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Anna Undercover: Forgiving a Jerk

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If you go to any strip club/bar/store on a regular basis, you develop a kind of relationship with the people who work there.

After several months, it might feel more like a friendship, and you can get pretty close.

But if a customer and friend suddenly completely freaks you out and disrespects you by breaking a rule, as a certain man did to me back in December, it's a real betrayal, and it hurts.

This is what happened between me and a man we'll call 'Jake.'


It was June 2009, and a customer at my then-bar, the Paradise Saloon in North Lawrence, wanted my phone number.

"No," I said to the man whose name I'd already forgot. "If I give you my phone number, I'll get in trouble."

Dammit! What was his name?

I smiled and tried to force the conversation back to the business at hand.

"Are you sure you don't want a lap dance?" I asked sweetly, giving him my best raised-eyebrow and flirty smile.

"No thanks," he said. "You're great. I just don't like lap dances." He stood up halfway and reached for his wallet.

"Here," he said. "I just want you to sit here and be a cute young thing in my lap."

He handed me a fifty. I accepted it and tucked it into the purse I used to take shopping at boutiques and malls in Boston. Sigh.

"OK," I said, plopping into his lap. "Thank you, sweetheart!"

I put my arms around him and we chatted for quite some time. He turned out to be really nice and very respectful, like the majority of my customers seemed to be at Paradise Saloon.

After our whole conversation, I still couldn't remember the poor guy's name.

"Since I can't have your number," the man said. "How about I'll give you mine?"

"Let me ask the manager if that's OK," I said, feeling dorky.

The manager had already told me the rules about phone numbers a hundred times, but a moderately severe learning disability makes it extremely hard for me to remember verbal instructions.

For this reason, I've always taken copious notes. On everything. A notebook or a laptop was always in my hands. Even if I was out. My entire life is probably available in hard copy in boxes at my parents' house.

I can't walk around with a notepad at a strip club, so I suffer accordingly.

"Can you tell me again if we're allowed to take customers' phone numbers?" I asked the manager, cringing at my idiocy. It's embarrassing and it's obnoxious to everyone around me. I expected him to yell at me.

"Just don't make a big show of it," he said, folding his arms. "It's not something we encourage because of the risk of prostitution."

"OK. Thanks," I said, glad he didn't yell. I trotted back to my customer. I smiled as I made my way to his seat.

Dammit! What the hell is his name?

I kicked myself for forgetting it. I am great at sales, but I feel my disability holds me back.

Jake! Jake was his name.

"Hi Jake," I said smiling and sitting in his lap. "It turns out that I can take your phone number."

He wrote his number on a napkin and made a few jokes suggesting that I might not call.

"I'll call," I promised.

"I hate strip clubs, but you're a cool girl," he said to me.

"I'll call you next time I'm in," I said, smiling. I liked him.

Over the next several months, I called him every so often, and he would come. He always gave me $50, bought me my favorite drink, and had something interesting to say. He never broke a single rule.

His easy-going nature and disinterest in flirting with me quickly earned my trust, and I looked forward to seeing him.

We grew close, trading a lot of personal stories. I even told him about my learning disability, which is a source of extreme embarrassment and self-consciousness for me.

We began to chat on the phone occasionally even when I wasn't at work. He knew about my day-life and my night job.

I told him my real name.

When I moved from the Paradise Saloon to the Outhouse (where dancers are not allowed to exchange contact information with customers) in October, he was unenthusiastic about visiting me.

"It's crazy in there," he said. "It's loud." He hated it for the reasons I love it.

"I guess I have to come by at some point," he eventually said in a phone conversation. "I'm getting you an Android for Christmas."

"Jake, I don't want an Android," I lied. "I don't want anything. I have everything. In triplicate." It's true.

He visited me anyway.

For once, he did want a dance.

I gave him one, as I told you in this entry, he put his mouth on my boob.

"What the hell!" I'd said. "I thought you said you'd follow the rules!"

He didn't apologize.

I saw red, but said nothing further about what he did. I was too pissed.

I finished the dance, took his $300, and stiffly bid him good bye.

In an unusual move, I did not even confront him the next day. I stopped answering his calls. I was livid.

Two weeks later, around Christmas or so, I was calm enough to tell him why I was ignoring him.

"I am too angry to see you because you broke a rule," I typed in a text message. "I need space. I'll contact you another time."

"You are disgusted by me!" he responded. "Forget it, [Anna]."

My heart raced as I looked at his message on the screen. He wasn't taking responsibility for what he did. He had never acted like this. I didn't know what to do with this behavior, so I just stood there and got mad.

I didn't want to see those sentences there. I didn't want to see his name in my phone. I didn't want to see him ever again.

Red-faced, I deleted his text message, punching the keypad hard.

"Ugh!" I thought. I wanted to scream. "You are smart enough to know which one of us is in the right!"

He called a few times. I didn't pick up. He finally left me a voice mail, which I erased.

I didn't hear from him for several weeks.

"It's hard to find good friends, [Anna]," he texted me out of the blue in January. I didn't respond.

He sent another text a few days later. "I'm really sorry and I want to patch things up," he typed (roughly).

"I want to forgive you, but I'm still mad," I texted back. "I need space. I'll get in touch with you next month."

