(This post was written by Caitie Hilton last month...sorry for the delay in posting it.)

Recently I attended Mental Health Advocacy Day at the Capitol and had a chance to learn about the current issues facing the mental health system in Kansas as well as speak to my representatives and senators.

When Governor Brownback came into office in January, he came up with a list of programs whose funding he thought should be cut. The mental health system is one of those programs, and it is now facing huge funding cuts, on top of the massive cuts they have endured over the last three years.

Governor Brownback’s plan includes:

1. Cutting $10.2 million from State Aid to Community Mental Health Centers. Across the state of Kansas, these centers serve nearly 18,000 people and of that number, 3% of them have no insurance at all. If this funding is cut, these people will be turned away.

2. Cut the Family Centered Systems of Care program, which provides children with severe mental illnesses and their families with services such as psychiatric medications, therapy, rehab services, support to family and parent support. Almost 850 kids and families benefit from this program in any given month.

3. Cutting $500,000 in salaries and wages at the State Hospitals.

4. Close 14 beds at Rainbow Mental Health Facility

Along with these plans, he is rejecting the following plans:

1. Funding $3.4 million to the staff at the 30-bed unit at Osawatomie State Hospital to address the accelerating growth in admissions.

2. Support funding for private hospital beds. Many urban areas have numerous psychiatric hospitals to serve people who need inpatient resources. In rural areas, however, people often suffer the greatest hardship because of the distance to state hospital.

3. Support extending the statutory exemption from preferred drug list for sensitive mental health medications provided by the Medicaid and MediKan programs.

4. Restore cuts to addiction treatment programs.

5. Support flexible funding streams that support children and families, including coordination of care.

I would like to address each item of Governor Brownback’s funding cuts individually, starting with cutting funds to Community Mental Health centers (CMHC) and the Family Centered Systems of Care.

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Because of the poor economy, the CMHCs have seen an increase in the number of clients they are seeing.

According to the Kansas Mental Health Coalition, one-third of Kansans with mental illnesses or substance abuse disorders (or both) who are under the federal poverty line are uninsured. In addition, 34% are underinsured and have unmet mental health needs but encountered cost of treatment as a barrier to seeking treatment.

For these people, State grants fund services for the uninsured and underinsured who don’t qualify for Medicaid and don’t have the resources to pay for their mental health treatment.

Without treatment and care, it is highly likely that they will end up in contact with law enforcement, hospital emergency rooms or State Psychiatric Hospitals (which are the most costly levels of care).

Individuals who can be treated in the community have been shown to have an improved quality of life and faster recovery at a significantly lower cost. For this reason, treatment at a community level is part of a cost-effective budget.

The current costs for community and non-community treatment are:

• $22/day to treat a Medicaid patient with a SPMI (severe and persistent mental illness) diagnosis at a CMHC.

• $10/day average to treat a non-SPMI Medicaid consumer at a CMHC

• $428/day at a State Psychiatric Hospital

• $257/day at a Psychiatric Residential Treatment Facility

• $80/day incarcerated at Larned Correctional Mental Health Facility

Governor Brownback’s proposed funding cuts will include eliminating State Aid funding, which has been allocated at $10.2 million since the 1980’s, and funding to the Family Centered System of Care, funded at $5 million. In total, his proposed budget cuts will eliminate at least $20 million to some of the most vulnerable Kansans at the same time increasing the need for far more expensive treatment options.

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The next item on Brownback’s proposed cuts list is inpatient psychiatric hospitals. Currently, SRS operates three State Hospitals: Osawatomie (OSH), Larned State Hospital (LSH) and Rainbow Mental Health Facility (RMHF).

These hospitals are facing stagnant budgets, crumbling and condemned buildings and an increase in patients. Because of this, a change has been made in the utilization philosophy. They have gone from being able to provide long-term residential treatment to being restricted to providing short-term acute care services.

Currently, the average stay for an adult at one of these hospitals is 5 days. At the same time, inpatient admissions have continued to increase, as has the need for more beds.

All three hospitals regularly operate over census. OSH operates over census one out of every three days a week, and LSH operates over census more than four of five days.

From this past July – December, OSH was over census 34% of the time and LSH was over census 83% of the time. In May and July of 2010, the State Psychiatric Hospitals had to refuse voluntary inpatient admissions because they had no available beds. Yet a mere $3.1 million increase in funding would accommodate the growing number in admissions.

Instead, 14 beds out of the 50 at the Rainbow Mental Health Facility have been cut to save $812,000 in staffing costs. (RMHF serves clients from Johnson and Wyandotte counties.)

So…at a time when we are already facing a severe shortage of psychiatric care beds in Kansas, Gov. Brownback wants to eliminate even more of them!

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Another point I feel that I should mention is preserving open access to Mental Health Prescriptions. Kansas is noted for having one of the best state statutes related to medication for mental health conditions in the country.

Passed in 2002, KS 39-7, 121 b. exempts mental health prescription drugs from prior authorization or a preferred drug list.

This is important because preferred drug lists are specifically designed to reduce the use of certain drugs, no matter how effective, by limiting which drugs can be prescribed to patients without preapproval from the insurance company or, if a drug is not on the list, by setting up administrative steps that patients and/or doctors must take to (hopefully) get approval for the drug that actually works best.

These preferred drug lists are primarily based on the cost of the medication (because older or generic drugs are much cheaper), so the state expects to get savings from better pricing from the manufacturers. As a result, the new, more expensive drugs are far more likely to be restricted.

Unfortunately, these newer restricted drugs are also usually the drugs that are more effective, better tolerated and have fewer side effects, which leads to decreased medication non-compliance and improved results.

Effective medication is a large element of mental health recovery. Effective medication helps control symptoms, makes the illness manageable, and increases daily functioning and quality of life.

For this reason, continuity of effective medication is key to maintaining recovery. And this continuity is accomplished by preserving open access.

It results in a 65% decrease in inpatient costs, a 55% decrease in emergency room costs and an overall savings of $116 per patient, per month. It allows children with mental illnesses to stay in their homes and schools, and allow adults to stay in their community, get jobs, acquire independent living and contribute to their community.

Studies about open access (along with the experience of other states) have repeatedly shown that full access to the complete range of medications used to treat mental health conditions saves money, both in Medicaid and State General Funds.

