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Posted by Anna Undercover March 4, 2010 at 4:45 p.m.

Anna Undercover: Why My Inner Thighs Are Sore Today

"I think that's why they call it 'work,'" my boyfriend said yesterday at about 5 p.m.

It was the day of the big KU versus Kansas State basketball game, and I didn't feel like going in to work.

"But I still have to shower," I said. "I'll be late if I go in now." If you're not dressed, ready, and on the floor at 7:00 p.m., dancers are considered late, and you are fined $20.

I hate being late to anything.

"Definitely come in," one of our bouncers, Po (short for 'Po-lice'), said, when I called the Outhouse.

"Well, I know this is neither here nor there, but I feel fat today," I said, trying not to sound whiny.

"It's a game day, we're gonna be packed," he said, ignoring me.

"OK," I said, resigned, and headed to the Outhouse.

As I took my clothes off in the locker room, I checked myself out in the mirror.

"Eh, I don't look as fat as I feel," I thought. I decided I did look pretty good in my mesh Victoria's Secret thong. The pink bows on the front looked adorable with my lace-top black fishnet thigh-highs and fifties-style stripper shoes.

Smiling at my topless reflection, I pinned my bright white bows above my looped pigtails, grabbed my whip, and headed onto the floor to make someone's day.

There weren't enough customers yet to start a stage rotation, so the stage was open. In my typical half dance-loving, half attention-whore fashion, I jumped onto it to warm up.

I had all three customers' attention as I stalked around the pole, doing my usual mix of sensual ballet and easy pole tricks to warm up--all the while threatening the edge of the stage with my whip, of course.

I stepped off stage to freshen up. "Go sit with that old guy by VIP," a beautiful black dancer, K., told me as we primped in the locker room. "He's been saying all kinds of great things about you."

I sidled up to him moments later.

Instead of responding to (one of) my usual sales pitch intros, he physically turned me around in my chair and began to work on my shoulders and back.

"Haha, alrightythen," I said, smiling. I'm fine with not talking and just getting a massage, as long as he eventually buys a dance, tips me, or lets me move on to another customer.

In addition to being a good masseuse, he turned about to be a quick and easy customer. He got two two-for-one dances and went home.

Sigh.

No one else to sit with?

I thought it was supposed to be swingin'!

Despite the empty chairs, the loud party music played on, and of course, I had my girls to hang with.

And pole tricks to work on. I stepped on stage.

Frankie, one of my favorite dancers, who I first worked with at North Lawrence's Paradise Saloon, jumped on stage to help me.

Frankie is known for two things: doing hard pole tricks extremely slowly (a testament to her abs, biceps, and triceps of titanium. (Yes, titanium. Not steel).), and for being knockout-gorgeous.

Even among other very beautiful girls, Frankie is a standout. From her dyed hair (red, black, and blond), to her huge, green eyes and perfect smooth skin, she is the object of many customers' (and straight dancers'!) affection.

Even I have a stripper-crush on Frankie.

Yes! Please! Teach me pole tricks, oh gorgeous and learned one!

"Try to hang upside down by one leg," she said, gesturing at the pole. "Climb up there and hang on."

Hehe. Yes, ma'am. Okie dokie!

Appreciating the hard core 'alternative' music blaring during this lesson, I pulled myself up to the top of the pole, stretched my legs out, and held on in a pike position, ready for her next instructions. It kind of hurt to hold the pole like that.

"OK. Now let go with your hands and lean back. Squeeze hard. When you're upside down, bend one leg, and hang on with that one," she shouted over the music. "Then extend the other one out to the side."

"OK," I said. "Ah! This is scary!" I didn't want to fall, and anyway, the pole was killing my thighs. "This is going to leave a mark," I whined as I clenched my derrière, unsuccessfully trying to shift some of my weight.

"Let go!" Frankie insisted. "Let go now!"

"Ow," I said, trying to work up the guts. I've fallen before, and it's really not fun from this height.

"Let go and flip upside down!" Champagne (not her real dancer name), another dancer, barked from her seat at the side of the stage.

"OK OK OK! Ow," I said, slowly letting go and arching backward. I felt my weight shift a little between my thighs as I squeezed the pole as hard as I could. "OW. OW."

Frankie and Champagne ignored my complaints.

"OK, now stretch that leg out!" Frankie commanded. She sounded just like my childhood ballet coach. "Shut up and do it!" was his message, day after day.

I snaked one leg around the pole and stretched the other one out, like Frankie said.

Don't fall, don't fall, don't fall...!

I DID IT!