I didn't. I kind of wanted to, but thinking about what happened still made me so mad.

He sent another text message toward the end of February.

"When you look back in life, I want you to remember me as a good guy," he wrote.

I kind of wanted to forgive him, but I didn't respond. [At least, I don't think I did. Not sure].

March came, and I still felt betrayed.

He sent me another message, much like his last.

"I want you to look back and say 'that was a good guy,'" he wrote.

I gave in.

"I am not ready for things to go back to normal, but I want you to know that I forgive you," I said to his voice mail, hesitating to continue. "Talk to you later."

We haven't talked yet. I still don't know if or how we'll ever re-connect.

Moral of the story:

Don't be a jerk. It ruins everything.

Comments

AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

He called once and caught me at a bad time. I haven't called back yet.

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Vic 4 years, 6 months ago

Rules are rules and you expect them to be followed. Maybe he thought there was more than just a friendship there which made him think he could get away with what he did. Why he didn't realize he was in the wrong, I don't know.

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@Vic I've had some time to think, and I don't know if I still think he's a 'nice guy.' I sometimes still feel really mad about it.

We had a really good friendship, but he definitely crossed the line, and it will never be the same, even if I do let things go back to normal.

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tvc 4 years, 6 months ago

I can see why he thought he was more than just a customer to you. If you want to keep things professional, then YOU need to keep things professional.

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@tvc I honestly thought I was being professional, and re: the friendship, he never even flirted with me. The whole rule-breaking deal came out of the blue. I was beside myself. Only one other customer, whose transgression was also described in the Morocco entry, has ever done something like that to me.

I would think if he thought of me as more than a friend that his first move wouldn't have been what he did. He is so much smarter than that. That's another reason I was so, so livid.

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whats_going_on 4 years, 6 months ago

I don't really blame him for doing it in the first place, seeing as the situation at hand (strip club, you were close, etc) although him not taking responsibility is pretty bad. It sounds like he could easily fix things if he would admit his wrongdoing and move on. I think the fact that he wont shows what kind of person he is, and the person he wants you to be.

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@whats_going_on I agree that not apologizing when he should have shows what kind of person he is and the person he wants me to be. :P Good point.

But the rules are clear--I totally blame him for doing that. Even if I'm close, the rules are the same and he needs to follow them. You're supposed to keep your tongue/mouth to yourself in strip clubs. It's written on the walls at Paradise and at the Outhouse (in two places).

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tvc 4 years, 6 months ago

I think you were leading him on…intentional or not. Why did he give you $300 isn’t it usually $20? Do you usually tell all of clients your real name, phone number, and personal information? I think it is weird you are so mad at him. It seems more like a small misunderstanding that could be cleared up with…I know we talk on the phone and have a friendship, but when you come into the club you are just like any other customer.

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beatrice 4 years, 6 months ago

"You're supposed to keep your tongue/mouth to yourself in strip clubs."

No kidding. Who knows where that boob has been!

(just kidding Anna -- but yuck on every level) However, it does go with the territory, your being naked and in a person's lap and face and all. Only way to avoid it would be if you danced in one of those booth thingys where the guys pleasure themselves from behind a plexi barrier (watch the film Paris Texas if you are unaware of such things). Again, yuck on every level, and are you really surprised when you work at a place named after a toilet?

Guess you should have just taken the Android after all.

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@tvc I have to say your comment sounds reasonable. Maybe I should have handled it like that, but I was so livid that he broke a rule. Not only do friends not put their mouths on each other's boobs, but he absolutely knows that if the bouncers, for one second, think that I wanted him to do that, I could lose my job and never get hired there again.

If we ever got busted for prostitution, the place would get shut down and everyone would be out of a job, so they're pretty sensitive when it looks like you're committing a fire-able offense.

@reticent_irreverent :(

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@beatrice I'm closing in on one year stripping and only TWO times have customers violated that rule.

The hundreds and hundreds of other people I've danced for never did lick me.

Luckily, regardless of where I work or the perceived social stigma of my occupation, I'm protected by the same laws that you are.

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tvc 4 years, 6 months ago

Yeah, but most people do not put their bare chests in their friend’s face.

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Kontum1972 4 years, 6 months ago

AnnA...WB....

stick to your guns.....i feel a set-up...stay clear....he knew the rules u laid out...u bend now u always will...

Sky

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@beatrice Do you really think that my chest being close to his face means him licking me was somehow predictable and OK?

Would you also say that having my purse, for example, the same distance away from him would justify him taking my money?

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Kontum1972 4 years, 6 months ago

ps..i recieved some good news last night...i am on cloud 9....i am still pinching myself. i wanna tell ya....its so cool...

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@tvc As I said above: Do you really think that my chest being close to his face means him licking me was somehow predictable and OK?

Would you also say that having my purse, for example, the same distance away from him would justify him taking my money?

I'm going to take a nap now but will check this later.

@Kontum1972 Thanks. :)

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meggers 4 years, 6 months ago

Was he drunk? Not that it's a great excuse, but since you decribe him as normally rational and intelligent, it seems odd that he would have the audacity to do what he did sober. The fact that he has not aplogized, though, makes it sound like he thought he was somehow entitled. That does NOT sound like a nice guy.

