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The first day of school has come and gone and in my house, that’s the official end to summer. I don’t know about anyone else but this summer was definitely more exciting and action packed than previous ones.

We’ve had an unexpected out of state guest (teenager) dropped on our doorstep and it took several weeks to track down his mom and get him picked up. We moved to a bigger place (rained the whole time) and our car was totaled. There were several little things that occurred as well but those were the big three. Out of those three, I believe the car accident is the defining moment of our summer.

First off, we were not at fault. The other person ran a stop sign and bam! I tried to stop but it was completely unavoidable. I had my Son and his friend in my car and I did everything I could think of to protect them. I think it worked because I am the only one who is seeing the doctor. The kids didn’t even have a sore muscle. My poor car did not make it.

Standing on that street corner waiting for the tow truck and talking to my Son, we quickly decided that we would be fine without another car for a while. He walks everywhere and I have no problem taking the bus. We’ll save on car payments, gas and maintenance. Believe me, my budget can handle that. Heck, I can handle a little breathing room in my oh so tight budget.

I thought I wouldn’t have to worry about insurance payments either but then I quickly learned that if I have a lapse in coverage, no matter the reason, when I get another car I will end up paying a higher premium. What??? They explained it all to me (insurance scores) and I understand it, doesn’t mean I like it, but I understand it.

I also must say that this experience showed me that I made a very good choice when it came to who I chose as my insurance company. They walked me through everything with so much patience and understanding. I wasn’t a hysterical or angry person, I was someone who was determined to understand what was happening and why. Especially when I found out how my insurance company was going to have to eat the cost of my doctor’s visits. Thank you Kansas laws (total sarcasm).

When I look at everything that happened this past summer I see some things that could have really thrown us for a loop and the one thing that could have caused total chaos in my house, actually turned out to be a blessing (and learning experience) in disguise. The best way I can say it is by this short story:

My Son and I were walking downtown from the library to the bus stop. We passed a couple of guys playing music for tips. One stops mid-song and asks me, “Is your glass half full or is it half empty?” Without hesitation I answered, “Half full of course!” Our food budget was stretched extremely thin with unexpected company, but a co-worker surprised us with leftovers from a shindig that she had. That fed us for a week. The move to another apartment had to happen in a very tight window of time and it thunder stormed during most of it, but we kept moving while laughing and joking around. Our car was totaled but we were able to walk away when I kept hearing that we should have been in the hospital.

Yep, our glass is half full; we just have to make sure we keep looking at it that way.

Did you have a defining moment this summer? As we start to ease into fall, is your glass half full or half empty?

Over the last month I’ve witnessed several vicious attacks. It would start with a comment and then someone would slap the commentator. Next thing you know bystanders were also taking swings. It was absolutely brutal. The worst part is that these attacks weren’t physical these attacks were verbal/written words. When I would read the hateful words being used it was like watching a physical fight.

“Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care, for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or evil.” ~Siddhartha Gotoma or Buddha~

During this electronic age, people tend to forget how powerful words can be. They can make or break someone’s day. They can bring about a smile or reduce them to tears. Words can trigger joyous memories or horrific nightmares. They can make you feel as if you are being hugged or have been slapped. Some have even sworn they could smell the environments that were being described. In essence, words can alter the way we see and choose to live in this world.

“The language we use to communicate with one another is like a knife. In the hands of a careful and skilled surgeon, a knife can work to do great good. But in the hands of a careless or ignorant person, a knife can cause great harm. Exactly as it is with our words.” ~unknown~

Those who know me or read some of my comments know that I was once in an extremely abusive marriage. One of the unfortunate things learned during that time was that if someone wants to cause me pain, I would rather they hit me physically than verbally. Bruises heal faster, but words manage to eerily haunt me. No matter how much I try, quite a few are able to hide in the cracks and crevices of my mind. Then when I least expect it, they either whisper softly to me or they jump up and scream at me. Sometimes they are positive but far too often, they are negative.

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are endless.” Mother Theresa(1910-1997)

When I was in first grade I had a teacher named Mrs. Craig. I can still picture her as if she is standing in front of me and I can still smell her perfume. When I first started her class I struggled with reading and math. The kids in my class teased me relentlessly. Mrs. Craig worked with me before class, during lunch and after class to help me learn. I was so mad at myself and I just knew I was as dumb as everyone said. Then one day, it clicked. Once I was able to learn/understand one thing, the rest quickly fell into place. From then on you would usually find me with my nose in a book. I couldn’t get enough! Later on in life I found out I have severe dyslexia. To this day, when I struggle with anything in my life, I can still hear Mrs. Craig's soft voice in my head, “Slow down. Breathe. You are a smart girl. You can do it. You can do anything.”