"I did it! I did it!" I yelled from my position. "YAY!"

"Yay!" Frankie and Champagne clapped and cheered, along with two customers who had wandered in with a cooler.

The only problem was how to get out of this position. Hehe!

I looked down at the stage from my position upside down on the pole and stretched my arms toward it, letting my body slide down slowly.

"OW," I said. "OW." The friction between my skin and the pole was killing me.

My finger tips stretched toward the wood floor, and as I slid, I was slowly able to plant my palms firmly on the stage, I freed my leg from the pole and kicked down from a handstand position.

"Whew!" I exclaimed happily. "That was awesome!"

I practiced all my tricks several more times, and even rocked some of the tougher ones when business picked up after 11:00 p.m.

Everything is sore today! But it's OK, because I was productive. I just wish I wasn't out of ibuprofen.

I'll be back for more tonight.

To Be Continued...

P.S. Most girls' customers buy them clothes, shoes, and other gifts, but for me, it's my girlfriends and female customers! So a big thank you to @MeowKitty for dropping by last night, with her fiancé waiting in the car, to give me such a thoughtful gift. You are such a sweetheart and you are hereby commanded not to spend anymore money on me! Save it for law school! See you Saturday.

Below, the Paris toast stamp and my new favorite dance shoes, thanks to MeowKitty. :)

meowkitty_Stripper_Gifts_3-4-2010_003.JPG

meowkitty_Stripper_Gifts_3-4-2010_003.JPG

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  1. AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

    My shoulders, biceps, triceps, and abs are actually more sore than my inner thighs, but I led off with that because culturally speaking, it's *that* soreness that people demand an explanation for. Lol.

  2. AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

    Just added: a thank you to @MeowKitty and a picture of the gifts she brought last night. :)

    No more shopping, lady! But I am keeping both items. :)

  3. misplacedcheesehead (anonymous) says…

    If you wish for your "writing" to show how trashy you are, then hon, you're in the running.
    Denak-where are you???

  4. KansasPerson (anonymous) says…

    Hahahahaha! Pole-dancing boot camp. I'm picturing Frankie and Champagne as drill-instructor types, only... they're dressed in a stripperesque fashion. :)

  5. Succotash (anonymous) says…

    Fun post... Hope it picked up after the game and you made a few bucks. I will have to come in sometime to see the pole tricks.

  6. H_Lecter (anonymous) says…

    Hey, how about those Hawks! It was so nice to finally watch them win an important game without taking it down to the wire. Wish we could get the entire fieldhouse to wear blue and bring all the student seating court-side. It kind of warmed my heart that (obviously students) "adjusted" KS the letters to say KU on the hill outside Manhattan.

  7. denak (anonymous) says…

    "......If you wish for your "writing" to show how trashy you are, then hon, you're in the running.
    Denak-where are you???..."

    Ahhhhhhhhh, I didn't know I was missed. I'm sure "Anna" is happy to see me. You, and Anna, of course, will hve to forgive my absence of late. I have had a lot to deal with at work. Unlike Anna, my job actually consist of something more than just grinding on drunken strangers.

    However, I digress. I think most people are fully aware of what Anna is all about by now. She doesn't mind exploiting horny, naive 18 year old boys if it gets her what she wants (ie money, material things) and she doesn't mind taking gifts from people who are practically strangers. And she will sit there and play coy and insist that nothing is given in return.

    You do have to give "Anna" some credit though. She does have the *wink wink, nudge nudge* writing down pat. She is fully aware that not one guy out there thought of anything other than what is between her "sore thighs" when she wrote that. For all of Anna's assertions that she is an strong willed, educated advocate for the sex industry, Anna continously reduces herself to nothing more than a certain body part.

    Dena

  8. davey (anonymous) says…

    Another excellent post. Don't be deterred by your detractors. Be inspired!

  9. RETICENT_IRREVERENT (Ronaldo Ignacio) says…

    Anna, You damn ear!

  10. AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

    Thanks guys. :)

    Just woke up. Am sore as hell again. Lol.

  11. AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

    @misplacedcheesehead
    Yes, there is a social stigma attached to pole dancing. I did nothing to help create it, and there's nothing I can do about it now. I'm having fun and loving what I do and that's all that matters to me.

    Having done ballet for years, I'm somewhat surprised now that no one ever admonished me for getting out on stage as a minor and leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination.

  12. AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

    @misplacedcheesehead
    ...in a leotard and tights, that is.

  13. AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

    @davey
    Thank you for the encouragement. In the words of @soap: "Haters are your biggest fans."