Other data across numerous states has shown that restricting the access to these medications drives up costs exponentially. For example, when California forced patients with mental illnesses to switch to cheaper medication, it cost the state $6-8,000 per person more because of increased hospitalization.

The Kansas Coalition for Mental Health has figured up the numbers, which clearly show that preserving open access will save our state money.

For example, one week of hospitalization would cost $15,554 for a patient who required inpatient hospitalization because of symptoms caused by a lack of access to an antipsychotic drug not on the preferred drug list.

However, maintaining that person on a newer antipsychotic medication for one year would cost only $15,000!

In addition, patients who discontinue medication and end up in jail or prison cost roughly $23,000 a year per patient.

The institutional costs avoided by medication therapy are about $73,000 per year per patient.

~~~

Since 2008, there has been a $20 million reduction in Mental Health Reform grants. That is a 65% reduction in these funds. If Governor Brownback’s proposed cuts are approved, they will be cut even more.

No other state programs have taken a 65% cut. And these new proposed cuts would actually zero out some highly effective programs, such as a children’s program that provides treatment to the children of families that don’t qualify for Medicaid but can’t afford health insurance.

We as a state simply can’t afford to do this!

After all, mental illness affects people of all ages from all walks of life. Indeed, 1 in 4 Kansans will have a mental illness at some point in their lives.

I repeat…1 in 4 Kansas will have a mental illness at some point in their lives!!

We’re not talking something that affects someone else. Something you’ll never have to deal with. We’re talking about an illness that either you or a family member or a friend will have.

~~~

Recovery from a mental illness is vital to living a productive life.

For those of us who have mental illnesses, continued access to Community Mental Health Centers, psychiatric hospitals (when needed) and open access to medication are necessary for recovery.

For those of you or your loved ones who will develop a mental illness, they will be equally necessary.

Governor Brownback’s proposed cuts to mental health services will not save the state money. Not in either the short or the long term.

If people cannot afford services at their CMHC and do not have access to the medications that help them manage their symptoms, they are likely not going to be able to be functioning members of society.

Repeated hospitalizations and contact with law enforcement that leads to incarceration will increase dramatically. The lack of ability to function will lead to people not being able to hold jobs. All of this is going to lead to both a decreased quality of life for people with a treatable illness and increased costs to the taxpayer.

The numbers clearly show that cutting mental health funding will not save the state money, but will, instead, increase what the state…and taxpayers…end up paying per year.

~~~

Not surprisingly, Governor Brownback did not accept our invitation to make an appearance at the Mental Health Advocacy Day.

If Governor Brownback is so willing to make such drastic cuts, I feel he owes an explanation to the people directly affected. Lieutenant Governor Jeff Coyler did attend and wanted to pass on a message from Governor Brownback: “Governor Brownback wants to ensure that all Kansans are treated humanely and equally.”

I had to bite my tongue.

These proposed cuts will not treat the mentally ill humanely or equally. As I wrote previously, no other program has suffered having their funds cut by 65%.

Since Governor Brownback is so eager to cut funding for the state mental health system (and so unwilling to speak to those directly affected), I have one request for you: please, please, PLEASE write or e-mail or call your Representatives and Senators and ask them to not cut mental health funding.

Mental illnesses are life-threatening illnesses. People die from them every day. Cutting mental health funding is a disaster waiting to happen. An unnecessary, expensive disaster.

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The Recovery and Hope Network (RAHN) is a small yet wildly successful local nonprofit serving people with severe and persistent mental illness in Douglas County. Written by members and staff of RAHN (it’s pronounced “rain”), the purpose of this blog – Flying Over The Cuckoo’s Nest – is to educate people about mental illness and the possibility of recovery, to reduce fear and stigma, and to reach out to those in need and their families and friends, neighbors and coworkers.

1009 New Hampshire, Suites C & D
Lawrence, KS 66044

Tel: 785-856-1222
Email: info@recoveryandhope.org
Website: http://recoveryandhope.org
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Recovery-and-Hope-Network-RAHN/114529948569741
Blog:: http://www2.ljworld.com/weblogs/flying-over-the-cuckoos-nest/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“No one thinks they need CIT officers until either an officer or a mentally ill person ends up dead. That’s how it always happens – that’s how it always works.” – Major Sam Cochran, founder of Crisis Intervention Teams

Crisis Intervention Teams was an program started in Memphis, TN by Major Sam Cochran. The idea for CIT came about in 1988, after the MPD shot and killed a man who was in crisis.

CIT training has two main purposes:

• Teaching officers de-escalation strategies (teaching them to come into situations in the least-threatening way, while keeping themselves and the person in crisis safe).
• Redirecting individuals from the criminal justice system to the mental health care system (after implementing CIT, only 2.5% of crisis calls resulted in incarceration).

Some of the basics about CIT training:

• Officers volunteer to participate in CIT training. They can also be selected for the training, but it is not required.
  
• Officers participate in a 5-day, 40-hour training that includes mental health and substance abuse experts, legal experts, consumer/family advocates, and experienced CIT officers.

Once an officer is trained in CIT, high-risk crisis calls are diverted to on-duty CIT trained officers. The CIT officer, employing a de-escalation intervention strategy may transport the individual to the hospital emergency room. The mental health system assumes “custody” and provides a “police-friendly” efficient turn around time for the officer to return to normal patrol duties. If a person has committed a non-violent, minor crime, they may be diverted to a “mental health court” where they would be ordered to participate in treatment (or hospitalization) instead of being put into the jail system. Upon successfully completing treatment, the charges would be dropped.

~~~~~

As a consumer myself, with a long history of bipolar disorder, I have had police contact on a few occasions in which I was in a severe crisis. Unfortunately, none of the experiences left me feeling good about the mental health training the police department has.

Currently, they have very little mental health training, and certainly not 40 hours of intensive training. I tried to get a specific number of mental health training hours that the LPD goes through but was never able to reach anyone for comment. As a KU student, I have also had contact with the KU Public Safety office while in crisis. To my surprise, KU has been much more pleasant to deal with than the Lawrence Police Department.

Winter is always a particularly hard time for me (along with thousands of others with depression). I had fallen into a mixed state (which is a combination of mania and depression) and my roommate became concerned about my well-being. In desperation one night, she called the police department to check on me.