“If someone were to pay you 10 cents for every kind word you ever spoke and collect from you 5 cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor?” ~unknown~

Before you answer that question don’t just think about your interactions with those you know. Also think about those you don’t know. Think about how you are with those on the internet, on the phone and in public. Were you kind to the woman who bumped into you at the store? What about the cashier who accidentally rang up your purchases wrong? The sales person who called you up during dinner yesterday? What about your comments on news stories and blogs?

No, I don’t think everyone is going to be nice all the time, I’m not unrealistic or delusional. I know that there are hateful people in this world. They get a sick thrill insulting people, causing others pain or trying to make them feel less than.

What I am wondering about are those people who have shown that they have a kind side. Lately, it seems they have forgotten how powerful their words can be.

Earlier today I was talking with some friends about “family time”. For some, family time is with those you share the same blood. For others, family time is time spent with those in your heart. Since I was the youngest of a blended family (3 sisters, 2 step-brothers and a step-sister) I was taught that anyone can become family once they are in your heart. Since both my parents worked at least 2 jobs each and were gone quite often, family time was extremely rare and very precious to us all. For us, family time was Game Night.

I remember when I was in grade school, on the nights that our parents weren’t working, all 9 of us (more if cousins were visiting) would squeeze around the kitchen table and play Shanghai Rummy with my Dad’s plastic cards. They were in a special case and we had to be careful because they were made of a stiff plastic and really old. If a card hit the table wrong or was dropped too hard it would crack or break. We only used those cards when we played Shanghai Rummy with my parents. To this day, when I see those cards, I think of Shanghai Rummy and laughter.

At other times we would play Spoons. We had to use the regular cards when we played Spoons because it quickly became crazy around that old table. Hands were moving lightening fast as we picked up cards and then slapped them down again. I remember my body being tense with excitement as I tried to watch the spoons in the middle of the table praying that I was fast enough to keep up with the older kids. My Sister, Chriss, was the queen of the sneak attack. She would quickly and quietly grab a spoon then keep playing like she didn’t have one! I learned very fast to watch her closely. I knew I wasn’t as slick as her (she was 15 years older than me!) but I was fast at grabbing a spoon.

Once I was married I tried to continue family night with my kids. During the first year of my marriage we would play board games every other Friday night. It would be my ex, the kids, my Son’s Dad, his girlfriend, her kid and any others that wanted to come to the house. There would be several of us in the kitchen cooking dinner together or, if the guys were outside grilling, we would get the rest of the food ready. Talking and laughter would fill every nook and cranny in that house. Then once we all finished eating and cleaning up, let the games begin! It would go until 3 or 4 in the morning most times. The kids would get restless or tired and wander off to some part of the house to sleep, play video games or watch a movie. The adults would continue talking, drinking and laughing. Most of the time, we were more interested in our conversation than in playing the game.

Sadly, when my marriage fell apart so did my family. My Daughter and I moved to Lawrence, my Son stayed in Alaska and family night became a distant memory. Over time my Daughter graduated and moved back to Alaska. My Son decided he wanted to live with me and moved to Lawrence a couple of years ago. We’ve done “family time” but it isn’t the same as before. Yes, there is laughter and fun but the organized chaos is gone.

No more kids running through the front door and out the back door with the dog in hot pursuit. No adults telling jokes or slamming dominoes on the table while talking about ‘back in the day’. Now it’s a shared movie while calmly eating dinner or a quick game of Rockband. At least that’s the way it’s been but I have a feeling that we’ll start seeing that organized chaos again.

You see, we recently had a new member temporarily join our family and something tells me that he hasn’t had enough family time during these last 15 years. It makes me sad to think he hasn’t experienced the noise, laughter and love of a good game night. This weekend it’s going to change. This weekend I plan on sitting around my old table with my 2 Sons and other ‘family’ and play a game or two. I want my new Son to experience the chaos that only the love of family can bring.