Just because you forgive him does not in any way mean that you're obligated to continue a relationship with him. You're the best judge of whether or not he would enhance your life, or just cause you more stress or anxiety. Some people just aren't worth the bother, IMHO.

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Kontum1972 4 years, 6 months ago

"When you look back in life, I want you to remember me as a good guy," he wrote.

give me a break....."puke puke"...gee it sounds like something out of the movie Pearl Harbor..sniff sniff......i am going on a deadly mission..and i might not be coming back....

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@meggers He was totally sober.

He said he was sorry in a text message, but it's not the same as a real apology--not that he has the chance to see me in person unless he comes to the club, anyway. And I don't think I'd go over to him.

Thanks for saying that I'm not obligated to continue a relationship with him. I didn't think of it that way, and it's the best way to think about how I want to move forward in the wake of this. :P

OK, I'm really going to bed now. :) Will be on later.

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Vic 4 years, 6 months ago

His "remember me as a good guy" comment has stuck in my craw a little as well. I think he doesn't want people to know his reputation or doesn't want to get a reputation for this transgression. For all you know, he has done this to girls before and asked them also to not tell on him. He may be some creeper and lured you in. As Kontum1972 says, beware.

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tvc 4 years, 6 months ago

Your reaction to me is why stripping is not natural or empowering. This small misstep made you feel so horribly violated. He was not even a stranger, but a very good friend. I would not be topless and grinding on a friend unless I wanted more, so it is hard to relate. Most people are sexually turned on when someone is “acting” sexual with them. Maybe you had him firmly planted in the friend zone, but he did not feel that way about you. Don’t you see how it could be a little confusing to someone who does not get naked and rub their naked body on people for a living? To you he was a John Doe with money…but maybe to him you were (insert your real name) who he had a real feelings for.

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acg 4 years, 6 months ago

Maybe he was too humiliated to say sorry in person. It sounds obvious to me, by your story, that he was digging you big time. He may have said he was glad you were his "friend" but that sounds like code for "I really want you to be my girlfriend". It gives him absolutely no right to break the rules, however, and it sucks you were treated like that by someone you had grown to trust.

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beatrice 4 years, 6 months ago

anna: "Luckily, regardless of where I work or the perceived social stigma of my occupation, I'm protected by the same laws that you are."

Indeed. I'm not saying otherwise. However, if something like that had happened to me in my work place, the person would have been arrested. You, on the other hand, just let him know that was against the "rules," not that it was against the law. You have compromised yourself by not enforcing the laws that you recognize are there to protect you. I think you are bright enough to see that.

"Do you really think that my chest being close to his face means him licking me was somehow predictable and OK?"

OK? Hell no it isn't okay! Predictable -- it has happened to you twice. TWICE! As they say, fool me once ... The fact that it happens frequently enough that telling people they can't do this needs to be written on the walls of the club you work indicates that it is indeed predictable. Highly predictable. (So are dangerous paper cuts from crisp dollar bills -- now you can't say you haven't been warned!) It is a sexualized environment with naked people performing sexual dances -- that isn't a pack of Mentos you are grinding on in their laps. So yes, it is predictable, and I predict it will happen again if you continue to dance.

"The hundreds and hundreds of other people I've danced for never did lick me."

I just had to repeat that line because, when taken out of context, it is just too darn funny a sentence. Not something you read every day.

On a serious note, anna, replace "lick" with the word "hit." I feel you would know what the proper response should be. Same language, same apologizes, same "I didn't mean to do it" type of excuses, same groveling after the fact. Hundreds have shown they know better than to react to what they most likely would like to do to you. He, on the other hand, is the type of person who will cross boundaries that should be obvious. You are best not having him in your life at all, because chances are he will break those boundaries again some day. Maybe not by licking, but in some other way. Again, fool me once ... You don't need him in your life, not even as a casual friend. (All of this is the sincere advice I would give a friend.)

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cthulhu_4_president 4 years, 6 months ago

Saw a great episode of "Penn & Teller's: BS" awhile ago that focused on manners, specifically victorian style etiquette, and the people who try to enforce these standards upon society. The conclusion was that at the functions where manners and etiquette are highly touted (fancy dinners, first dates, etc.) are the places where this outdated code of conduct becomes counterproductive since in a setting such as a dinner or a date when the idea is to get to know people and interact with them in meaningful ways. Outdated victorian standards for behavior prevent this from happening, since in the process of trying to act polite in accordance to a preset standard, neither one of us are really honestly communicating with each other.

Conversly, settings that is not commonly held up as an example of victorian etiquette, such as a strip club, are the places where these manners are the most important, as they regulate the conditions under which one is able to legally procure a service, and following these rules could save you some incarceration or hospitalization!

An interesting dichotomy, and good post!

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alm77 4 years, 6 months ago

This is a story I've heard over and over in every outcry against the sex industry. Men are buying something fake. They are buying a fantasy and it's harmful when the lines between reality and fantasy are blurred. You're mad and hurt he's hurt because of your rejection. Yes, you were leading him on, but he was paying you to. Sex work is a manufactured cheap reality of what true sexual relationships are supposed to be. Everyone who knows me, knows that I'm no prude (you're just going to have to take my word for it), but their are emotional consequences in this business you're in that are either a) rarely taken into consideration or b) denied. You've been hurt. He's been hurt. So, tell me again why all this is worth it?

