I am BATMAN.

Posted by Brucewayne November 10, 2009 at 9:10 a.m.

After my day job(running a multi million dollar corp) while the rest of Lawrence finishes dinner, I am headed to my basement for my "other" job. Not just a basement, but a cave under my mansion. I moniter all my cameras as I take in the local news. I finally got White Owl behind bars, you're welcome.And YellowHouse has yet to escape. After getting caught up I begin to dress.I trade my Armani suit for tights and silk shorts. I load an arsenal of homemade weapons onto my yellow utility belt.H1N1 antidote? Check. THC test kit?Check.I love fighting crime. Not halfway there and I am frowning ear to ear. I am tired, capturing White Owl has taken it's toll. I should be happy, how many people get to beat up criminals for a living?I head east down sixth street, that damn annoying theme song of mine blasting through the speakers...na na na na na na na na.....I slump in the seat and reach for my tums.Going to be a long night.I have been doing this for 40 plus years. The novelty has worn off. I back into my private space in the parking garage next to city hall. My informant, The Toupee, tells me a deal is going down at one of the high schools. Some pay offs involving some contractors and the booster club. Nothing new to me, been going on for years.I smoke a blunt of K2 with my former informant "The Crutch". Being a superhero feels amazingly different than it did when I was young.This town has changed.Crime rate highest ever. I consider retiring.Finding a woman(is Diana Prince still single?) , and downsizing the cave. I am not here to tell you how to feel about me.I am not here to tell you anything at all.I am writing this blog to let you know I am tired.I think I will take a nap. there is still alot to write. to be continued.

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honeychild (Mel Briscoe) says…

so, dude, you've moved from gotham-- which is a fictitional hybrid of NYC, detroit and chicago-- to lawrence?... you lost me w/ that one.
November 10, 2009 at 9:27 a.m.
Kash_Encarri (anonymous) says…

He was looking for the one place more liberal than those three combined. It was either Lawrence or Berkley, CA. Apparently the batmobile ran out of gas before it reached Cali. :-)
November 10, 2009 at 9:44 a.m.
honeychild (Mel Briscoe) says…

okay, well that explains things. and he wasn't artsy fartsy and esoteric enough to stop off at greenwich village.... gotcha. lol
November 10, 2009 at 9:49 a.m.
kthxbi (anonymous) says…

I will not pass judgment on your vigilante life style. You are providing a much needed service, and as misunderstood as you may be I, for one, thank you.
November 10, 2009 at 9:49 a.m.
jonas_opines (anonymous) says…

http://www.gfarnsworth.com/Vanessa/gr...
November 10, 2009 at 9:52 a.m.
honeychild (Mel Briscoe) says…

so what are the names of the villians you have to fight here in kansas, batman?
November 10, 2009 at 9:59 a.m.
The_Original_Bob (anonymous) says…

Haha. Good one, Bruce.
November 10, 2009 at 10:08 a.m.
Fixed_Asset (anonymous) says…

But, Bruce, don't you think your "maleness" is being exploited somehow? Something to think about.
November 10, 2009 at 10:14 a.m.
RETICENT_IRREVERENT (Ronaldo Ignacio) says…

Convergence...
November 10, 2009 at 10:38 a.m.
Irish (Leslie Swearingen) says…

Love the blog and hope there will be others to follow. I sleep better at night just knowing you are out there, somewhere, doing, something.,
November 10, 2009 at 10:42 a.m.
Jodi_B (anonymous) says…

Thanks Bruce (for protecting Larryville & for a good laugh).
November 10, 2009 at 11:20 a.m.
RoeDapple (anonymous) says…

bRUcE. ThE brIEfCaSe oF CaSh WaSN"t ThERe. I aM rELeAsiNg tHe PhoToS. HErE iS THe FiRSt...

http://mayopie.files.wordpress.com/20...
November 10, 2009 at 11:24 a.m.
consumer1 (anonymous) says…

Bruce, have you solved the case of the foot in a mason jar yet? Or how about the case of corruption at city hall, the "NO fireworks scandal"?
November 10, 2009 at 12:28 p.m.
denak (anonymous) says…

This town has changed.... I consider retiring.Finding a woman,,,,"

"Anna Undercover" is available. You two have something in common. You both work at night and wear tights.
November 10, 2009 at 12:40 p.m.
honeychild (Mel Briscoe) says…

^^^ anna wears tights??
November 10, 2009 at 12:50 p.m.
3crookedhearts (anonymous) says…

wake up people! This person is clearly an imposter, as Batman (Bruce Wayne) was destroyed by the power of the Omega Sanction, wielded by Darkseid, at the end of the events known as Final Crisis. Nice try "BruceWayne."
November 10, 2009 at 2:14 p.m.
75x55 (anonymous) says…

Frankly, I'm suspicious from the very start - anyone who actually has a job and responsibilities doesn't have time to entertain others of the driveling class.
November 10, 2009 at 2:18 p.m.
Agnostick (anonymous) says…

So, what's your excuse, then, 75x55?
November 10, 2009 at 2:32 p.m.
headdoctor (anonymous) says…

Kash_Encarri (Anonymous) says…
He was looking for the one place more liberal than those three combined. It was either Lawrence or Berkley, CA. Apparently the batmobile ran out of gas before it reached Cali. :-)
_________________________________________________
Naw, the word on the street is Batman was in his original bat cave playing around on the computers when in the nIck of time he spotted danger. When Batman investigated, he suspected this stranger who was walking around at night. Batman chased the suspect to a parking garage but all he ever saw was a little red sports car that sprang out at Batman from no where and headed down the highway. Batman followed the car all the way to Lawrence. Batman liked the area so well he just decided to stay.
November 10, 2009 at 2:33 p.m.
Irish (Leslie Swearingen) says…

Roe, I think that picture was a sit up. I am Robins cuzin and know he would not do that.
November 10, 2009 at 2:52 p.m.
remember_username (anonymous) says…

Clearly false as everyone knows the wearing of silk shorts with tights generates a large static charge, and in a region of the anatomy from which no one likes to arc.
November 10, 2009 at 3:23 p.m.
75x55 (anonymous) says…

Point to MY blog, stalker.
November 10, 2009 at 3:48 p.m.
Irish (Leslie Swearingen) says…

Batman, I love you. I have a life size poster of you on the wall and the roaches flock beneath it. The mothers have even built a nest to raise their babies.
You are protecting the young!
Thank you Batman.
xoxoxoxo
November 11, 2009 at 9:40 a.m.
LadyJ (anonymous) says…

You have to admit, it is a funny spin on two of the latest blogs. I like this one better, good job.
November 11, 2009 at 2:50 p.m.
honeychild (Mel Briscoe) says…

wow, irish, i think i just threw up in my mouth a little.......
November 11, 2009 at 2:59 p.m.
artichokeheart (anonymous) says…

Another poster just had the same thing happen a few days ago.
November 11, 2009 at 3:05 p.m.
ksdivakat (anonymous) says…

I LOVE this blog!!! I am laughing my hinney off!!! Please Bruce...keep them coming, I am forever gratful that you are out there at night keeping me safe from whatever foul rolls in from topeka or KC!!! I love you Batman!!!!!
November 11, 2009 at 3:14 p.m.
emily_litella (anonymous) says…

Once I was over at Sylvia Plathe's house and had to leave early. I remember she said she was very tired and wanted to take a nap...but, she was just going to finish this last batch of cookies first.
November 11, 2009 at 3:39 p.m.