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What I Want In A Man

This was sent to me by my niece, too good to not share and let you add your own. She added she had a few laugh tears. I responded, she had me at age 42 line 1.

What I Want In A Man

Original List:

Handsome
Charming
Financially successful
A caring listener
Witty
In good shape
Dresses with style
Appreciates finer thing
Full of thoughtful surprises
An imaginative, romantic lover

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

Nice looking
Opens car doors, holds chairs
Has enough money for a nice dinner
Listens more than talks
Laughs at my jokes
Carries bags of groceries with ease
Owns at least one tie
Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
Re members birthdays and anniversaries
Seeks romance at least once a week

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)

Not too ugly
Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
Nods head when I'm talking
Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
Remembers to put the toilet seat down
Shaves most weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
Doesn't belch or scratch in public
Doesn't borrow money too often
Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
Appreciates a good TV dinner
Remembers your name on occasion
Shaves some weekends

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

Doesn't scare small children
Remembers where bathroom is
Doesn't require much money for upkeep
Only snores lightly when asleep
Remembers why he's laughing
Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
Usually wears some clothes
Likes soft foods
Remembers where he left his teeth
Remembers that it's the weekend

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

Breathing
Doesn't miss the toilet .

By Multidisciplinary

July 2, 2009

Multidisciplinary

Discussion

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2 July 2009
at 2:25 p.m.

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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…

They left out health care and bib overalls..curious.
2 July 2009
at 2:50 p.m.

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Music_Girl (Anonymous) says…

Hahahahahahahaha….wow….about fell out of chair at work!
2 July 2009
at 4:07 p.m.

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RoeDapple (Anonymous) says…

At 61 I scored 50% of age 72……………

#4 on first list (sometimes)
#8 on second list
#7 on list 3
#1 on list 4 (if goin' out amungem')
and #5 on 5

In pretty good shape for the shape I'm in……
2 July 2009
at 4:18 p.m.

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Esq2eB (Anonymous) says…

I'm in shape…Round is a shape!
2 July 2009
at 4:31 p.m.

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jaywalker (Anonymous) says…

Now now. I'm proud and confident enough to say I rock out that original list while embracing the sunny side of 40. Excepting the 'handsome' line item, that is. Not for me to judge. I like to think of myself as un-unattractive. ;)
You ladies need to remember that if you allow the bar to slip men will absolutely take advantage. Don't let the bass-tarts ease up!
2 July 2009
at 9:07 p.m.

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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…

This is too funny. It never occurred to me that you guys would size yourselves up with this! I wish I had one for women. I thought about writing one..but I would have a hard time with lists for either sex..picking just ten!
And the laugh factor, I need 02 to type and this exercise in creativity might do me in.

I have to admit, I got a big kick out of doesn't scare small children.
3 July 2009
at 8:36 a.m.

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Music_Girl (Anonymous) says…

Multi, I think you should work on a list for women!! Maybe the men could contribute their ideas too! I think it would be hilarious!

3 July 2009
at 9:11 a.m.

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RoeDapple (Anonymous) says…

You're on your own on that, Multi! Any suggestions I would make would get the 'Is that what you think of me?', stinkeye look from across the table!

(P.S.- latest 'We Were Legends' blog is up. Finished it up watching “Flirty Girls Fitness” advertisement.)

(I think I'll order that one. For Mrs Roe, of course)
3 July 2009
at 9:18 a.m.

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oldvet (Anonymous) says…

Why It's Great To Be A Man
1. The garage is all yours.
2. Phone conversations last 30 seconds.
3. You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes.
4. A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5. Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
6. You can open all your own jars.
7. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
8. When clicking thru the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying.
9. You don't have to lug a bag of “necessary items” with you everywhere you go.
10. You can go to the bathroom alone.
11. Your last name stays put.
12. You can leave a hotel room bed unmade.
13. You can kill your own food.
14. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
15. You see the humor in “Terms of Endearment.”
16. You never have to clean the toilet.
17. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
18. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
19. If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend.
20. Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 6.
21. None of your coworkers have the power to make you cry.
22. You don't have to shave below your neck.
23. You don't have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night.
24. If you're 34 and single, no one notices.
25. Chocolate is just another snack.
26. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
27. Flowers fix everything (or duct tape).
28. You never have to worry about each other's feelings.
29. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
30. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
31. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
32. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
33. You don't give a flip if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.
34. You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking, “He must be mad at me.”
35. One mood. All the time.
36. You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him.
37. Same work….more pay. Well, OK, nowadays it's less, but we still come out ahead.
38. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
39. Wedding dress: $2000 dollars. Tux rental: $100 bucks.
40. You don't care if someone is talking behind your back.
41. You don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else's plate.
42. If you retain water, it is in a canteen.
43. The remote is yours and yours alone.
44. You need not pretend you're “freshening up” when you go to the bathroom.
45. If you don't call your buddy when you said you would, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
46. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
47. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
48. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
49. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
50. You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny.
3 July 2009
at 10:01 a.m.