When they showed up, the main RO (responding officer) had the attitude right from the start that the call was a waste of time, and that it wasn’t anything serious.

He began badgering me about why they had been called to the house, and lectured me about the difference between being sane and insane, never mind the fact that my roommate was the one who had called the police.

At one point, he actually said that I was wasting his time (when my roommate reminded him that SHE was the one who called, he blatantly ignored her and started back in on me).

Later, at the ER, when I tried to explain to the officer what had happened leading up to her calling the police, the officer repeatedly told me that he had no specialized training and “would like to keep it that way”. When a nurse asked about mental health training, he bragged that he was able to get “grandfather out of it”, because they didn’t require it when he was first hired to the department.

Thankfully the Lawrence Police Department now requires a small amount of mental health training for new officers, but it’s still not enough. Even a little sensitivity towards my situation would have been better than what I got.

My roommate used to be a Johnson County police officer, and she later noted that it seemed like the officer was trying to escalate the situation, trying to amp things up so that I would react.

She even filed a complaint with his Sergeant, and urged me to do the same. When I spoke with his Sergeant later, he showed great concern at the way the officer had acted.

(When the same officer responded to another incident later, his Sergeant showed up with him. This time, he was polite as can be. I think that had he been a CIT-trained officer, he wouldn’t have shown up the first time with the attitude that we were wasting his time, nor would he have been as hostile as he was.)

I also would like to note that when my roommate was an officer, she was CIT-trained and she is also a consumer with a mental illness. She is probably one of the best people to speak about the need for CIT training for Law Enforcement because she has been on both sides. For her, using her CIT training was a favorite part of her job.

She said that, although some officers grumbled about the training, the majority of them really enjoyed it (participation is voluntary). She feels that the training gave her an extra sense of safety because she knew how to better handle crisis situations in which people may be unpredictable. She also knows the statistics – that death, injury, arrests and SWAT calls all decrease because of CIT training.

As I have spoken with other consumers about their interactions with the police department while in crisis, it has become clear that my experiences were not out of the ordinary.

Another example I know of was a mental health consumer that was in crisis and had cut herself quite badly. She was in a severely manic state and had the police called on her.

When the officer showed up, he immediately began treating her like a criminal instead of a person in crisis, even though she had committed no crime. She told me that he refused to call an ambulance to come take care of the cuts, even though they were quite severe, a handful requiring stitches.

As I spoke with her, I could see the thick scars running up her arm from that day. She said that after calling off the ambulance, the officer handcuffed her behind her back (although she hadn’t committed a crime, nor was she a danger to him or anyone else), which caused the handcuffs to rub on the open wounds on her wrist and arm.

Finally, he yelled at her for getting blood on the seat of his car, even though he was the one who called off the medics and chose to handcuff her behind her back. Although she had not harmed anyone other than herself, she was treated like, and made to feel like a criminal.

At the ER, that officer was also very hostile towards her, and similar to my experience, acted as if the whole situation was a waste of time and he was angry at having to wait in the ER while she met with a mental health screener.

In the end, she was involuntarily committed to Osawatomie State Hospital, which was an ordeal in and of itself, but the experience with the police left a bad taste in her mouth. She has always been afraid of filing a complaint about how her situation was handled, and is terrified about ever having to deal with the police again.

I understand that the police have to go into every situation looking out for their own safety.

But, as my roommate points out, part of officer safety is being able to “read” a situation. Going into a situation with guns blazing when it may not be called for (e.g. when dealing with a depressed, but unarmed person that poses no danger to others) could escalate things to the point where things get out of hand due to the actions of the police themselves.

I also understand that people in crisis can be very unpredictable. But the police shouldn’t treat all mentally ill people as violent or dangerous criminals. Many mentally ill people are not violent, and in fact, are more likely to victims of violent crimes themselves. As Pete Early states in his book Crazy: A Father’s Journey Through the, it is not a crime to be mentally ill.

I have sat in on CIT summits which included the Lawrence Police Department, Sheriff’s Department, KU Public Safety Office, and various other agencies (such as the prosecutor’s office, Headquarters Counseling Center, Bert Nash Mental Health Center among many others) about getting CIT training for local law enforcement.

At the time of the summits, every agency except the Lawrence Police Department has shown interest in receiving CIT training (or in the case of non-Law Enforcement agencies, they have shown interest in our local Law Enforcement agencies receiving CIT training).

Former Police Chief Ron Olin stated that he didn’t believe the Lawrence Police Department needed any extra mental health training, and that they didn’t have the money to get any officers CIT trained.

I find this a weak excuse, seeing as how, according to Officer Kyle Shipps of the Prairie Village Police Department (he was integral in starting CIT in Kansas), CIT training is available for only $50/officer. In addition, a large number of officers aren’t needed to participate in the training, since only a few would be needed on each shift.

Lawrence recently announced that they are promoting an officer to a detective who will focus mainly on domestic violence cases. If we can have an officer that specializes in domestic violence, why can’t we have a few officers that double as CIT officers?

I’m guessing it’s because mental health is not a primary concern. And if the ongoing massive budget cuts to Community Mental Health centers like Bert Nash don’t prove my point that mental health isn’t a concern, I don’t know what will. But, if the mental health centers lose even more of their money, I expect that there will be more crisis calls that the police will be involved in, which would increase the need for CIT training.

We all know there’s a large homeless population in Lawrence. While the topic of the homeless population tends to bring out a lot of animosity around town, it’s very important to mention this group.

Many of the homeless are mentally ill. For many of them, their mental illness is a main reason they’re homeless. They may be unmedicated and unable to hold down a job. Add to this a substance abuse problem, and it’s unsurprising that the police have such frequent contact with the homeless in Lawrence.

CIT training could help some of these people get the things that they need to get their mental health back on track by diverting them from jail and into treatment and work towards finding them housing, whether it is independent or in a more supportive environment, such as a group home or halfway house.

Because of budget cuts, Bert Nash had to close their halfway house for mentally ill homeless clients, so I think that it is even more important that we teach the police how to work with them when they are in crisis so that they don’t fall into the revolving door of the jail system, as so many frequently do.

It’s also important to point out another argument for CIT training: Lawrence has a special population to take note of – college students. For many mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia, the typical onset age is the late teens. Add in the extra stress from school and (more than likely) some drinking, and you have a recipe for a mental health crisis.

