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How do you Deal


Cue cheesy music and twinkly lights. Audience applauds as polyester-suit-clad Bob Talksalot prances onto the stage.BOB: Hello Ladies and Gents, welcome to "How do you Deal," the game show where parent contestants get to try out responses to the news that their child has just read the results of the school play auditions and found that their name was not included on the cast list. I am your host, Bob Talksalot. Let's play!Cue music and applause.BOB: Contestant Number One Little Jaynie has just come home in tears because she didn't make the play:What do you do?DAD ONE: Well, I'd call that director right away and tell him that he's obviously blind if he can't see how much talent my Jaynie has. Why everyone else has always said that she has got dramatic talent, the way she can cry on cue and all. I would demand an immediate explanation, and I would tell that director to look for another job if he can't cast the really talented kids. And I'd make sure the other parents know how unfair that director is.BOB: Thank you, contestant Number One. Contestant Number Two, same question.MOM TWO: I would keep her away from those drama types, and never let her audition again. She's too good for them anyway. And then I would write an anonymous letter to the director, and send a copy to the principal of the school, letting them know how displeased all we parents are that only 30 kids seem to get all the good roles. And who cares about things like occupancy limits, and fire codes, and personal safety, and budget limits and presenting a quality performance surely supervising 70 teenagers in the dark can't be THAT difficult for two adults.BOB: Thank you! Now on to Contestant Number Three. What do you do in this situation?DAD THREE: First, I'd ask Jaynie if she had filled out all her audition forms completely. Then I'd ask if she showed up on time for her audition and was courteous, polite, and confident. Then I'd ask her to tell me about her audition what she thought she did well, what she thought she could improve on for next time. I'd ask her if anyone else she auditioned with got cast, and what strong qualities she saw in them that she could model next time. I'd let her cry, we'd talk about disappointments and how they present some great learning opportunities in life this won't be the last disappointment she knows. And a few days later, I'd encourage her to ask the director when she could find some time to talk about what skills she could improve for her next audition, and to inquire how to be a member of the technical crew.BOB: Judges?Cue sound of dinger and wild applause from the crowd.BOB: Congratulations, Contestant Number Three! You know How to Deal, and so will your daughter! In fact, she's more likely to see her name on the cast list at the next audition, AND she'll get to participate in this current production by being on the crew. After all, I wouldn't look or sound this good without all the technical assistants! (laughs) Thanks for playing. See you all next time on "How do you Deal."Cue cheesy theme music, and fade out.


David Lignell 10 years, 1 month ago

Hilarious, Lisa! I love the game show transcript approach. Like all good satire, it's close enough to the truth to hurt. In fact, I can actually picture parents who might try similar approaches with their kids, whether it's not making the star in the school play or not being designated "gifted" along with the other 100,000 children in the Lawrence area. Good Lord, it really IS a game show, isn't it?

geekin_topekan 10 years ago

When I worked for a contractor up on the hill I was introduced to the children of #1 and 2.Your portrayal of each is so close to reality I can feel the acid rise in my throat! The kids would mention to the parents that they were ordered (by me or my boss)hands off of our work area.Most without malice. However,mommy or daddy called the school and complain about the rude contractor who bullied their kid.The school would call the contractor,the contractor would call the foreman and the foreman woiuld call me($*it rolls downhill).No party in this chain of events would take this seriously and a good laugh was had by all.But the arrogance was staggering.Had #1 or 2 stopped to think for a second that maybe(just maybe)we were acting in the childs best interest?Or introducing them to life's simple lessons that Mom or Dad failed to teach?

Ronda Miller 10 years ago

Good one Lisa! I think we are still missing a few Dads in the mix, but you have the main types down pretty well.

The most important one is the Dad who asked the child how they felt about the situation, what they learned from it, and how they would react next time. If the child wanted to brainstorm about the events, then the dad could add additional insight that only a parent who knows that unique child might have.

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