the way a lot.

I remember playing Uno a lot when Iwas a kid. I loved that game.
July 7, 2009 at 8:45 p.m.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…

Ronda - Spoons and Shanghai Rummy are card games. My parents didn't want to waste the money from us losing the pieces. That many kids, pieces came up missing before the game was even unwrapped. :oP~
July 7, 2009 at 8:54 p.m.
RETICENT_IRREVERENT (Ronaldo Ignacio) says…

Spoons...
Is a drinking game played with cards, spoons, and tequila.
July 7, 2009 at 9:06 p.m.
RETICENT_IRREVERENT (Ronaldo Ignacio) says…

And best played with long sleeves.
July 7, 2009 at 9:08 p.m.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…

Dang! I knew that game was missing something! Tequila would have been nice.
July 7, 2009 at 9:23 p.m.
tangential_reasoners_anonymous (anonymous) says…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9C3gpI...
July 7, 2009 at 9:28 p.m.
schula (anonymous) says…

Uno is great fun, although I have a friend that won't play it with me -- she says I am too mean and that I use my big sister voice to boss her around!
July 7, 2009 at 9:42 p.m.
Did_I_say_that (DIST) says…

passionatelibra (Anonymous) says…
"...Spoons and Shanghai Rummy are card games. My parents didn't want to waste the money from us losing the pieces."

You have to be jesting! Waste money from losing pieces? That can't possibly compare to the cost of replacing the bent spoons or getting stitches at the Emergency Room. I quit playing spoons with the wife and sisters-in-law...wicked, simply wicked.
July 7, 2009 at 9:42 p.m.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…

Did - I meant to say "from us losing the pieces from the board games" Sorry about that! LOL

I have a faint scar on one of my hands from a brutal game of spoons. only emergency room trip that would have happened is if someone broke a bone falling out of a chair. Small table, tons of kids.
July 7, 2009 at 10:45 p.m.
JayCat_67 (anonymous) says…

Ronda, you sound a lot like me. And passionate, your story sounds really familiar. I'm almost sure our paths have crossed at one point or another.
July 7, 2009 at 11:14 p.m.
bearded_gnome (anonymous) says…

PL!
what a wonderful blog and a wonderful topic!

had a younger brother, us mom and dad, board games, card games. family time.

however, you're right, its not blood, its the heart that defines who's the family and when its family time.

wonder if you'll have that chaos again, with grandkids?
July 8, 2009 at 1:24 a.m.
passionatelibra (anonymous) says…

JayCat - I've been here for a little over 7 years and I tend to talk a lot at times so it's possible our paths have crossed or I've shared the stories online here :o) Most likely it's just a story that is familiar for a lot of families across the US. Childhood was extremely rough but those few glimpses of "normalcy" is what goes through my head when I think of the younger years.

gnome - I don't know if I will live near enough to my children to have chaos with the grandkids. My Daughter's up North and my Son wants to stay in the Midwest. I have no clue where I will land. If I had my way, I will live close enough for the chaos but far enough away to have privacy :oP~

I think I might have enough people to get a good spoons game going this weekend. My oldest knows what I'm planning. The newest has no clue. I hope he likes Game Night!

I had a dream last night that I was young again and I was playing Kick The Can with the neighborhood kids. Then we walked to a baseball field and played Kickball. I woke up smiling but sad. I dislike that so much...

What games did/do you like to play?
July 8, 2009 at 10:18 a.m.
RoeDapple (anonymous) says…

http://www.hangman.learningtogether.net/
July 8, 2009 at 3:23 p.m.
Irish (Leslie Swearingen) says…

My grandmother, who raised me, was the one that kept the family together. In the summer her children and their families would come to visit and stay for a month. It was that way in the South at that time.
In the evening we would play croquet on the lawn that was mowed with a push mower. We also played badmitton and hide and seek, ollie ollie oxen free, remember that.
Talking to each other on tin cans with a string linking them. Ever do that?
Warm nights with a breeze blowing though the roses and the willow.
July 8, 2009 at 6:28 p.m.
honeychild (Mel Briscoe) says…

nope, no game night while i was growing up. as a kid i did play monopoly w/ my dad and brother several times and my dad taught me how to play chess (which i suck at!). but we didn't have a specified night for that.

i have thought about having something like that for my kids... i used to play videogames w/ them. lol does that count? ;P
July 9, 2009 at 12:30 p.m.
bearded_gnome (anonymous) says…

again PL,
this is such a great blog, and just the time of the year for it too.

we played Monopoly, Risk, kanasta (cards) being the main ones. I think we played something with dice, but not yatsi.

I know what you mean, I've had those kinds of dreams too, you awaken in the glow of the dream, then reality settles in again.

but I always try to grab the memories and the feelings from the dream before it fades, to fight that off.

you know, wherever you land, you can make friends like family and have the chaos without grandkids too.
July 10, 2009 at 1:39 a.m.