For this reason, I think it is vital that along with the LPD, that the KU Public Safety Office has CIT trained officers. Fortunately, KU Public Safety has shown some interest in receiving CIT training.

~~~~~

I just pray that Sam Cochran is wrong, and that it won’t take another death or serious injury of an officer or a mentally ill individual for Lawrence Police officials to understand how important it is to have CIT-trained officers. The cost is minimal and the benefits are great, so we should all be asking our City leader what good reason is there to not get CIT-trained officers?

~~~~~

Some facts about CIT training:

• Currently, there are more than 600 communities nationwide with CIT, including five Kansas counties: Reno, Lyon, Johnson, Shawnee and Sedgwick counties.
  
• The only cost associated with CIT training is the training itself. The Shawnee Police Department will provide the training for only $50/officer.

Benefits of CIT training:

• Decreased the use of lethal force involving mentally ill consumers by 33%
  
• Decreased officer injuries when responding to crisis calls from 1 in 400 to 1 in 2333.
  
• Creased SWAT call-outs for mentally ill persons by 58%
  
• Increased professionalism – 95% of crisis calls received a specialized response (such as a CIT officer).
  
• Decrease in time spent in Emergency Rooms and amount of paperwork done.
  
• More cohesion between law enforcement, mental health consumers and mental health agencies.
  

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The Recovery and Hope Network (RAHN) is a small yet wildly successful local nonprofit serving people with severe and persistent mental illness in Douglas County. Written by members and staff of RAHN (it’s pronounced “rain”), the purpose of this blog – Flying Over The Cuckoo’s Nest – is to educate people about mental illness and the possibility of recovery, to reduce fear and stigma, and to reach out to those in need and their families and friends, neighbors and coworkers.

1009 New Hampshire, Suites C & D
Lawrence, KS 66044

Tel: 785-856-1222
Email: info@recoveryandhope.org
Website: http://recoveryandhope.org
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Recovery-and-Hope-Network-RAHN/114529948569741
Blog:: http://www2.ljworld.com/weblogs/flying-over-the-cuckoos-nest/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Walking away from my car toward the RAHN holiday party, I tried to be optimistic about the situation into which I was about to willingly inject myself. As someone who had a rather cushy, sheltered upbringing, my experience with homelessness and mental disabilities would hardly be enough to impress anyone reading my life’s resume. We all have a tendency to fear the unknown from time to time, and the thought of spending the evening with a bunch of strangers who were probably more dissimilar than similar to me was a definite unknown right then.

As I walked into the building, I was greeted with a hug from a consumer I’d met briefly just days before, and relaxed a little as I talked with other consumers I’d had yet to meet. The party continued as a hot meal was served and small gifts were given. I’m not really sure what my expectations for the evening were, but I don’t think I was expecting to genuinely enjoy myself while connecting with so-called “crazies” on a deeper level.

Due to my ever-present curiosity and interest in people (or what may be called nosiness by some), I kept finding myself wanting to know what mental illness or misfortune had brought each one of my new friends to RAHN. Then it occurred to me: did it really matter? As long as we’re all humans, why should our different backgrounds or states-of-being get in the way of our ability to laugh or cry with one another?

Maybe I’m slow to come to this realization, but reducing people to the state of their living situation or mental health does nothing but hurt all parties involved. Those who cast judgment by labeling others not only miss out on the opportunity to make a new friend, but also further limit their view of the world and all those it holds. Those who are labeled may miss out on the things that most people probably take for granted, like love, acceptance and the right to be given a fair chance in society. Funny how love is blind and ignorance is blinding.

I was one of the last ones to leave the celebration. Later, some people would praise me for giving up an evening to go hang out with the town crazies, as if I were doing some sort of volunteer or charity work. But in many respects, I was just at another party with any other group of people—nothing outlandish or irregular about it. Hours after I first arrived, I was greeted by a chilly darkness as I opened the door of Suite D at 1009 New Hampshire St. to walk back to my car. Coatless, I hugged myself and stepped out into the night, grateful for the unknown.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Recovery and Hope Network (RAHN) is a small yet wildly successful local nonprofit serving people with severe and persistent mental illness in Douglas County. Written by members and staff of RAHN (it’s pronounced “rain”), the purpose of this blog – Flying Over The Cuckoo’s Nest – is to educate people about mental illness and the possibility of recovery, to reduce fear and stigma, and to reach out to those in need and their families and friends, neighbors and coworkers.

1009 New Hampshire, Suites C & D
Lawrence, KS 66044

Tel: 785-856-1222
Email: info@recoveryandhope.org
Website: http://recoveryandhope.org
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Recovery-and-Hope-Network-RAHN/114529948569741
Blog:: http://www2.ljworld.com/weblogs/flying-over-the-cuckoos-nest/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi! I'm Andy, and I'd like to tell you a little bit about RAHN.

RAHN is a place where, if you have a mental illness, you can go to get social support from people working on recovery from the same problems you have. They have small peer-to-peer support groups as well as monthly events where you can go places and do things you otherwise might not get to do.

I like to come here after work and relax, watch a little TV, and just unwind because RAHN helps me to relieve my daily stresses.

Sometimes I really struggle with my mental illness and addiction, and getting back to RAHN helps me regroup. After my most recent relapse, RAHN was the first place I could think of to go to...the one place where I know I'm safe.

S, if you're looking for a place to go to play some cards, maybe a board game, or just find someone to talk to who knows what you're going through and doesn't judge you, then RAHN is the place to be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Recovery and Hope Network (RAHN) is a small yet wildly successful local nonprofit serving people with severe and persistent mental illness in Douglas County. Written by members and staff of RAHN (it’s pronounced “rain”), the purpose of this blog – Flying Over The Cuckoo’s Nest – is to educate people about mental illness and the possibility of recovery, to reduce fear and stigma, and to reach out to those in need and their families and friends, neighbors and coworkers.

1009 New Hampshire, Suites C & D
Lawrence, KS 66044

Tel: 785-856-1222
Email: info@recoveryandhope.org
Website: http://recoveryandhope.org
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Recovery-and-Hope-Network-RAHN/114529948569741
Blog:: http://www2.ljworld.com/weblogs/flying-over-the-cuckoos-nest/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Written by a current RAHN consumer)

To give you a quick introduction, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder type I (the more severe form) when I was sixteen. Although I have the diagnosis of bipolar, I have always had severe depression. Although I was not officially diagnosed until I was sixteen, I have been on psychiatric medication since I was fourteen.

