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Heartaches

In the past week I have lost two comforts of my life: my job and my boyfriend. In both situations I was told that it was nothing I did wrong. The principal at my school explained to me that they were reorganizing the staff and that there wouldn’t be a position open for me. My boyfriend told me that I didn’t do anything wrong, he just didn’t feel the things a boyfriend should. But as each began to explain how I was no longer needed in their lives I couldn’t help but wonder: If I had done better could I have saved my job/boyfriend?

I began wondering if that one time in January when I took a 35 minute lunch instead of a 30 minute lunch hadn’t been as sly as I had thought. I began to wish that I had never gotten mad at my boyfriend when he teased me or didn’t call back right away. I began to wish I had appreciated my job a little more and told my boyfriend how lucky I felt to be with him every second I had the chance. I kept hoping for a second chance, from either of them.

Tomorrow is the last day of school. My ex-boyfriend won’t even speak to me. The second chance I desire is not going to happen. Deep down in my heart I know this. But then one of my kids will present me with the cutest drawing of a lion and the hurt of knowing that I won’t get to see her succeed next year will be almost too much too handle. Or I’ll find my ex-boyfriends sweatshirt in my car and fight back tears as I realize he’ll never again ask me if I’m cold.

I hate change. I’ve never been one to look forward to new things because to be honest, I scare easily. My principal told me he’d make phone calls to other principals to help me find a new job. And my friends keep telling me that my ex-boyfriend really cared about me and someday maybe we can meet again, catch up on life and become friendly. I take comfort in these thoughts. I also take comfort in the knowledge that with time things get easier. I know this and I know that there will be other boys, other jobs and other kids who need my help. This will get me through the day…

Until Ryan tells me a joke at lunch and I’ll laugh so hard that I’ll want to tell a certain boy.

By Kathleen Ingraham

May 21, 2008

Commonplace

From the Citizen Journalism Academy

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21 May 2008 at 2:05 p.m.

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Logan72 (Alia Ahmed) says…

Kathleen,

I'm sorry you've had a rough couple of days. I'm glad you have friends that can help you through this tough time. You're in my thoughts.
21 May 2008 at 9:53 p.m.

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femail (Linda Hanney) says…

I will be thinking about you tomorrow.
21 May 2008 at 11:40 p.m.

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Multidisciplinary (Anonymous) says…

Good news, is put your info out to every school around. The education grapevine really helps there.

Boyfriends. Many men have the ability to be “truly into” a relationship, stating they are in love, every cell in their bodies are tied up in it, etc. Then amazingly, after they decide to move on, they invalidate their previous feelings, saying, “Turns out I was wrong about how I felt, etc.” “I love this girl now”.

You'll feel better about this when you learn his next girlfriend that he thinks the world of, dumps him. Like the song, “Someday somebody's gonna give you a lesson in leaving…I hope that I'm around, to watch 'em knock you down”

It's understandable that you don't like change. Most of us prefer stability, and many hang onto suffering relationships far too long simply because of the fear of change. Being alone.
The unknown future can be one of the scariest things ever. The only thing scarier is when it's your child that it's happening to, as in illness.

Hopefully you are healthy and able to move on.
You do state well that you know there is more out there.

My advice for the young in these situations is to be more reluctant to surrend so much of yourself to another in a relationship.
Take a long time before you start to think “this could be the real thing”. Listen to any red flag feeling, that what the other is doing/has done isn't right in your book, those flags really mean something!
Save up most of that money you might be spending on a “temporary relationship”, you're gonna need that later when the real thing does happen.
I think that “real thing” feeling may be more likely for young women to live out, than it is for men. Growing older doesn't mean a woman no longer loves easily, I know that from my friends who date..I'm talking 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's. They meet a man, see good things, write more into it than there is, and end up with heartaches too.

Find things to distract yourself. It helps. Here's the “I can has cheezbrgr?” site, keep viewing, eventually you will start laughing out loud.
http://icanhascheezburger.com/page/1/