I was pleasantly surprised by the reaction to my last blog. Not just the comments and advice on the blog but by the private messages I received behind the scenes. There are a lot more singles out there, of all ages, that either had questions that were answered by the blog or they still have questions not yet expressed. Some were wondering if I would be willing to get some answers. So I decided to do an informal survey of both genders. I asked them one simple question:

If you could ask a man (or woman) any five (5) questions about dating, whether it is about meeting someone to date or anything about going out on a date, what would they be?

I decided to post the top 5 questions (that weren’t answered previously) and get general public opinion on them. I’m interested in what you think. So here they are:

From the women:

1. What kind of atmosphere would be best for getting to know someone? (i.e. coffeshop, movie, bar, friend's house, etc.)
2. What would be the first thing that would attract your attention? Eyes, smile, voice, clothes, figure, etc.
3. Who do you want to make the first move, you or her?
4. Do you ask a woman out simply to have sex or for possible companionship (getting to know her which might lead to sex)?
5. Why is it, if a man has sex on the first date he’s just being a guy but if a woman does, she’s a slut?

From the men:

1. How do I approach a woman without being labeled a jerk? (i.e. compliment on clothes, jerk. Buy a drink, jerk. Say she’s pretty, jerk.)
2. Do they really think they are fooling someone by eating so little during a date? (Just a side salad with no dressing and you’re stuffed? Really??)
3. Why do most women insist on acting like someone they aren’t?
4. Why do women chase the “bad boys” but run from the “good guys”?
5. Why is it difficult to be ready on time? Do you really think I like sitting on your couch with your pet and/or roommate staring at me? Do you not realize that it’s rude?

After much talk with my female friends I have decided it’s time to start dating again. It’s been several years since I last dated and I’ve recently come to the conclusion that it’s time to start a new chapter in my life. Since I have been out of the dating scene for many years, I did what I do, research.

While I’ve been reading (and tossing aside) some dating advice books, I’ve tried to focus on the ones that don’t seem shallow. One said that I needed to wear make-up to go jogging and if I don’t like my nose to get a doctor to fix it. Another said that if we’re not having sex within a couple of weeks, he’s not interested. Yes, I tossed those two books aside. I have settled on a book that is about dating after a divorce and one that helps a person figure out their dating personality and style. I didn’t know there was different styles or that a person could have a dating personality. I guess I am further out of the loop than I originally thought.

I also decided to ask my single friends and acquaintances what they do. I only asked women that were age 35 and up. I was sad to learn that most of them haven’t dated in over a year. It’s not because they didn’t want to, they just weren’t sure how to go about it either.

The three biggest questions seem to be, “If a woman in her mid 30’s (and older) wants to start dating again in Lawrence Kansas…”

1. How does she get back out there without spending a lot of money on a makeover?

2. Where does she go if she doesn’t like to bar hop and doesn’t want to drive to Topeka or KC?

3. How does she meet other singles without putting a personals ad online?

Recently I’ve been going through an extremely rough time. In order to do the right thing I have had to ruffle some feathers. I lost friends; at least I thought they were friends but now I wonder. I’ve also discovered that I have an untapped network of friends. People I had never even thought to turn to for support have come to me and said, I am here no matter what.

So what makes a friend?

The American Heritage Dictionary defines friend as 1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts. 2. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement. 3. Friend A member of the Society of Friends; Quaker.

When I think of a friend I think of someone I can trust to keep my business private. It’s someone who will respect my boundaries and personal space. I think a friend is someone who will stand beside me when times are tough and celebrate with me when life is good. A friend is someone who will tell me when I am wrong and listen when I tell them they are wrong. A friend is someone who loves me for being me. Respect, love, strength, support, laughter and tears: all of these come to mind when I think of a friend.

I can count my friends on one hand. I may only have a few but I wouldn’t trade one of them for anything in the world. The strength and wisdom they bring to my life is indescribable. They have opened my eyes to experiences and viewpoints I never even knew existed. They love me enough to tell me when I am suffering from rectal cranial inversion or being a witch. They didn’t get up and walk away during our now infamous “Taco Bell incident” and they laugh at my sarcasm.

Earlier today I said I didn’t know what I would do without them. The response? “I believe you would do just fine...but it is certainly better together!” To me, that says it all.

When you think of the word “friend” or “friendship” what comes to mind? Do you picture someone nearest and dearest to your heart? Do you start listing qualities you want in a friend? What about the qualities that you bring to the friendship?