I have tried every type of drug: antidepressants, anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, benzodiazepines…you name it, I’ve probably taken it. I’ve also done multiple types of “talk” therapy (mainly CBT and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), but I felt nothing was working.

In June of 2008, I ended up in the hospital from toxicity from one of my psychiatric medications. While there, they diagnosed me with a heart condition and took me off all but two medications. Because of this heart condition, there are about three psychiatric medications that I can safely take. Being taken off the medications triggered my depression.

By last December, I had reached the end of the line. I was constantly depressed and almost all aspects of my life were suffering. I was having a lot of trouble in school, I didn’t want to be around my family or friends, I had lost all pleasure in my hobbies and it took nearly all of my energy just to get out of bed in the mornings, let alone go through the daily routines of my life.

My depression became so unbearable that I felt one of the only options I had left was suicide. It was at that point a friend came to me and suggested I look into ECT (electroconvulsive therapy, also known as “shock therapy”).

At first, I balked. My first thought was something from “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”. I thought that the only people who got shock therapy were really sick: delusional, psychotic, talking to walls and seeing things that weren’t there. I was not one of those people.

I never saw myself as receiving ECT, but I was at the absolute end of the line and had no other options left. Six years of traditional talk therapy and medication therapy weren’t working and I was absolutely miserable. The way I saw it, I had two options: suicide or ECT.

I began looking into ECT. I did a lot of research on my own before approaching the idea with my psychiatrist. After talking with her, she referred me to a local hospital that performs ECT.

I was put on a schedule for ECT which is fairly common: the first month I went three times a week and then tapered down to only once a month (this took place over the span of about eight months).

I met with the doctor who would perform the actual procedure and learned what it would entail. An IV is inserted so that they can administer the various medications used. He explained they would sedate me with a general anesthetic, give me a medication to temporarily paralyze me, caffeine would be given to intensify the seizure, I would be given oxygen through an oxygen mask, and then the actual procedure would take place.

An electrode is placed on either one (unilateral) or both (bilateral) temples. A bite guard is placed in the mouth to keep from the tongue or teeth being injured.

At that point, a small current of electricity is passed through the electrodes, and a 30 to 60 second seizure is induced.

(If you watch a person being given ECT, you may sometimes notice their hand or foot twitch, but this is generally the only way you can tell they are having a seizure.)

They also warned me that I would probably encounter headaches, nausea and some short-term memory loss.

My experiences with ECT were overall very positive. Within three to four treatments I felt as though my life had done a 180-degree turn. I was able to function in my life again. I felt happy, and I began to come out of the darkness of depression and into the light of life.

Although I feel like my overall experience with ECT was very effective, there were short-term side effects. The days that I had my sessions, I felt like I had been hit by a train; my head hurt, I was nauseous and I felt like I had the flu.

And although it has been nearly a year since I began ECT, I still struggle with some short-term memory loss. I find that I have to make lists to help me remember small things ranging from homework to shopping lists. I have trouble remembering names and phone numbers, but in the end, I feel that the side effects were more than worth the positive outcomes I’ve experienced.

Given the choice, ECT was thoroughly worth it. Short-term memory loss and a headache is nothing compared to ending your life. Feeling nauseous for a day is nothing compared to the physical pain and nausea I felt on a daily basis at the worst of my depression.

ECT is not for “crazy” people. It is not the barbaric procedure it used to be in the past. It has helped a tremendous number of people turn their lives around and beat their depression. It may not have cured my depression, but I feel like it boosted me enough to where I was able to really get down to treating my depression. If it weren’t for the ECT, I might not be here to share my experiences.

I truly believe ECT saved my life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Recovery and Hope Network (RAHN) is a small yet wildly successful local nonprofit serving people with severe and persistent mental illness in Douglas County. Written by members and staff of RAHN (it’s pronounced “rain”), the purpose of this blog – Flying Over The Cuckoo’s Nest – is to educate people about mental illness and the possibility of recovery, to reduce fear and stigma, and to reach out to those in need and their families and friends, neighbors and coworkers.

1009 New Hampshire, Suites C & D
Lawrence, KS 66044

Tel: 785-856-1222
Email: info@recoveryandhope.org
Website: http://recoveryandhope.org
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Recovery-and-Hope-Network-RAHN/114529948569741
Blog:: http://www2.ljworld.com/weblogs/flying-over-the-cuckoos-nest/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For those of you planning to vote...and for those of you looking for a good reason to vote...we at RAHN strongly encourage you to Vote YES on Number 2 on election day!!

In other words, we urge you to vote yes to the amendment to the Kansas Constitution that removes the ability of the legislature to prevent people with mental illness from voting.

Now, some of you might think "But I don't want crazy people voting!"

Of course, whether you knew it or not, "crazy people" already vote. In every single election. (And I'm not just talking about people who disagree with you :-)

That's because people with mental illness are everyday people — they pay taxes, work jobs, and raise families.

These people can be your friends, your family, your coworkers and neighbors. Your pastor, your hairdresser, your mechanic, your boss. They could agree with your own choice of candidates...or not.

But, the truth is that 1 in 4 Americans has a mental illness at some point in their lifetime, so you know darned well that "crazy people" already vote.

And those "crazy people" that most people think of when they think of mental illness? They aren't gonna be voting anyway.

So ask yourself this. Do you really want the Kansas Legislature to be able to take away the vote from people who live with depression? After all, Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill both struggled with major depression. As do people like Harrison Ford, Jim Carrey, Hugh Laurie, and millions of others.

Or how about severe anxiety? That would include people like Nicole Kidman and Howey Mandel and Nicholas Cage. Or maybe bipolar disorder? That would include Jean-Claude Van Damme, Ben Stiller, and Mel Gibson.

And do you REALLY want to be able to take the vote away from our heroes returning from Iraq and Afghanistan?? The almost 1 in 5 who currently suffer from PTSD?

Didn't think so.

So VOTE EARLY! VOTE OFTEN! And vote YES!! on Number 2.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Recovery and Hope Network (RAHN) is a small yet wildly successful local nonprofit serving people with severe and persistent mental illness in Douglas County. Written by members and staff of RAHN (it’s pronounced “rain”), the purpose of this blog – Flying Over The Cuckoo’s Nest – is to educate people about mental illness and the possibility of recovery, to reduce fear and stigma, and to reach out to those in need and their families and friends, neighbors and coworkers.