    Couldn't do this without them.

    @H_Lecter
    Haha, I'll have to find that clip on YouTube.

  14. AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

    @denak
    "..doesn't mind taking gifts from people who are practically strangers..."

    You know who gave me the gifts. It was @MeowKitty. Since she's a user on this site, it's very easy for you to private message her and ask her what our relationship is.

  15. denak (anonymous) says…

    "Anna"

    You may or may not be friends with MeowKitty, I don't know nor do I care. However, you have said in several blogs that you have taken material things from customers. Who do you think you are kidding???? No one, and I do mean no one, gives someone expensive shoes, clothes, etc like the kind you describe and expects nothing in return. You may not be "paying up" now but they will expect it soon enough.

  16. Vic (anonymous) says…

    @denak

    What you are insinuating in your post made me angry. I don't know the motives of the gift giver, but I do know this. Your "holier-than-thou" attitude may have won you fans, but it has made you enemies as well. You like to assume things about Anna, about me, about MeowKitty, about everyone that are not true. Do you give gifts to friends expecting "something" in return? Or are you just assuming that Anna does not or cannot have any real friends? Come down off your high horse and get real. Your post makes assumptions that cross the line.

  17. MeowKitty (anonymous) says…

    @denak
    Honestly, I could care less what you think, but I choose to put myself out here because you have challenged my reputation by saying that I "expect something in return."

    I guess it's time for me to speak for myself. I have known Anna for about a year through mutual friends. I will be honest both with readers on here, and Anna herself, that at first I did think of her as "just another pretty face" so to speak. In fact, some of the first things I said to someone about her was basically just that. I didn't think much about her but this summer our paths continued to cross, we shared many things in common and built quite the friendship. She knows that I don't always agree with some of her choices and vice versa, but what we respect in each other is the ability to accept each others criticisms/advice at face value and move on. Contrary to popular belief, that is how I know she can accept criticism because I often "call her out" I've done it on here, and I do it privately in our own conversations. Also, I do know that she completely breaks the stripper stereotypes as she is one of the smartest people I know (and I choose to associate myself mostly with college graduates and above.) Also, this truly makes her happy. Happier than she was before she began dancing. I guarantee if any reader took the time to really get to know her, she would share her experiences, both good and bad with an honesty that very few show. Also, her professionalism in all senses of the word, is something that I greatly admire about her. Anna is someone who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside and I am glad to call her a friend. As far as "expecting something in return" I expect absolutely nothing in return and I take offense at your inference that I would. I can't speak for others, but I do know that at times there are genuinely giving people, customers, etc. that like giving people things for the joy it brings. Now someone as cold-hearted as you may not know what this experience feels like, but it's pretty awesome to bring joy into someone's life. What difference does it make if Anna was sent a "thank you gift" from a customer in a retail call center, or if it was because she took her clothes off and gave someone an enjoyable experience? Nothing at all. Both are perfectly legal, and receiving thank you gifts in any profession is common practice. Honestly, your jealous nature is getting old, maybe you should send yourself some roses since no one else seems to love you as much as you love yourself :)

  18. beatrice (anonymous) says…

    denak, I actually agree with others on this one. I don't think people who give Anna gifts (or cash for a dance) are actually expecting more later, nor do I believe Anna would give more later. This is because she is giving now. She takes her clothes off for people, she "grinds" on men's laps to simulate sex and arouses women by dancing naked on top of them while fulfilling their lesbian or bisexual fantasies. The customers who are apparently lacking satisfying sexual relationships in their own life are grateful for the service Anna performs. (Not being just critical here, but I ask, would people in happy, fulfilling relationships go to strip clubs?) I'm quite sure some of her customers will feel a form of bond through the gifts, a vicarious connection to "their" stripper. It is much the way Vic must come to Anna's rescue -- that is his connection.

    Besides, it is nice to give people things who provide sexual favors for you, even if those favors don't include an actual climax when both parties are present. (Or are people pretending what Anna does isn't a form of sexual service?)

  19. AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

    @beatrice
    "The customers who are apparently lacking satisfying sexual relationships in their own life are grateful..."

    Please keep in mind that when you generalize about all the customers who come to strip clubs, you're talking about a decent chunk of the men in all of Kansas. I am skeptical that we could argue that all of them are in unsatisfying sexual relationships.

    Also, imagine the number of Kansas men (and women) who watch/look at pornography. Would you make a similar statement about pornography viewers' sex lives?