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Music_Girl (Anonymous) says…

oldvet, I have to agree on some of those things for sure. I would surely enjoy punting the small, ankle biting dog! What I really don't understand is that places make the men's and women's restrooms the same size but it's common knowledge that the women's line is ALWAYS longer so why isn't there compensation especially at big places like ball stadiums?!?
3 July 2009
at 10:57 a.m.

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RedwoodCoast (Anonymous) says…

No money, no honey…
3 July 2009
at 12:31 p.m.

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hodgesmom (Dayle Hodges) says…

I don't understand anyone who wants to “punt” a small dog………ankle-biting or not.
3 July 2009
at 12:55 p.m.

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SandCoAlmanac (Anonymous) says…

Music_Girl — Years ago, I think it was, I heard that at least one of the Kansas City pro sports stadia was remodelled to include either twice as many women's restrooms, or they would be twice as large. Does anyone know?
3 July 2009
at 2:24 p.m.

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coolmom (Anonymous) says…

this was all funny, i did think the idea of punting the small dog was funny even though i would never do so it was funny
3 July 2009
at 2:52 p.m.

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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…

To the reader I discussed the sex change with (lol) according to oldvets list, I'm already 90-95% complete! To the rest of you, that had to do with the lack of restrooms available at the end of a 80 mile late night drive to the west of Lawrence when public restrooms are closed, but drive-thrus are open.

As to the ankle biters, you can punt-push them away..but that tends to encourage them (wink). There was a recent uproar in Britain about a man who kicked his fiance's Yorkie and killed it in an argument. One blow killed it. Court decided it did not suffer but died instantly, thus it was not cruelty, so they did not fine him or lock him up. He was terribly remorseful. He had gotten it for her as a gift.
—
SandCO, Yes, I can't remember which one.
—
A reader pm'd me with this list.

What I want in a Woman
Original List:

1.Hot
2.Flirtatious
3.Rich Heiress
4.Socially graceful
5.Let's me have “guy nights”
6.Wears low cut tops and short, short skirts
7.Gets along with my mother
8.Supports my career

Revised List (age 32)
1.Cute
2.Sweet
3.High paying business executive
4.Throws good parties and remembers to invite my friends
5.Let's me have the garage
6.Wears skirts
7.Tolerates my mother
8.Makes sure I have clean pants for work

Revised List (age 42)
1.Average attractiveness
2.Smiles more than yells
3.Has a job
4.Puts make up on for going out
5.Let's me have the remote
6.Doesn't dress like she is 16 again
7.Doesn't openly mock my mother
8.Makes sure I have clean underwear for work

Revised List (age 52)
1.Not ugly
2.Doesn't give me the death glare
3.Doesn't spend all my money
4.Goes out…
5.Let's me use the toilet first in the morning
6.Covers the sags and bags
7.Stays away from my mother
8.Shoves me out of bed in the morning to wake me up for work

Revised List (age 62)
1.Doesn't make me jump when I roll over in bed
2.Doesn't smack me every 2 seconds
3.What's an ATM card?
4.Stays in…
5.Gets me toilet paper when it runs out and I'm sitting on the toilet
6.Doesn't wear bright pink lipstick
7.Sleeps through everything

Revised List (age 72)
1.Talks
2.Laughs
3.Likes rocking chairs on the front porch

3 July 2009
at 3:41 p.m.

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Pywacket (Anonymous) says…

I think Alberta Hunter had the right idea of what qualities a good man should possess, with the song, “(My Man is Such a) Handy Man.” You can find it on her 1992 recording, “My Castle's Rockin'.”
Tried to find a YouTube recording of Hunter singing this classic, but no luck. Here's the only version I found there: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gf6v8Y… .

IMO, it's a poor sub for Hunter and the piano is overpowering but at least it gives you an idea of the tune. It's the double-entendre lyrics that are so endearing—this was a 1920s song—pretty racy!

Lyrics to My Handyman:

Whoever said a good man was hard to find,
Postively, absolutely sure was blind;
I found the best that ever was,
Here's just some of the things he does:

He shakes my ashes, greases my griddle,
Churns my butter, strokes my fiddle;
My man is such a handy man!

He threads my needle, creams my wheat,
Heats my heater, chops my meat;
My man is such a handy man!

Don't care if you believe or not,
He sure is good to have around;
Why, when my furnace gets too hot,
He's right there to turn my damper down!

For everything he's got a scheme;
You ought to see his new starter that he uses on my machine;
My man is such a handy man!

He flaps my flapjacks, cleans off the table, He feeds the horses in my stable; My man is such a handy man!

He's God's gift!

Sometimes he's up long before dawn,
Busy trimming the rough edges off my lawn;
Oooh, you can't get away from it! He's such a handy man!

Never has a single thing to say,
While he's working hard;
I wish that you could see the way
He handles my front yard!

My ice don't get a chance to melt away,
He sees that I get that old fresh piece every day;
Lord, that man sure is such a handy man!
2 August 2009
at 1:44 p.m.

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Donnuts (Anonymous) says…

So are you 52 yet, I'm STILL looking for a good woman. I guess that is because I am in Lawrence.