1009 New Hampshire, Suites C & D
Lawrence, KS 66044

Tel: 785-856-1222
Email: info@recoveryandhope.org
Website: http://recoveryandhope.org
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Recovery-and-Hope-Network-RAHN/114529948569741
Blog:: http://www2.ljworld.com/weblogs/flying-over-the-cuckoos-nest/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was a kid growing up in Lawrence, there was a little man who I would see downtown sitting in a little cart that he used to get around. He sold pencils. I think he might have been blind. I’m pretty sure he was physically disabled. His problems didn’t end there. There will be many readers of this blog who could tell you his name. Centron, a local film company did a documentary about him, which I believe won some awards. I have never seen it.

Many people, when they see someone “less fortunate”, stop and stare. I looked away. It was just too painful. Perhaps it was due to embarrassment or fear or even empathy, but I couldn’t look.

As the years passed, I continued to look away. When I saw someone missing a limb or unable to control their muscles or even acting erratically, I had to look away. I just couldn’t deal with those “less fortunate”.

When my little sister was diagnosed with brain cancer, my parents did their best to insulate me from the trauma of her illness, treatment, and eventual death. They could only do so much. When I was told that she had passed away, I guess you might say that I couldn’t look; my first reaction was outright denial. For a few months, I kept seeing toddlers who I thought were her, and I had the odd notion that I could keep her inside me. She was never spoken of in our household for the next 15 years.

Later, I found that I could ignore my excessive drinking, problems in my marriage, problems at work, and overdue bills…even my emotions and other uncomfortable truths. It actually seemed like a good idea at the time, since I saw my worst problems as anxiety and insomnia. And so it came to pass that I became one of the “less fortunate”. I lost several jobs in succession and exhausted my savings, my wife left me and took the children, my drinking got worse, my anxiety and insomnia became overwhelming, and it was getting hard to look away.

I remained in a cycle of depression, intoxication and misery for a long time. I felt that alcohol and prescription tranquilizers were all that kept me from permanent institutionalization. I really tried to pull out of my tailspin, but things just got worse and worse.

My ex-wife had a saying: “If you push your fears out of the light, you’ll be afraid of the dark”. She was so right. I would sometimes make a little progress, quit drinking for a while, get a job, go into therapy, find a little hope, but I was always trying to push my problems away so they would not overwhelm me. And, always, sooner or later, they would overwhelm me and the descent would continue. Fear of fear became my constant companion.

I would like to say that one day the light came on and I knew what I needed to do, but in truth it was a long and tortuous process which took me through repeated treatment centers, homelessness, and even a brief incarceration. I learned what it felt like when everyone turned away in pity or disgust.

I think the turning point must have been when I became aware that others had been here before me and found a way out. That was out was not “away” or “around”, but “through”. I had the enormous good fortune to come under the care of people who could teach me the skills I was lacking, who could provide stability, structure and reassurance, who could address my addiction and mental illness together, who directed me to medications which didn’t just hide my symptoms but eased my way through them.

Winston Churchill said “If you’re going through Hell, keep going”. He suffered deep, unrelenting depression, but somehow managed to give hope and courage to an Empire.

My experience has been that all you need to do to recover is everything you don’t want to do. I had to accept some painful truths. I had to clean my apartment. I had to be grateful for what I had. I had to go out in public no matter how panicky it made me. When I felt terror or profound embarrassment, I had to remember that I was still responsible to take those actions which were appropriate. I wasn’t allowed to wait until something was comfortable or easy. I had to take the actions first and later the feelings would change. The world had no obligation to change to suit me; I had to change myself.

I am a long way from perfection, but today I am teachable. If, through some miracle three years ago, I’d been given all I wanted, I would have sold myself short. I know now that I never need to sink as low as I have been and when I see someone “less fortunate”, I don’t have to look away. Now I can help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Recovery and Hope Network (RAHN) is a small yet wildly successful local nonprofit serving people with severe and persistent mental illness in Douglas County. Written by members and staff of RAHN (it’s pronounced “rain”), the purpose of this blog – Flying Over The Cuckoo’s Nest – is to educate people about mental illness and the possibility of recovery, to reduce fear and stigma, and to reach out to those in need and their families and friends, neighbors and coworkers.

1009 New Hampshire, Suites C & D
Lawrence, KS 66044

Tel: 785-856-1222
Email: info@recoveryandhope.org
Website: http://recoveryandhope.org
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Recovery-and-Hope-Network-RAHN/114529948569741
Blog:: http://www2.ljworld.com/weblogs/flying-over-the-cuckoos-nest/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was a kid growing up in Lawrence, there was a little man who I would see downtown sitting in a little cart that he used to get around. He sold pencils. I think he might have been blind. I’m pretty sure he was physically disabled. His problems didn’t end there. There will be many readers of this blog who could tell you his name. Centron, a local film company did a documentary about him, which I believe won some awards. I have never seen it.

Many people, when they see someone “less fortunate”, stop and stare. I looked away. It was just too painful. Perhaps it was due to embarrassment or fear or even empathy, but I couldn’t look.

As the years passed, I continued to look away. When I saw someone missing a limb or unable to control their muscles or even acting erratically, I had to look away. I just couldn’t deal with those “less fortunate”.

When my little sister was diagnosed with brain cancer, my parents did their best to insulate me from the trauma of her illness, treatment, and eventual death. They could only do so much. When I was told that she had passed away, I guess you might say that I couldn’t look; my first reaction was outright denial. For a few months, I kept seeing toddlers who I thought were her, and I had the odd notion that I could keep her inside me. She was never spoken of in our household for the next 15 years.

Later, I found that I could ignore my excessive drinking, problems in my marriage, problems at work, and overdue bills…even my emotions and other uncomfortable truths. It actually seemed like a good idea at the time, since I saw my worst problems as anxiety and insomnia. And so it came to pass that I became one of the “less fortunate”. I lost several jobs in succession and exhausted my savings, my wife left me and took the children, my drinking got worse, my anxiety and insomnia became overwhelming, and it was getting hard to look away.

