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How Thin Is It?


Yassir, I like to read the JW. Been doin' it since I was a kid. I used to be an alternate carrier, too, for a buddy o' mine who needed some time off during basketball season. Big two-pouch carrying bag balance precariously on each side of my bicycle. There were only forty or fifty homes on the route, but that bag was plenty heavy.

And, now, it been...well, a number of years later. (okay, if you must know, Dick Harp was coaching hoops, LBJ was the Prez & I was in junior high). If I peddled that same route today, not only would it look ridiculous, it wouldn't require a heavy ol' bag getting caught in my spokes and dumping me on my keester. I could carry forty or fifty copies of the 2010 version under one arm. If it turned windy, I could slide 'em in a pizza box.

Yup, the ol' JW has gotten mighty thin over the years.

How thin is it, you ask?

The JW is sooo thin that...

1)...my birdcage is lined with a year's subscription.

2)...ad space is sold by the column-millimeter

3)...the sports section publishes all of the winning scores - not the loser's, just the winner's.

4)...the lead story is continued on the same page

5)...they call it the 'Opinion' page because 'Editorials' has too many syllables.

6)...my dog won't fetch it unless I call her 'Asta.' (classic film reference, there, Myrna)

7)...it makes the size of the UDK look like a doctoral thesis.

8)...Sgt. Snorkel and Hagar have to be on opposite ends of the comics page to weigh everything down evenly.

9)...my carrier just folds it into an airplane and floats it through the keyhole.

10)...it's now the 'after' picture in the Jenny Craig ads

11)...nowadays, when management says 'gimme the skinny' they're talking to the pressroom and not the editors.

Oh, there's another reason that came to mind but I forgot to write it down. I'll think on it and get back to you.

It'll be all right.


RoeDapple 8 years, 3 months ago

Now be nice!

(We call it the "Tissue Issue")

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