I'm not against, you, Anna. I've just said it before, this isn't as awesome as you think it is.

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jehovah_bob 4 years, 6 months ago

You know I actually got scolded by a stripper once because I wasn't "hands on" enough. Could you post the Outhouse rules in one of your blogs sometime, I'm too distracted by the naked ladies to think about reading the rules.

More importantly, drop this guy. Why are you still fretting about him? He broke the rules and broke your trust, move on. There's no reason to forgive him and I believe this is the statement to prove that point, " 'You are disgusted by me!" he responded. "Forget it, [Anna].' "

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jehovah_bob 4 years, 6 months ago

Oh, wait, I think I might of read that statement wrong. I thought he was questioning who should be more disgusted. Anyway, my advice is still the same, fuhgettaboutim.

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funkdog1 4 years, 6 months ago

Anna: I'm really confused by your personal hurt by this situation. I can understand being upset, or insulted or pissed off, but the bottom line is that you and this guy are not friends. He's paying you to hang out with him. Ergo, you're not friends. That's not how friendship works, at all.

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Kontum1972 4 years, 6 months ago

very true Jbob....Loser with a pocket full of cash....and one in every city...

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alm77 4 years, 6 months ago

funkdog, that's what I'm saying. Counterfeit relationships hurt people. I don't get it either.

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funkdog1 4 years, 6 months ago

I don't get it, but I'm not passing moral judgment on it, either. I don't think there's anything wrong with dancing or anything wrong with guys frequenting strip joints, as long as they behave themselves. But there's definitely no "friendship" there. It's strictly business.

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alm77 4 years, 6 months ago

How can the two not be confused? How can one separate the intrinsically personal nature of sexual nudity from a personal relationship?

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grammaddy 4 years, 6 months ago

Sand your ground! Rules are rules.

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Vic 4 years, 6 months ago

I think the issue is boundaries. This was a guy who, in the past, was a perfect gentleman and followed the rules. He gained her trust as a customer. Maybe to him, he felt he was more than "just a customer" and felt he could get away with more. He took a chance and got burned by it. Either he developed feelings that Anna didn't completely reciprocate or he was just a creep who waited for the opportunity to strike. Either way, leave this guy alone.

@jimjones

This blog isn't about starving people in Africa or Haiti. It's Anna's blog and she controls the subject matter. In a day where a groping politician makes headline news, I think this is just as appropriate of subject matter.

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funkdog1 4 years, 6 months ago

I've had some pretty good non-personal sex.

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Kontum1972 4 years, 6 months ago

JERK= a stupid or foolish person.

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beatrice 4 years, 6 months ago

fd1: "But there's definitely no "friendship" there. It's strictly business."

Good point. I guess the "forgiveness" isn't a personal decision, but a business decision. You put up with a lot more from people in business than you would in your personal life. In business, sometimes people are such jerks that even if it costs you some green you decide not to do business with them anymore. So maybe that is the question -- is it worth the hassle to make some extra bucks? This jerk does appear to pay well, and if you have decided to sell your body (via getting nekid and dancing all sexual in strangers' laps) can a boob lick be as horrible as, say, dancing for someone with really bad breath?

Vic, groping politicians don't just make headline news, they also get elected governor of California.

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alm77 4 years, 6 months ago

"I've had some pretty good non-personal sex." Did she think so? That's the problem, platonic sex is rarely mutual, even when both parties agree upfront that it is.

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Tom Miller 4 years, 6 months ago

Gawd...two of my daughters are "dancers", one currently, and one in the past, and the human detritus they have had to deal with was truly a bit more than one would normally encounter in most other business environments...groping, remarks, errant assumptions, stalkers, etc., and the list goes on. The primary reason, as I understand it, for putting up with such is the extreme money to be made. Otherwise, I don't believe most would be there. The rules are in place NOT just to protect the girls, but, in the touching-allowed establishments, to sorta protect the customers just a bit from the NOT-so-cream-of-the-crop "ladies" as well...with clearly defined and enforced rules, all are more free to enjoy the show, girls and customers alike, without fear of the b.s. that CAN occur. But what do I know, I'm old, huh?

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Kontum1972 4 years, 6 months ago

AUndr ...is taking a siesta....Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...!

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Tom Miller 4 years, 6 months ago

...Kontum 1972...were ya there, or do ya just like how the moniker sounds? Just curious...

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dmb41fan 4 years, 6 months ago

gents and damsel's, I regret to inform you that this world is not perfect, there are common morals, law's, ordances that should be followed but are not. When it comes to incidents around the workplace, they are even more strict for a reason, I'm not saying what you did was wrong Anna, that's not my spot. It's just difficult for people to make a distinction at times between what is business and what is personal. People in the workplace date, but that doesn't make it right/wrong, just makes the line a little less defined and therefore considered a faux pas. I have a few friends who are dancers whom I know personal things about, but I have a clear distinct line with them and they understand it, and I do too. I think maybe you will learn from this difficult situation... PS don't accept drinks that you haven't seen brought by a waitress either, that a difficult lesson to learn as well.

