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Someone asked for a different Question

One time I was riding down a highway in Oklahoma with one of my cousins. We'd been drinking and he didn't drive very well to begin with. So we are cruising along and here comes the State Trooper. He pulls us over and comes up and starts talking to my cousin. The trooper tells him he is going to give him a ticket. My cousin said he didn't need no tick kit cause his dog hadn't even been out in the brush. So the trooper tells him , "no,..the ticket where you go to court and the judge fines you." My cousin told him no judge had to fine him cause he wasn't even lost. He was right here. Well the trooper is getting just a little mad by now and asked my cousin if he had any I.D. My cousin looked up with the dumb look and says, "Bout what?"

Have you ever been horribly embarrassed by a cousin or any other family member? (Is that a better question than bout Christmas shopping?)

By autie

November 12, 2009

autie

Comments

  1. Multidisciplinary (anonymous) says…

    Only cuz Roe but I cant talkabout it.
    / I had to beat him to it didn't I ?

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  2. honeychild (Mel Briscoe) says…

    i have stories about my dad but telling them effectively would require way too much back story. the man has a phd in psychology but is one of the most countrified people you'd ever want to meet... he's, er.... "different", let's just say.

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  3. autie (anonymous) says…

    I'd though my cousin was going to jail that day. But most everybody in that county is related in some way and they just flat don't arrest folks for just being a drunkin dumb smart a**.

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  4. The_Original_Bob (anonymous) says…

    Dumb red clay eating Okies. I feel for you, Autie.

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  5. autie (anonymous) says…

    When he told that trooper that the judge wouldn't have fine him cause he was right there and weren't lost....OMG, I just sort of melted down into the seat and tried to zen myself someplace else.

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  6. The_Original_Bob (anonymous) says…

    Autie - At least it was an Okie officer so he probably was just confused. Pull that in Kansas and you and yer cousin would be sitting in Lansing right now.

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  7. RoeDapple (anonymous) says…

    see whut happins whin i takes a litle mornin knap affer sleeepin so hard al nite cuzin multi beets me too the bess ansers an than wont tauk boutit but i had this uther cuzin one tiem whut she wuz a litle over exposidwhin she wuz drievn too fas an whin she gots out the car he sed mam yuo nede to cuvver yurself so she bended over to git her jakket out the car his eyes gots reel big an he halled her to jale but she wuz onlly goin for a pak of winstons i tel yuo smokin can gets yuo in trubble soonr or latre

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  9. The_Original_Bob (anonymous) says…

    Where all the white women at?

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  10. Multidisciplinary (anonymous) says…

    Just my ex husband. He used to embarrass me to the point I wanted to die regularly.

    He threw a temper tantrum at a friends back party once because the neighbor hadn't lit the charcoal yet and he was getting hungry. I mean an absolute childish temper tantrum, shouting and all. After stomping around and pouting with me trying to shut it down in various ways by trying to get him to go home and grab a bite across the street, but NO, he wouldn't do that.

    He did this, in front of probably 50 people, not only neighbors, but the man's other friends, and business associates as well.
    The neighbor ladies came over a couple of days later to inform me kindly that they had decided to come let me know, that although they loved me and the kids very very much, and we would still see each other, and the kids could come over to play, etc...they would no longer be inviting us to neighborhood events, dinner, bbq's, etc because of my husband's behavior.

    So then of course, the other kids would ask my kids at each event, why aren't you invited to the party?
    How does a little 5 yr old explain her dad is a jerk?
    Actually...she says..My dad's a jerk sometimes.

    hahahah..she wasn't stupid.
    /I didn't say it! She knew.She knew when she was 4, hahahaha.

    Those are some good memories, when your little kid figures out some relative is...who they are.
    ;)

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  11. Multidisciplinary (anonymous) says…

    The_Original_Bob (Anonymous) says…

    Where all the white women at?

    avoiding Captain Harry Longstroke ?

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  12. honeychild (Mel Briscoe) says…

    i thought it was them 'sipps who ate clay/dirt??... never heard that 'bout okies before.

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  13. autie (anonymous) says…

    Oh Mel, you know, Okies. Like when I helped them move one time from Ardmore to Idabelle. We went down and CarriedOkie from one town to another. Least none of them ever robbed the place they worked then knocked themselves out and said somebody robbed me. But my one cousin was sitting in his dumptruck one time talking to the boys at the work site, when his foot slipped off the clutch and the truck jumped real hard and he knocked himself out cold on the rearview mirror.

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  14. The_Original_Bob (anonymous) says…

    "avoiding Captain Harry Longstroke ?"

    Ain't that the truth.

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  15. Irish (Leslie Swearingen) says…

    Could someone post a cuzin/english dictionary with phonetics?
    I tried to write cuzin but I couldn't quite get it down.
    "I'm proud to be an Okie from Muskogee."
    Merle Haggard

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  16. honeychild (Mel Briscoe) says…

    autie, do oakies use horse trailers to move furniture?

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  18. smitty (anonymous) says…

    No, they use the manure spreader.

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  19. Multidisciplinary (anonymous) says…

    @TOB /snort!
    Irish..that's okay, we'll make you and honorary member just as you are. I think growing up in a dirt floor cabin should get you a free ticket for all the cuzin rides, don't you think? I know if I had, I would. ;)
    Oh, hey, my new housekeeper lived in a town until she was six, that the whole town didn't have running water until about 1968? A small town here in Kansas. They had hand pumps outside, but no indoor running water. Outhouses, big metal tubs to pour buckets of heated water in for baths..