I remained in a cycle of depression, intoxication and misery for a long time. I felt that alcohol and prescription tranquilizers were all that kept me from permanent institutionalization. I really tried to pull out of my tailspin, but things just got worse and worse.

My ex-wife had a saying: “If you push your fears out of the light, you’ll be afraid of the dark”. She was so right. I would sometimes make a little progress, quit drinking for a while, get a job, go into therapy, find a little hope, but I was always trying to push my problems away so they would not overwhelm me. And, always, sooner or later, they would overwhelm me and the descent would continue. Fear of fear became my constant companion.

I would like to say that one day the light came on and I knew what I needed to do, but in truth it was a long and tortuous process which took me through repeated treatment centers, homelessness, and even a brief incarceration. I learned what it felt like when everyone turned away in pity or disgust.

I think the turning point must have been when I became aware that others had been here before me and found a way out. That was out was not “away” or “around”, but “through”. I had the enormous good fortune to come under the care of people who could teach me the skills I was lacking, who could provide stability, structure and reassurance, who could address my addiction and mental illness together, who directed me to medications which didn’t just hide my symptoms but eased my way through them.

Winston Churchill said “If you’re going through Hell, keep going”. He suffered deep, unrelenting depression, but somehow managed to give hope and courage to an Empire.

My experience has been that all you need to do to recover is everything you don’t want to do. I had to accept some painful truths. I had to clean my apartment. I had to be grateful for what I had. I had to go out in public no matter how panicky it made me. When I felt terror or profound embarrassment, I had to remember that I was still responsible to take those actions which were appropriate. I wasn’t allowed to wait until something was comfortable or easy. I had to take the actions first and later the feelings would change. The world had no obligation to change to suit me; I had to change myself.

I am a long way from perfection, but today I am teachable. If, through some miracle three years ago, I’d been given all I wanted, I would have sold myself short. I know now that I never need to sink as low as I have been and when I see someone “less fortunate”, I don’t have to look away. Now I can help.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Recovery and Hope Network (RAHN) is a small yet wildly successful local nonprofit serving people with severe and persistent mental illness in Douglas County. Written by members and staff of RAHN (it’s pronounced “rain”), the purpose of this blog – Flying Over The Cuckoo’s Nest – is to educate people about mental illness and the possibility of recovery, to reduce fear and stigma, and to reach out to those in need and their families and friends, neighbors and coworkers.

1009 New Hampshire, Suites C & D
Lawrence, KS 66044

Tel: 785-856-1222
Email: info@recoveryandhope.org
Website: http://recoveryandhope.org
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Recovery-and-Hope-Network-RAHN/114529948569741
Blog:: http://www2.ljworld.com/weblogs/flying-over-the-cuckoos-nest/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From the time I was a very little kid, I felt that I was different from other kids my age. Maybe it was the way that I could never sit still in class, or the way that I seemed to feel emotions much more intensely than everyone else.

When I was fourteen, all of that began to make sense after I was diagnosed with severe major depression (later changed to Bipolar I and ADHD).

When my diagnosis was changed to bipolar, I noticed a shift in people’s reactions about how I should handle my adult life.

I was sixteen when my diagnosis was changed, right when I was beginning to research colleges and prepare myself for being a functioning member of society. I remember being absolutely devastated upon learning that my doctors were changing my diagnosis.

Although there are few differences between major depression and Bipolar I (at least in my case), bipolar disorder seemed so much more severe, and it seemed like there was so much stigma attached to it.

I tried my hardest to keep my diagnosis pretty private, only sharing it with my close circle of friends.

Not surprisingly, it didn’t stay quiet for long. Indeed, at the end of my senior year, thanks to two girls that I thought were my best friends, the entire school found out not only about my diagnosis, but also the intimate details of my treatment.

Also not surprisingly, I thought there were very few kids in my high school that understood what I was going through. I’ve later learned that there were a lot of kids at my high school struggling with depression, suicidality or other forms of mental illness, but at the time, I felt completely alone in my struggles.

Upon my change in diagnosis, I even had people tell me that I shouldn’t even bother trying to go to college, because I’d never make it through due to my bipolar disorder. I was told to get a menial job, get on food stamps and section 8, and be willing to settle for that, because my life would never be better than that, thanks to bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder was a virtual death sentence in their minds.

Needless to say, I couldn’t wait to get out of high school and get into college where no one would know me or my diagnosis.

Fortunately I have the attitude that, if you tell me I can’t do something, I’m going to do it, just to show you that you’re wrong. Thankfully, I also have an amazing support system in my family, and I also had an exceptional high school guidance counselor, and they all cheered me on in my quest to go to college and show the naysayers that they were wrong.

I started at KU in the fall of 2006, bright-eyed and ready to learn. I was happy, healthy and was not going to let my bipolar disorder affect my college experience. Outside of taking medication, I felt no different than any of my peers. I was a little fish in a big pond, where no one knew about me or my diagnosis. I put a lot of effort into making sure that no one knew about it, not my peers or my professors.

About three months into my first semester, my life changed completely. Within the span of two months, I had two close family members die, and their deaths impacted me tremendously. My depression came back full force, hitting me worse than it ever had in my entire life. I was barely able to cope with their deaths, let alone keep up with school.

I made the tough decision to drop out of KU for the semester. I also decided to switch to a smaller, private college for the spring semester, thinking that might help, but it didn’t change any of my problems; instead I was still suffering, only I was much farther away from my support system.

I dropped out of that school and took the rest of the year off to focus on getting better. I was reaccepted to KU that spring, and started back in the fall of 2007. This time around, I sought all the academic help that I could find and I made sure to tell my various advisors about my diagnoses. I became willing to visit my professors and GTAs during their office hours to talk to them about my diagnoses.

Between the ADHD and bipolar disorder, my diagnoses have effected my post-secondary education in ways I never could have seen coming, and at times, I have wondered if those naysayers were right, if I was making a costly mistake in attending college.

Without the structure that I had in high school, I struggled a lot more until my ADHD was diagnosed during my first semester at KU. I had trouble paying attention in class, and had a lot of trouble finishing homework.

My bipolar disorder turned out to be an even bigger foe than I had prepared for. It has been a struggle to find the right combination of medication ever since I was first put on medication.