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somedude20 4 years, 6 months ago

<<<<<<<<<<<scratch mi belly anna and iz giv u lickz (provided that you can prove that you haz had ur shotz)

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Vic 4 years, 6 months ago

I had a friend of mine who had a pug. Small and cute, but they are always into everything. I think his had a breathing problem or are all pugs loud breathing dogs?

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tubs_of_love 4 years, 6 months ago

Just goes to show you want men are really after. Any guy with a good looking girl for a friend is really just waiting in line.

As for rules, whats that saying? Oh yeah, they were made to be broken. The speed limit is clearly posted, no running by the pool, no guns, all posted to keep you safe.

The very first time I went to a strip club I broke the rules, by mistake. During my first lap dance the dancer grabbed my hands a placed them upon her breasts, which lead me to believe that it was normal. With my second lap dance I tried to use my hands and they were smacked down. I figured it out, but some people don't or just don't care.

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somedude20 4 years, 6 months ago

vic iz dont wantz to pigeonhole mi race but iz good at crankz calling with lotz of breathing

iz start with mi breathing then askz for nomz lotz of nomz

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jehovah_bob 4 years, 6 months ago

C'mon Anna, wake up, it's gettin' to be a sausage fest in here.

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@tvc "Your reaction to me is why stripping is not natural or empowering. This small misstep made you feel so horribly violated. He was not even a stranger, but a very good friend."

I disagree. My reaction is to unwanted sexual contact. He broke a rule--and a law--when he licked me.

It's not my fault he can't follow the rules; it's his fault. Like I said, only twice have I had customers break the rules like this. Both are described in the Morocco entry I mentioned.

@vertigo Lol at 'antsy-in-the-pantsy.' Even though men get antsy in the pantsy, they still have the same biological decision-making process. :P Follow the rules or suffer my wrath! :)

If he wanted to be more than friends, he should have said something about this some other way besides putting his mouth on me.

@acg Thanks. :)

@beatrice It is not my fault that two out of god knows how many customers broke the rules. I do not, technically, expect people to break the rules.

Saying I should expect to get licked again somehow feels (feels!) like you're trying to blame me for another person's actions. My job is to take people to the border, but not to cross it. It's made abundantly clear by not only my job title, but like I said, the rules on the wall.

Like I said before, most people don't break the rules.

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@cthuluhu_4_president "Convers[e]ly, settings that is not commonly held up as an example of victorian etiquette, such as a strip club, are the places where these manners are the most important, as they regulate the conditions under which one is able to legally procure a service, and following these rules could save you some incarceration or hospitalization!"

What a great point. Manners ARE the most important in settings like strip clubs. I am going to turn this over in my head for a while. I'm doing some outside reading on the brothels/naughty bars of the wild west and might want to add this subject to my outside reading as well. :) Thanks.

@alm77 Thank you for that comment. He WAS paying me to lead him on. :P Luckily, he's one of only a very small number of people I've encountered who suddenly have a hard time with the fantasy side of things, and try to cross the line.

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@jehovah_bob What a great idea. I'll write down the rules at work tonight.

@funkdog1 I guess we got pretty close. After all, I told him some of my biggest 'secrets,' (like, for example) that I have a moderately severe learning disability. I realize I just posted this on the Interwebz, but that's a pretty sensitive subject for me and I (until now) don't tell just anybody about it. I thought we were friends.

I guess, like people are saying, he might not have ever felt that way.

@beatrice Um, there's a huge difference between putting your tongue on me when I don't want you to and simply having bad breath when I dance for you.

@tmkatt Thanks for your post. It's good to get the perspective of someone with immediate relatives who work in this job.

I've never had a customer turn into a stalker. The only people I've had to worry about are (female!) Internet harassers from the comments section of this blog (jeez), occasional hate e-mail from people who I think are also women, etc. I had a stalker a while back who was, at one time, a good friend, who just went bonkers after a drunk debacle that had nothing to do with sex. :P

@dmb41fan Good comment. :) Nice to see you dropping by. Thanks for the well meant advice re: drinks, but I love my Paradise bartenders! I know at least one reads this blog every time I update it. (Hi sweetie!)

@jehovah_bob :) A reader who has my number saw your comment and texted me. I have to rush off to work now, but you can thank her for getting me down here! :)

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@Vic Thanks for taking the floor while I slept. :) You're awesome!

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Vic 4 years, 6 months ago

I hardly "took the floor" but I appreciate the compliment. Thank you.

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KansasPerson 4 years, 6 months ago

You did too, Vic. I just fell into the basement. Thanks a lot!

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beatrice 4 years, 6 months ago

anna, lots of responses to get to. Understandable that the replies are fairly short.

However, when you write: "Saying I should expect to get licked again somehow feels (feels!) like you're trying to blame me for another person's actions." is not what I intended. I say that since it has now happened to you twice, then you really should anticipate or predict that in your line of work it absolutely will happen again. Absolutely. It clearly is coming with the territory, isn't it? I mean, ever get licked by a customer at any of your previous jobs, let alone twice in one year? Just ask yourself: how many women in other lines of work get licked by their customers (dog groomers aside)? And in your biz?

