Anna Undercover: Telling the Secret

Posted by Anna Undercover February 25, 2010 at 7:07 a.m.

Even after about 10 months, the novelty of my job as a stripper has not worn off. I absolutely love it. And the fact that I love it also means I can barely keep it to myself.

I tell the people who ring up my groceries. "Sorry about all the ones!" I say gaily. "I'm a stripper."

My roommates have friends over for poker, and I explain why I can't stay: "Sorry, I have to go get naked with a bunch of strangers!" I grab my stuff and bounce out of the house like a caffeinated bunny.

But telling the people who know me as an obsessive philanthropist, a good student, and passionate ballet dancer is a different story. I hem and haw about telling them or not, all the time.

I was on the phone with Craig, a guy I used to date back in New York, talking about what we'd do when I arrived for this trip. I felt dishonest not really telling him what I was up to.

He was even taking a day off to hang out with me, and I knew I couldn't continue our friendship without sharing this huge part of my life with him. I had to tell him my big secret.

"So, I have something to tell you. I don't know if you're going to like it," I said on the phone.

"Uh, what?" he asked. He told me later he thought I was engaged or something.

"I'm a stripper," I said.

"You know, I'm really not surprised," he said.

"What?" I said. I tried to decide if I was offended. "After working at (a university graduate school), it's a natural step to rip my clothes off for money?!"

I almost wanted him to be shocked.

"Well, I could tell you weren't happy," he said. I worked 7am to 11:00pm too many days. "And I know you're happy now."

As we walked around the Museum of Natural History yesterday, he said: "I wish I had got to meet this Anna, and not the stressed out, mildly insane Anna I dated for a couple months back in 2008," he (pretty much) said.

I was too nervous to tell my buddy Grant, with whom my friend and I stayed, until we were literally standing in his room.

"Um, so, this is awkward," I said. "So, I'm not working in nonprofit management anymore."

"OK," he said.

"I'm, um," I said. "I'm a stripper. We're both strippers. And we're here to work."

"Wow, really?" he said. He picked up a huge glass container of all his change.

"I think this is $30," he said. "Can I have a dance?"

"I don't accept change!"

We laughed. He told me he wasn't surprised either. It's just not shocking information, as it turns out.

"So, what are you doing these days?" one of my best high school girlfriends asked me when I made plans to visit two months ago. We were on the phone.

"Um, I guess I'm kind of writing," I said. "But there's more, and I should tell you in person."

I drove several hours to the Midwestern city she now works in as an ear, nose, and throat doctor.

We sat down at a famous bread store.

"OK, so what do you do?"

I braced for a hugely negative reaction.

"I'm a stripper," I said.

"Omigod!" she said. "Omigod! Wow! Really?"

I laughed and said yes. We took ballet together in high school.

"Omigod, tell me everything!"

She demanded regular email updates.

I need to give my friends more credit. :) When your pals love you, they love you for who you are! Not how you rake in the cash.

And besides: If people think you're a bad person for doing something legal and, apparently, safer than it seems, are they really worth the anxiety and worry?

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Soap (anonymous) says…

ap stylebook says "omigod"
February 25, 2010 at 7:18 a.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@Soap I will fix it. :) Thanks. Lol.
February 25, 2010 at 7:21 a.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

Fixed. :) And I found another typo that I took care of. Thanks Soap.
February 25, 2010 at 7:47 a.m.
Succotash (anonymous) says…

Actually not that surprised by the responses. Dancing like a number of jobs has a certain appeal to it. It is forbidden, but not illegal. Kind of dangerous, but not suicidal. It has a glamor to it that is appealing to a lot of people. The problem is almost everyone has some body image issues and they are not brave enough to cross that line. I have known a lot of girls that say they would be strippers if they were more attractive/lost a few pounds/had bigger boobs. The idea that you can make money based on people finding you attractive has a strong appeal. It is something everyone kind of dreams of.

It says some things to guys too. Says you are adventurous and have a sexy wild side. To some it says some bad things too, but to your friends it is easy to separate the stereotypes from the real you.

Anyway glad it went over well.
February 25, 2010 at 8 a.m.
Vic (anonymous) says…

It's interesting to hear how people who knew you before you became "Anna, Mistress of Fantasy" and what they think about what you are doing now. More wonderful insight.
February 25, 2010 at 8:08 a.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@Succotash
If I was going to recruit dancers, I would ask you to open up your little black book and hook me up with these would-be strippers so I could tell them that you don't need (to think you have) a perfect body to be a dancer. I've never had a confidence problem, but getting naked on a stage made it even more bullet-proof than it was before. It might be a good exercise for them. Learning to see yourself as beautiful--even if through the eyes of others--might be a healthy thing for some women with confidence problems.