    I don't think that going to strip clubs or looking at porn is a replacement for a good sex life for most of my customers. I think both activities likely complement whatever a (sexually active) person does with a partner.

  20. beatrice (anonymous) says…

    Anna, I believe you may have just insulted many men in Kansas.

    How many men are there in the near vicinity of the Outhouse? If 100 or so people are at the Outhouse on a given night out of the many thousands of men who could attend, you are looking at a very, very small percentage of the overall population. It is far from a "decent chunk of the men in all of Kansas" as you suggest. (Nor would I say the men themselves are "decent," although I digress.)

    Before I continue, I'm curious, would it be just fine with you and a signal of your happy, loving relationship if your boyfriend started going to the strip club when you weren't there to see a favorite dancer, and if he started giving her presents? As someone in a relationship, how would that sit with you?

    Generally speaking, someone in a happy sexual relationship would not pay someone like yourself to simulate sex on their laps. Why would they? People in strong, loving relationships would be spending their money elsewhere, like on their partner.

    I do find it nteresting that you have just equated your line of work with pornography. Very telling. However, I feel porn and strip clubs are different beasts in that watching porn doesn't involve personal interaction with another human being. Stripping does. There is the banter, the flirting (the salesmanship, as you say), plus you actually take your clothing on and grind on someone's lap to simulate sex - it isn't just a visual sensation like porn.

    When you get right down to it, how many people in happy, loving relationships even go to bars of any kind by themselves on a regular basis, let alone strip clubs? Sure, some do, but most would just as soon go with their partner, wouldn't you agree?

  21. deec (anonymous) says…

    Are you speaking about old-school blue movies, or the kind of interactive porn now readily available online?

  22. beatrice (anonymous) says…

    deec, definitely talking about old school movies, which you still find on dvds that continues to drive the majority of the porn business. Interactive websites, meaning someone is on the other end of a live camera feed responding to requests, is indeed a form of personal interaction without actual human contact.

  23. AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

    @beatrice
    Many of my customers, who are of both genders, are in married or committed relationships. I only rarely hear any of them complain about their partners. My regulars seem to come to me seeking a good time, the thrill of seeing a happy and healthy naked body right in front of them, and some witty repartée.

    It's not unreasonable for people in strong, loving relationships to visit a strip club together or separately. It is also not unreasonable for people in strong, loving relationships to look at/watch pornography together or separately.

    I did not equate stripping with pornography. It is another option anyone can use to complement a healthy sex life, but stripping!=pornography.

  24. AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

    @beatrice
    If you want to know what men who visit strip clubs are like, and you are skeptical of what you read here, you should visit any of the four strip clubs here in Lawrence and see for yourself.

    Re: decency in customers:

    Based on what you insinuate in your comment above, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how normal, polite, and--yes--decent most of them are.

    A minority of customers are occasionally disrespectful to varying degrees, but as a stripper/blogger, almost all of the rudeness and harassment I encounter is from females online.

  25. rantor (anonymous) says…

    What's with putting the @ in front of everyone's name? You know that's what is truly wrong here...inefficiency. Doesn't anyone care about America anymore?

  26. AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

    The market. It wants to see people naked these days.

  27. This comment was removed by the site staff for violation of the usage agreement.

  28. KansasPerson (anonymous) says…

    Oh no! Anna, what did you do to make JK get out the pinking shears? :)

  29. AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

    @KansasPerson
    Hehe. :)

    I flagged it myself. I rethought the propriety of what I said, flagged my comment, and shot him an email letting him know.

  30. thebcman (anonymous) says…

    anna says ...
    blah blah blah ... half attention-whore ..., blah blah blah...
    ================
    We Have A Winner !

  31. amesn (anonymous) says…

    Still planning to get out there sometime to meet ya...started working a additional job 2 weeks ago to supplement and although I haven't been grinding the pole I too am sore :) My opinion on the 'happily ever after means no strip clubs' is...it could add some spice? My gf and I were recent patrons of a male review recently..tons of fun..and still came home only desiring my husband! My husband too has visited clubs with his friends and the funny part is each time he and the strippers have ended up talking about me and he shows them my picture off his phone...and that's that...he's not seeking anything that is lacking at home and while after 3 kids this lady will not be doing any public strip teases..I do know the private ones at home are still a hit!

  32. AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

    @amesn
    "...still came home only desiring my husband."

    :) Yeah. Beauty is nice, but love is what people really want! :)

    If you need any tips on the private dances, PM me for some ideas. :D

Reply 31 comments from Anna Undercover Amesn Thebcman Kansasperson Prolifersforwar and 12 others

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