One of the reasons is because where you work it is just treated like a "rule," rather than the law. You endured both instances without involving the police because you and others in your line of work have compromised yourselves for the sake of the job. As long as such actions are treated as a club rule rather than a breaking of sexual violation laws, you can count on it happening again. Not your fault and not saying you are asking for it, but it apparently goes with the territory. Otherwise, the police would have been involved. (Think of it as someone who has their car stolen after they left the doors unlocked and the keys in the ignition. Not their fault, they didn't ask to have their vehicle jacked, but precautions weren't taken.)

I'm curious, how do you respond to the notion that friends don't pay friends to hang out with them? Have you not confused friendship with a business relationship? Is it possible this was a big lesson -- you have only been doing this for a year, after all.

Finally, if you are treating this as a broken rule -- kind of like rules in dating -- do you see any connection with your feelings, your reactions then and since, and how other women might respond to being struck by a boyfriend? Not the same -- but in the ballpark, no? At least I read into your story much of the same reaction -- the shock, anger, disgust, the begging from the boy, etc..? Just curious as to your thoughts on this.

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denak 4 years, 6 months ago

Oh please. Anna, you have admitted in other blogs that you have no problems taking money and personal gifts from customers. You seem to think that is your right and that nothing is expected in return. Well guess what...Jake expected something in return. Jake just played the game longer than most and you were foolish enough to believe that he cared about you. No, he didn't see you as a person or as a friend. He saw you as a potential lay that he was willing to invest in until he got to brag about how he "nailed a stripper."

Was he a jerk? Absolutely, but he wasn't so much of a jerk that you were willing to walk away without taking your 300 hundred dollars.

Dena

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Kontum1972 4 years, 6 months ago

GOOD MORNING VIETNAM.....YEEEEEEEEEEEEHOOOOOOOOOOOO...! GO KU...!

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beatrice 4 years, 6 months ago

Jesse, are you paying up front?

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Zilla 4 years, 6 months ago

Sometimes the customers you develop lasting friendships with can be the most disrespectful and perverted. I've learned this the hard way unfortunately. I decided that I can't be "friends" with the customers OUTSIDE of the club at all. They always think you'll give in someday and date them or whatever even though you keep telling them it's never going to happen. I met a few guys YEARS ago at the OH who I gave my personal number so we could hang out strictly platonic and they still try to hook up with me even though I've always been clear on my position. So...anyway, I miss you and I miss R2.

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@Zilla Sigh.

If I don't bring you R2 on Monday, beat me up.

I'm in Olathe and will probably be asleep for the next 100 million years. Or until Monday. :) Lol. Am exhausted. Was a long hard night.

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beatrice 4 years, 6 months ago

Yes, Anna avoids the real questions, this time about friendships and the exchange of money. Too bad. It could have made for some real conversation, not just more self promotion. .

Likewise, I wonder how much of that $300 in cash Anna will declare on her income taxes? How many strippers do pay their full share of taxes, and how many are just leeches who sponge off the real workers in America? Now this could be an insight into stripping I'd find of interest.

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@beatrice "Yes, Anna avoids the real questions, this time about friendships and the exchange of money. Too bad. It could have made for some real conversation, not just more self promotion. .

Likewise, I wonder how much of that $300 in cash Anna will declare on her income taxes? How many strippers do pay their full share of taxes, and how many are just leeches who sponge off the real workers in America? Now this could be an insight into stripping I'd find of interest."

I've already indirectly answered your question about taxes in previous entries.

The tone of your comment seems disrespectful. I would like you to be nicer in the future.

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tubs_of_love 4 years, 6 months ago

@Anna - Yes, you do avoid anything that is not praise. By the way, you never answered my question. Do you lie about your situation and why?

Off the subject, I do recall you calling yourself a writer. Well guess what, I recently bought a camera, now I take black and white pictures. I am a photographer.

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beatrice 4 years, 6 months ago

Anna: "I've already indirectly answered your question about taxes in previous entries."

Okay, I must have missed it. Believe it or not, I haven't read your every written word. Since I admit to having missed your indirect answer elsewhere, why not answer it directly in this entry? You are the one who told us how much the man who licked you handed over. You seemed to make a point that it was $300, not just the usual $20. (The fact that it was such a large amount for one dance seems like it was your way of justifying to some degree the scuzzy aspect of your profession, but then, I could be misreading the tenor of your comment.)

Since you brought up the $300 you earned from the licker, and you discuss frequently the grand sums you are pulling in now that you are a stripper, it leads me to wonder about how strippers file taxes on the cash they are given. It seems like it would be too easy to simply not report the actual amount you make. If you are being the stripper who tells it like it is here in your blog, then why not answer the question about strippers and taxes? Do strippers pay taxes on all the money earned, or are they leeches on the rest of the taxpayers in our society? Since not paying your fair share of taxes is taking the easy way out, I suspect most of us belive strippers abuse the system.

"The tone of your comment seems disrespectful. I would like you to be nicer in the future."

I just listened to my comment. It didn't have a tone of any kind. I am plenty nice with a great sense of humor, but I don't suffer fools easily. I am also not easily sidetracked by a simple aside.

Tell us Anna, do you declare every crumpled up dollar you are given, or is it all "under the table." as it were? Tone or no tone, these are pretty direct questions. Do you pay your full and fair share of taxes? Do other strippers?