Haha, I think having this job is definitely appealing to others in that it communicates a sexy wild side. I have confirmation from Grant that it's partly cool because it means there's an outside chance that I might, at any moment, suddenly be naked. :) Even if unprovoked. (I will tell him he can keep dreaming unless he shows up to the Outhouse).

@Vic
:) I'll try to get Craig to share some thoughts on here. I'm a little scared of all the secrets Grant would tell. Unfortunately, my girlfriend who's now a doctor likely doesn't have time to comment. So sad! She's one of the brightest, most wonderful people I know. Love her to pieces.
February 25, 2010 at 8:17 a.m.
kiklu (anonymous) says…

I'm glad you've been able to tell some of your friends what you do now. :) That's great!
February 25, 2010 at 8:59 a.m.
grammaddy (anonymous) says…

Those of us with "body issues" are living vicariously through you.I've had a few close "stripper" friends in my day but never had the intestinal fortitude to give it a try myself. Always envied girls (women) like you. Thank you Anna!
February 25, 2010 at 9:38 a.m.
gatekeeper (anonymous) says…

If I were a cashier at the grocery store, I wouldn't want to get your $1 bills. That's just nasty. Wouldn't it be smart to trade all those one's in at the bank for larger bills?
February 25, 2010 at 9:58 a.m.
Succotash (anonymous) says…

You think the grocery store cashier gets them all? I bet you would have a hard time finding any 1$ bill that hasn't passed through a strip club. Its kind of like cocaine on hundred dollar bills. Probably not as disgusting as the old frontier birth control where prostitutes of the old west would use silver dollars as make shift diaphragms (which may have partially worked due to raising the acidity). Then when the church ladies came by looking for donations the prostitutes would give them those used silver dollars. Do we ever get sidetracked on this blog.

@Anna
Do I have to open my black book? I think you could go up to almost any girl you meet and she would have had the same thoughts at one time or another. At the same time they fear confirming their own self image doubts about as much as they do the social pressures of their friends and family. A lot of women think about, that is why so many end up in wet tshirt contests and girls gone wild videos. When you add some alcohol with an opportunity a lot of women will give it a try. Also why you are seeing so many women coming into strip clubs. Not so much for their Bi tendencies as it is for the thrill of showing their tits to a crowd in a secure non judgmental environment. The whole exhibitionist experience is an ego boost to a number of women and gives them a positive body image due to the crowds response.
February 25, 2010 at 10:30 a.m.
WillNYC (anonymous) says…

You know. Every few days we google the name of our restaurant to see what new items have been written, any blogs etc... Today: your blog came up. Funny thing. I remember the two of you. Sat in the middle of the communal table celebrating a birthday... You said you were dancers, I thought julliard...

However, on this snowy horrible day, I found your blog to be very entertaining and warm. And I'm glad you and your friend enjoyed your lunch.
Cheers.

PS: starbucks is alright on the UES (theyre all between 2nd and 3rd avs) But you really should drop by sicaffe btwn 70 and 71 on lex.
February 25, 2010 at 1:08 p.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@kiklu
Me, too. To my great relief. I'm going to write about it at some point, but knowing that eventually I *will* have to tell my high school classmates has been a source of significant stress.

@grammaddy
Thanks! :) Maybe I should establish some kind of naked Upward Bound-type organization. Lead women to higher self-esteem and a better body image.

@gatekeeper
It sounds like your imagination is wilder than my reality regarding how I accept those Washingtons. (In case you're wondering, I've never even been asked to do something gross with US tender). Also, remember, I'm generally a creature of the *night,* so it's not possible to get to a bank when I do my grocery shopping.

@Succotash
The whole Girls Gone Wild thing makes me livid. This company goes into bars and essentially convince the girls to be porn stars and then "pay" them in t-shirts, hats, and underwear. Then they make millions and millions and throw these girls' faces up on billboards all over the world and they don't see a dime when they are quite obviously highly marketable in that industry.

@WillNYC
We *loved* Fig + Olive. You guys were amazing to us, and the food was absolutely unbelievable, as usual. It was a great birthday for my girlfriend; I've never seen her so thrilled! We had such a wonderful time and the two of us, plus a few more people, will be back when we visit again in July.

