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LJWorld.com weblogs For Whom the Pell Tolls

WWJD: What would Jesper Do?

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I don’t know much about Jesper Parnevik, who he is, or what he’s about, but I do know this: He says he's mad. We all know what happened to Tiger Woods with the cheating, the women and the rehab. We know that Jesper and his wife Mia are said to have introduced Tiger and Elin way back in 2001, and sure, Parnevik might feel some anger at that.

Since Thanksgiving 2009, the country has speculated and judged Woods' character. So for fun, I’d like to know what Parnevik, one of Woods' biggest critics, would do if he were in Woods' shoes, or rather if he could even know what it’s like. Is it fair to judge when you can never understand how it is to be more famous or as famous as the president of the United States for instance? I would argue yes. Parnevik and Woods have more in common than you’d think.

For starters, I’d say that Jesper could conceivably find himself in a similar situation with a large number of women. Most of you are probably saying, “Yeah right, a tall, skinny Swedish guy could never get as many women as the most dominant, high profile golfer of all time,” and that was my gut instinct too, but when you think about it … well let's look at the facts.

First, Parnevik is a snazzy dresser and always has been. So, because women go crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed man, we can assume that women, at least before he was married, went crazy for Parnevik. He must have had better than marginal success with the ladies being a successful, young, golfer who began playing professionally at the age of 21. His eye-popping clothing and upturned hat not only screamed, “Look at me,” but “Look at me, I know exactly what I’m doing. I may look stupid to some of you, but to rest of the world I’ve just made a name for myself.” I believe pea-cocking is the term used to describe this phenomenon today. He clearly has style.

He’s also smart. He invented being known for your look in a sport where, if you want, you can dress yourself in a colorful manner to attract attention and fans. That takes inventiveness and a deep understanding of marketing. Parnevik is still known better for his attire than his play. The only other golfers to achieve similar notoriety using this method are the late, great Payne Stewart, who was known as much for his knee-high knickers as his incredible play, and Ian Poulter, whose spiked hair and ever-colorful, ever-flamboyant outfits have distinguished him from other contemporaries with similar playing records. This puts Parnevik in an exclusive club and that’s hot.

Then there’s the matter of his playing record and financial achievements. He’s won five PGA tour events over the course of his career with two runner-up finishes in the British Open, and while that’s not quite up to par with Woods' other-worldly career totals, he’s still Sweden’s most successful golfer to date. His career earnings are $15,207,897 according to the PGA tour’s count, making him easily a millionaire and easily more appealing to the opposite sex. Last time I checked, money and success never hurt a man’s ability to seduce women.

Finally, there’s his breeding to consider. Jesper’s father, Bo Parnevik, was Sweden’s most famous comedian. Assuming Jesper inherited at least a portion of his father’s funny bone at birth, he has a good sense of humor, and we all know that humor is the door to any woman’s heart, especially if you’re not good-looking, style-savvy, rich or successful enough to get them otherwise, which we’ve proved Parnevik is.

In short, Parnevik could, without much effort, find himself with as many women as Woods himself: at least in theory.

Although Parnevik isn’t nearly as famous as Woods, doesn’t have the same amount of money in his purse or possess that once untouchable aura, he at least potentially has an idea what it’s like to be swimming in a sea full of beautiful fish ready to jump into his boat. He’s the perfect man to judge Woods. He’s exactly like him in one major way: playability, which is more than most of us can say.

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