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@tubs_of_love If you think I "avoid anything that is not praise," think about what that 'not praise' is. When I don't answer you, it is either because I didn't notice your comment yet, or because you are being disrespectful.

I don't like that you are calling all strippers liars, and you've been mean to me many times before, so I don't want to answer your question right now. If someone else with a better track record of being nice asks it, then I'm happy to respond to them.

I invite you to read my response to @beatrice below to learn a little more about why I won't answer your question.

@beatrice When customers are disrespectful to dancers at the Outhouse, what frequently happens is that girls tell the other dancers what happened. When a customer is particularly rude, this will usually cause him to sit alone for the rest of his night there. His behavior isn't bad enough to get kicked out, but it's not good enough to get a dance or talk to us. He is all by himself because he's a jerk.

It occurred to me tonight that it makes sense to handle commenters in the same way.

I want you to remember the comments you've made on this entry aren't the first comments you've made. You have a history of being rude to me, and even in your comments here you use the word "leeches" and say you suspect me and my friends of being bloodsuckers on the economy.

You could have just said "do you pay taxes or not," and that would have sufficed.

Yes, I do think your earlier comment is disrespectful. Even after I asked you to be nice, you are continuing your disrespectful behavior by saying things like "do you declare every crumpled[-]up dollar you are given."

It's just a straw on a pile of hay, for sure, but like I said, it isn't your first. If you were someone who hadn't been rude to me in the past, I would answer your question despite wondering if you are trying to provoke me with the 'crumpled-up dollar' comment; however, given your history and the fact that you aren't being nicer or apologizing for your past rudeness, I will not answer you right now.

You are now getting the same treatment I give rude customers who still want a dance. You won't get what you want until you apologize for what you did and demonstrate that you can behave better.

Someone who has no history of bullying me, of being rude to others, or anything like that can ask the question, though, and they will get the answer.

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@hannahdawn0709 Outhouse Sacrifiiiiiiice! I always tell people to make sure to ask for the meanest girls we've got and really give the crowd a show. (Hehe! I'm sure you already know that!) :)

Thanks for the encouragement. It really doesn't matter who a person is--acquaintance, perfect stranger, whatever: When they agree to go by our rules, that should be the end of it.

If my wallet's near a customer, I expect him/her to leave it on the table. If my boob is near him/her, I expect him/her to keep his/her mouth away from me. Period. Every individual human has the power to govern their own behavior.

And yes, Po will always be there. He is great about stage, and so is Cookie. When Cookie gets pissed, I get scared, lol. "Roaaaarrrr!" says the huge man by the stage. If I were a customer, I'd cower in fear. :)

Nine out of 10 times, when I report behavior to Po, the customer is g-o-n-e. Immediately. He's awesome. The 10th time is almost always about just plain rudeness, to which he always says the same thing: "he's a jerk. Just tell the other girls and move on."

We need a manners ninja. Hiya.

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TopJayhawk 4 years, 6 months ago

It looks to me like the first traces of spring are in the air. Yes, it is definatly getting on towards the end of winter.

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@TopJayhawk :) Yep, and I'm looking forward to the better money the spring and summer months provide. :D

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local_support 4 years, 6 months ago

Really he might be a psycho. He doesn't like strip clubs and the way you describe him makes him seem like a weirdo. You never know what might push him over the edge. He might have your relationship built up in his mind to the point of being delusional. I bet he probably has a hard time meeting women and / or issues with females.

Who knows, maybe he goes around telling people you are his girlfriend. Has he ever taken a picture of you? Hell, maybe he has when you weren't looking. Obviously I don't know him personally, nor do I know you. But there are a lot of crazy f-ing people out there. Get rid of him I say. Sorry for the dose of paranoia but is it really worth it if he turns out to be a nutjob?

PS For someone who has some sort of moderate learning disability your writing skills are superb.

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@local_support I haven't contacted him in a little bit.

He did come to the club after I published this entry, and I waved to be polite. He didn't stay long, though, and left before I finished talking to a group of young guys on the other side of the stage.

He didn't text me or anything after. I am leaning toward not contacting him again. Even nice people can sometimes turn into nutjobs.

And thank you for the compliment. It's really hard to be a decent writer when you don't have a full tool belt (lol), and in the past couple of months, I haven't always been able to go to the doctor and get the prescription for the medication that fixes some of the problems the disability creates. It means a lot to me to hear good things. :)

Thanks a lot.

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local_support 4 years, 6 months ago

Yeah, I hate to jump to a conclusion like that but I just had someone close to me basically, well, go crazy. Pretty sad affair, I had to sever all ties. I wanted to be there for him but at this point it is best handled by his family. I wish him all the best and a speedy recovery. (If that's even possible, I like to believe that it is)

And you're welcome about the compliment on your writing...gotta give credit where credit is due.

I am curious, is your "stage name" Anna Undercover? Or are you really undercover when it comes to posting this blog.

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TopJayhawk 4 years, 6 months ago

How utterly sad, pathetic, and shallow.
A man pays you rediculous amounts of money to sit on his lap and be his "friend?" Not even possible. And you considered him to be your friend? Do you have any "friends" that don't pay you for the privaledge? Sad. All "relationships" you have at that club are mutually exploitive. No real friendships can develop there.

