"Irish In the Pool" by The Irish Chronicles / LJWorld.com

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Irish In the Pool

Do you remember Esther Williams? That is Tom and Jerry she is swimming with.

The moment had arrived, time for me to swim the swim.

Slight digression, I remember when flip flops first arrived in this country from Asia. No one was quite sure what they were and you were considered very daring if you wore them. People pointed at my feet and a man shouted that Americans don't wear Chinese shoes. Bravely I soldiered on scorned, yet secure in the sure knowledge that one day we would be a nation of flip flopper's

"You're going to make a tsunami when you jump in the pool," glumly predicted my grandson.

No jumping was done. I went down the first step holding on to the pole with a death grip. Several children were swimming in the pool and I heard the father of one group talking to them in a foreign language. I assumed it was Spanish which I am learning. So, I said hola, to the girl as she climbed out beside me. Got only a blank look. Same for the other child. Later I told this to my daughter, and laughing she explained that one family is from Russia and the other is Native.

I am Irish and I was trying to speak Spanish to a Russian and a Native. Oh, well.

I went down the second step. The water was cold. Third step and then I was standing on the bottom of the pool. I turned from the pole and grabbed for my daughters leg. She was sitting on the edge of the pool. She flinched and demanded to know what I was doing. I told her that I was using her for an anchor. Use the side of the pool she advised. I was in labor with her four days! And, this is what I get!

I turned and put both hands on the side of the pool and to my great surprise they did not slip off. Not bad. I felt rather buoyant. Then for a grand finale I put my legs out straight behind me, holding on to the edge of the pool, and kicked my feet a few times. This was rather difficult.

It was actually fun and now I am thinking, what was it that I was so terrified of all those years?

These jokes have nothing to do with swimming. I just thought they were funny, and who doesn't need a laugh.

You might be old if::

Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

You feel like the morning after, and you haven't been anywhere.

Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.

Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.

Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.

You look forward to a dull evening.

Your knees buckle and your belt won't.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.

By Irish Swearingen

July 9, 2009

The Irish Chronicles

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9 July 2009
at 5:24 p.m.

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RoeDapple (Anonymous) says…

So if all those jokes apply to me does that make them less humorous?

pictures! We want pictures of the blond haired, blue eyed lady in her two piece yellow polka dot bikini!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwGnyL…
9 July 2009
at 7:54 p.m.

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Irish (Irish Swearingen) says…

You know I still remember all the words to those songs.
I thought the jokes were very funny especially the your back goes out more than you do.
How true.
But, I can still laugh.
9 July 2009
at 8:39 p.m.

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RoeDapple (Anonymous) says…

Yep! Moved a 3500# rock (yard art, – hmmpphhh!) last Friday. Been out so long I'm wondering if it will ever come home!