After being diagnosed with a heart condition in 2008, this became even more difficult, due to my limited psychopharmacological options. I’m now on a good combination of medication for the first time in my life, but during the trial-and-error times, my education almost had to be put on hold.

I’ve been on medications that made me so drowsy that it was hard for me to get out of bed, let alone stay awake during class. Compound that with the exhaustion that accompanied my depression, and it became overwhelming for me to get to class, pay attention, and go home and do homework.

I’ve been on medications that have made me manic, and I’ve been on medication that caused hand tremors so bad that I had to have a note-taker during class because I couldn’t write out my own notes.

I’ve even had to drop or withdraw from classes because of how much the medications impacted my ability to function in class.

But my second time around at KU, I got in touch with Disability Resources, who have helped me come up with academic plans for each of my classes, along with a list of accommodations (mainly centered around the ADHD).

With their help, I have improved my grades by leaps and bounds. (Needless to say, during some of those trial-and-error periods, my grades suffered considerably.)

I had quickly learned that in college, your professors aren’t paid to care; if they do, you’re lucky. But in my case, I’ve been blessed in the fact that most of my professors have been tremendously understanding and willing to work with me, but I also know that’s not a given.

I also have two amazing resources (in particular) at KU who have done a lot to help me navigate my way through school: my Supportive Educational Services advisor, and my advisor through Disability Resources. They have helped me in every way possible, even if it’s something as small as letting me vent to them about a particularly unhelpful professor. They have helped me to find academic resources I never would have known about, and have helped me advocate for myself so that I can get the most out of my education. I think that if I didn’t have them on my side, my college experience would be very different, not to mention a lot harder.

I am proud to say that, today, I am proving those naysayers wrong. Although my diagnoses have had a considerable impact on my life, I don’t regret anything. It might take me five years to graduate instead of four, but I’ve learned that I have to pace myself, and not get overloaded with classes. This can be very frustrating at times, but I know that if I rush myself, I’ll do poorly.

I’ve also learned that I have to reach out to my professors and I’ve had to learn to advocate for myself. I have to let my professors know about my diagnoses, have to let them know about my medication and the potential impact the side effects can have on my ability to learn and pay attention in class.

I haven’t gotten where I am today all by myself, and I owe a big thanks to a few people: first off, my family for their unconditional support, both emotional and financial. They have always been on my side, rooting for me, and have always believed in me.

I also want to thank my advisors at KU, because without them, I don’t think I’d be doing as well as I am today, and they have helped push me to keep going, even when I felt like giving up. I also want to thank my friends (both old and new) for sticking with me during some of the darkest hours of my life. They have been there to make flashcards with me at 2 in the morning, been a shoulder to cry on, and have never let me forget where I’ve come from, where I’m going, and have had faith in me even when I didn’t have it in myself.

I am currently working towards a bachelor’s degree in Social Welfare, with a minor in applied behavioral sciences and am preparing to apply to the School of Social Work this fall. I hope to work in the mental health field, possibly going into juvenile justice.

I hope that, one day, I can use my experiences to help others going through some of the things I’ve gone through.

I’m also a member of the KU Marching Band, something that even a year ago I never would have seen myself being able to do. College has been almost unbearably difficult at times, but I am doing so much better than ever, and I am proud of myself.

In the face of my struggles, I have come out victorious. I hope that other young people can realize that it is possible to get through college, even in spite of having an SPMI (severe and persistent mental illness) diagnosis. It’s only impossible if you believe that it’s impossible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Recovery and Hope Network (RAHN) is a small yet wildly successful local nonprofit serving people with severe and persistent mental illness in Douglas County. Written by members and staff of RAHN (it’s pronounced “rain”), the purpose of this blog – Flying Over The Cuckoo’s Nest – is to educate people about mental illness and the possibility of recovery, to reduce fear and stigma, and to reach out to those in need and their families and friends, neighbors and coworkers.

1009 New Hampshire, Suites C & D
Lawrence, KS 66044

Tel: 785-856-1222
Email: info@recoveryandhope.org
Website: http://recoveryandhope.org
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Recovery-and-Hope-Network-RAHN/114529948569741
Blog:: http://www2.ljworld.com/weblogs/flying-over-the-cuckoos-nest/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Years ago, when I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), I felt that a judgment had been put on my head, a label had been set and therefore that was who I was. A person with DID that had to be fixed.

I forgot about all of my other talents and became another person who needed the establishment to help me.

I went through many hospitalizations, most of which were almost as traumatic as the events that caused me to have DID.

In one hospital I was immersed into the discovery of memories, but given little to help me deal with them. I walked away feeling spent and unable to see up from down.

In State-run hospitals I was pretty much left up to my own demise. I was given medications that did or didn’t help and was treated like an inmate at a prison. The conditions of the hospital were not conducive to getting better, but to acting out to get attention.

There has always been a measure of hand-holding that individuals who have Severe and Persistent Mental Illness (SPMI) have gotten use to.

For example, when we were hospitalized, we were given instructions by our caregivers how and when to sleep, what medications we would take and basically how our lives would be lived.

Fortunately, we have come a long way from this station in life. We as CRO members, like those of us at RAHN, and individuals with disabilities everywhere have the right to determine our own destinations and make our own definitions.

However, this means we must get away from the mindset that, because we have a diagnosis, we are sheep to be corralled. It is important that we take on the responsibilities of our individuality…which has been taken from us for decades.

So, even if we are to be a self-defined group of people…for example, all of us at RAHN who are working together on our recovery…we must truly be able to define who we are and how that will look. Not how some other organization or agency or group wants to define us and how we should look.

If we are to continuously be defined as SPMI and not as people, where will we be ten years from now? Still accepting the definitions of ourselves that have always been pushed upon us? I’m bi-polar, you’re borderline personality, and so forth?

We must not let our illness define us. We are people with individual skills and talents. We are people who function and go through life just as everyone else does. Our mental illness is but a part of who we are, just as diabetes is a part of some people.

Knowing this, we must not give in to the conventional ideas of our caregivers. We need to travel out on our own and create the definitions of ourselves as we see fit.

I am no longer DID. I am a human being, getting through life just as everyone else. I am learning skills to keep me out of hospitals and thriving in my family life. I am wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, writer, artist, caregiver…and I carry on in life as these things which I chose to be with dignity.

Life does not have to be defined by our mental illness and, in fact, should not be defined by anything but who we want to be.