    And autie speaking of dump trucks. This wasn't as embarrassing as it might have been as I hadn't met the cuzin, but one of my younger, younger cuzin's...one of them son's of a second cuzin I never done heard of...stole a dump truck several years ago. Drove off with it, got arrested and put in jail for a while.
    Turns out, he stole it from the man he had worked for.
    Who happens to also be another cuzin, older than me.
    Right out of his backyard. Like he wouldn't miss it or nuttin.
    It wasn't just dumb, it was so dumb, none of us could believe it.
    I mean, the man's name was written right on the side of it.
    Everyone in town knew it.
    It wasn't like he was going to blend into the crowd. That dump truck had been known in town for years and years.
    You just can't get any stupider, than to steal a known marked dump truck in Lawrence KS!

    OK, wait..I want a DNA test done on that boy...come to think of it, he was either very drunk, or there's something wrong there. Maybe the distant relatives have diluted the gene pool.

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  20. RoeDapple (anonymous) says…

    irish we treid too rite wun butt cuzinees is reejunal an varys frum plase too plase an evn evolutes daly if yuo noe whut i meen butt we is werkin onit al the tiem so ifun yuo be tryinn yuo probbly gotsit rite

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  21. autie (anonymous) says…


    honeychild (Mel Briscoe) says…

    autie, do oakies use horse trailers to move furniture?

    Uh...?? Yeah. Once you get the couch tied to the top of the escort and the back of the truck is full of pink flamingos and broken lawn chairs and the kids swing set...how else you supposed to move? But I do believe the proper protocol is to use a borrowed trailer, never one of your own. And there is a mandatory beer to mover person ratio that must be followed with a minimum of one twelve pack per mover person..that is male mover persons. Female mover person require much less beer but a certain amount of Baily's Irish Cream or Hot Damn. The standard move from the standard double wide would require at least one ford escort, an old buick (any model), three pickups with one towing the old Chrysler and one towing the horse trailer. Did I miss anything there boys?

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  22. honeychild (Mel Briscoe) says…

    i do think you missed something, autie... the trailer must be made of the bed of an inoperable pickup truck. you know, one of those slice the back half off, weld a hitch to it and call it a trailer jobs?

    (hilarious post, btw! the visuals alone are effing priceless! LOL)

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  23. honeychild (Mel Briscoe) says…

    ..... and lemme git this straight, guys, today we're picking on our neighbors to the south of us, not the neighbors to the east, right? because after that horrific story of incest and abuse that came out in the media yesterday, i was sure someone would start slamming missourians again (and after seeing that story, i started to wonder if what you all said was spot-on about missouri = ozarks = hillbillies).

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  24. Multidisciplinary (anonymous) says…

    Autie, are you Old Gregg?
    http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Old_...

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  25. autie (anonymous) says…

    By no means is this just an Okie thing, Mel. Feel free to jump all over the damn slavers to the east. OK is just easier for me cause I'm only a few miles away from the red dirt nation. Did you know that MacDonald county MO has the highest incidence of methamphetamine use and manufacture in the entire world? I guess thats what they do when they're not renting canoes or plucking chickens.

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  27. honeychild (Mel Briscoe) says…

    "red dirt nation". lol

    you're a laugh-a-minute today, aut! i'm lovin' it (to coin a phrase from the 4-star restaurant).

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  28. Irish (Leslie Swearingen) says…

    Roe, I have no idea what you wrote, but okay.
    Now I think about it, we said ax for ask, and pitcher for picture. I used to be very embarrassed about it. Now I am proud of my heritage.
    Thanks, Mulit, I have forgot my roots. Damn, and I was going to cast a spell.

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  29. RoeDapple (anonymous) says…

    that's okay irish, i cant read it now either

    ;-)

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  30. puddleglum (anonymous) says…

    what do a tornado and an oklahoma divorcee have in common?

    they both go for the trailer

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  31. RETICENT_IRREVERENT (anonymous) says…

    Once, now estranged.

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  32. autie (anonymous) says…

    I'd thunked that my pick n shovel cousin would might showed up today but he just gots caught up in a cave in an maybe he's not all the way dug out yet. But I heard the owner of the mine was gonna lay him out in lugery sometime an make it better all round.

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  33. Irish (Leslie Swearingen) says…

    autie, I grew up about halfway between Noel and Southwest City. I always liked the limestone bluffs along the river as you went to Noel. Can't remember the name of the river.
    Everything was up or down a hill.
    And, where did I go to college?

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  34. autie (anonymous) says…

    that would be the Little Sugar and the Big Sugar. They come together, I think, to make the Elk River. Down in there around Pineville and Noel. Missouri Southern?

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  36. autie (anonymous) says…

    My cousin called me today. Him an his buddy gots pulled over again with a whole back seat full of empty beer bottles. But them tricked that sheriff. Thems peeleded off a label from the beer bottles an stucks them on theyd four heads an when that sheriff asked them if themmed been drinnkin, they says no we on the patch.

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  37. RoeDapple (anonymous) says…

    speekin of patch i runnd acrost abunch of long skinney stiks with al the leeves strippd offen them do yuo evr see sumpin liek that in yer woods?

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  38. The_Original_Bob (anonymous) says…

    "They come together, I think, to make the Elk River. Down in there around Pineville and Noel. Missouri Southern?"

    Ahh, the Elk River. Back in my younger days once I floated that passed out most of the way. I brought all my fishing gear, but nobody else did. And then the traffic on it was kind of high and made fishing pointless. Started to drink heavily.

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  39. autie (anonymous) says…

    Hmmm. just as i'd specked you boys is all cuzin somewhats. Well, in so0m parts. I'd reckon i'd nowed bout them re dirts boyus. browned up likur on the downside of the arkansas river makes for a beter tiem then them okie red dirt boys an donted havin your boys stickin the hands up in holes thinkin therein catfisher mans.

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