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@local_support My stage name is Anna, and I go by "Anna Undercover" and sometimes "Anna Lawrence" as DBA ('doing business as') names. I would stick to Anna Undercover but Facebook wouldn't let me put 'Undercover' as my last name and I was too lazy to call my friends who work there and bother them for help. :)

@TopJayhawk It's 'privilege.' ;)

Thanks for reading and commenting. :)

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beatrice 4 years, 6 months ago

Now, what was it you once wrote to me - to paraphrase: "go ahead and give it to me. I want you to kick my ass." It was along those lines. Nice to see you didn't mean it. I'm also not in the slightest bit surprised you won't answer the question. Leeches rarely are honest about how they sponge off of society.

As far as writing the crumpled dollars is an insult or disrespectful, isn't that how you described your pay when you so delightfully tell the cashier at the grocer that you are a stripper? Um, yep. It is.

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Tom Miller 4 years, 6 months ago

@ Vic -- re: "You really creep me out dude.:

Huh? re-read all...what'd I miss, or misunderstand?

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Zilla 4 years, 6 months ago

@beatrice How is it that we're sponging off society when men pay cover charges to come in to the club and then in addition, spend more money on us? We pay a house fee to work there. I don't recall ever hearing of a leech paying anything to live in its pond and do its thing. Don't act like these are the poor working men of America getting taken advantage of. They pay for womens attention and skills as dancers. The ones with half a brain in their head know nothing will come out of the money they are giving us except lap dances and smiles. I've gotten paid $1,000 just to sit and talk to a guy for a few hours. He knew he was going home alone at the end of the night. Some people just like to give.

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beatrice 4 years, 6 months ago

Zilla, you are missing the point. I'm not saying you are sponging off the men who pay you to dance. I'm saying that if you aren't fully reporting your earnings to the government, then you are a leeche to society. Everyone else pays their full and fair share of taxes, how about you? You are an independent contractor, that is all. Like working in construction or housecleaning or waiting tables, if you are being paid in cash you are supposed to report your earnings and pay taxes on those earnings, just like everybody else. If you don't do this, or if you under-report your earnings, then you are a leeche. Why shouldn't you pay your full amount of taxes on all monies earned?

You are supposed to pay taxes on the money you earn. Did you report to the government that $1,000? Do you turn in quarterly statements like other service providers? What is different between your service and say, someone who repairs plumbing? There isn't a difference. By the way, you can write off the space rental fee you must pay in order to work, just like someone in real estate can write off their mileage when driving clients around town. I suspect it is rather telling that you don't appear to be aware of this.

So yes, I agree with you. Some people like to give.

Others just like to take.

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@beatrice It is clear that you aren't using those words in a nice way.

You are being snide. You are using a lot of negative energy posting on this blog every time it comes out. That has got to wear on you.

There are a lot of other articles, blogs, and stories on this Web site. Please consider commenting on them instead of this blog.

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AnnaUndercover 4 years, 6 months ago

@beatrice I would have loved for you to 'kick my ass,' if you had done it respectfully.

You don't need to be rude to win an argument.

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deec 4 years, 6 months ago

So all those corporations with their official headquarters off in the Caymans are leeches? Do you honestly believe every waitress, hotel maid, cab driver, doorman, hairdresser, pizza guy and bartender in America reports every penny they make in tips? Construction companies don't hire workers with fake papers so they can avoid payroll taxes? Every single person who sells on ebay. amazon or other sites, is fully reporting their income?

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tubs_of_love 4 years, 6 months ago

@Anna - I never called anyone a liar, I just asked, "Do you lie to your family?" Thats all. Maybe in jerk face way, but still a question.

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bearded_gnome 4 years, 6 months ago

This comment was removed by the site staff for violation of the usage agreement.

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beatrice 4 years, 6 months ago

anna: "There are a lot of other articles, blogs, and stories on this Web site. Please consider commenting on them instead of this blog."

There are also a lot of other websites. Feel free to peddle your trade there if you don't care for the responses you are getting here.

Sorry, but I'm not goin' anywhere. You have used your blog to turn this website into an extention of Craigslist. I don't care for it, and will continue to let you know. Since you only want advice that praises you, and I'm not about to do this, I will comment in any manner I see fit. Learn to live with it, because as long as it makes me laugh I will continue to do so. And I've only just begun.

You accuse me of being mean just because you don't care for the questions I ask or responses I give. I can live with that. It makes me think of the bumberstickers that read "Mean people suck," when what they really wish to convey is that people who don't let you get away with whatever it is you want to get away with suck.

You are correct in recognizing that I don't respect you. Respect isn't something given, it is something earned and you have not earned mine. You are just another stripper with grand illusions of being "special."

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local_support 4 years, 6 months ago

"Everyone else pays their full and fair share of taxes"

Ya right. Have you seen the tax returns for everyone in town?

"Sorry, but I'm not goin' anywhere."

That brings up an interesting point. Why ARE you here? Just to get a laugh for yourself? Like you said there are a lot of other websites. Seems like there would be many more things out there to amuse yourself besides this blog. If you don't like what you are seeing then go ahead and change the channel.

And BTW, mean people DO suck. Apparently you are someone who takes pride in making sure that those bumper stickers continue to sell at a brisk pace.

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