I always recommend you when asked. And when not asked. :)

Also, am very flattered that you found and commented on the blog. :)
February 25, 2010 at 3:49 p.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@WillNYC
Also, thanks for the UES Starbucks tips! :) Haha, I'll just head further east next time. This go around, I found what I was looking for at the Barnes and Noble. (Which I think you likely inferred via the tweet). :)
February 25, 2010 at 3:51 p.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@grammaddy
Here's my first recommendation as a professional self-esteem helper:

Put on your favorite music, your favorite and most flattering underwear, and dance in front of a mirror. :D

:) Let me know if you do it!
February 25, 2010 at 3:56 p.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@TomShewmon
To repeat what I said to another poster on the same subject in this comments section, your imagination is wilder than my reality.
February 25, 2010 at 5:04 p.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@TomShewmon
But I guess I should allow for all the dirty things that *you* do with your tips. :)

I'll continue using my warm vanilla sugar-scented sanitizer. With you in mind, from this point forward.
February 25, 2010 at 5:08 p.m.
Wreck (anonymous) says…

Hey, everyone

I am the Craig that Anna refers to in her post. I know she has taken a lot of abuse from people on this website (and also has received a lot of support). She was showing me many of those posts when we were together yesterday and I could not believe the number of self-righteous, judgmental jerks out there who have nothing better to do than to attack someone just because she has a different set of values. You know nothing about her and you all can shove it.

As she mentioned, Anna and I dated when she was pretty much at her bottom. I think she will fully admit that no one, including her closest friends and family, saw just how bad a shape emotionally she was in more than I did. This was entirely due to the stress caused by her job. It is the furthest thing possible from an exaggeration when I tell you that she was on the verge of a complete nervous breakdown and could not have possibly continued on the path she was on. If she did, she would have been dead of a heart attack by the age of 40. I am not kidding.

So when we spoke on the phone for the first time in months in January (we kept in touch over email and text) and she told me what she was doing, I could hear something in her voice I had heard VERY rarely before....happiness. And optimism. I couldn't care less about what she was now doing for a living (as long as it as legal), having heard the new (and very welcome) tone in her voice. All that mattered was that my friend was as emotionally healthy as I had ever heard her, something that I honestly did not believe was possible. And then when we hung out together a couple times this past week, it was even more obvious how great a state of mind she is in. I even told her that I felt cheated that I didn't get to date this anna. i feel like she has literally added 40 years to her life.

So, for all of you judging her and projecting YOUR own beliefs and standards upon her, RELAX (I would have much stronger words, but don't want to get banned from the site by my first post). You can't possibly comprehend the entire situation. The old saying about never judging someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes very much applies here. I am relieved to know that my friend has found something that has her in the state that she is in, and am proud of her in every way.

She has my full support and deserves yours, too.
February 25, 2010 at 10:50 p.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@Wreck
You are one of the best friends I've ever had. Thanks for being there for me when things were so tough and work was my life in the worst way possible.

Just to say it again, I'm sorry you had to deal with my crap when I was a basket case. I really gave it to you, and you didn't abandon me, no matter WHAT happened. You will never know how much your loyalty means to me.

I hope you never hit your emotional rock bottom like I did, but if you do, I will be there for you just like you were there for me. And I know you know that.

::Internet hug::

See you in July when I come back with Joe (and the hottie) for Maggie's wedding.

:)
February 25, 2010 at 11:18 p.m.
tvc (anonymous) says…

She does not deserve our support. She is getting naked for money…not serving in the armed forces.
February 25, 2010 at 11:45 p.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@tvc
I know. Damn me to hell for using what I've got to make it in this world.

It's always a shame when a pretty, smart woman does the math and makes the choice that will pad her bank account, send her future children to private school, and enable her to start her own business and go to law school if she wants.
February 25, 2010 at 11:49 p.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@tvc
And if she *likes* getting naked for money--well, that's just a scandal.

Quick! A woman enjoying herself naked and making money off it! Call the gender role police and put her in her place.
February 25, 2010 at 11:53 p.m.
nudist (anonymous) says…

Hey, Look at me everybody...Look at me... Look at me!
You'd think some people had never been naked before.
February 26, 2010 at 12:19 a.m.
thebcman (anonymous) says…

what's your problem with public schools?
the kids in private schools will make fun of your kids just the same.
February 26, 2010 at 12:25 a.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@nudist
The way you comment, you'd think some people had never seen a blog before.

It is, by definition, a kind of outlet for narcissism. Luckily, you get to click on and comment on these outlets, all by yourself.

You click on it, you comment on it, you vote yes on it.

You knew where your backbutton was when this page loaded. You're here because you want to be.
February 26, 2010 at 12:25 a.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@thebcman
No problem with public schooling here. I prefer, for my own kids, to have more control over what kind of education they receive. I also prefer the schools I went to, and the ones like them. :) I'm a self-centered elitist. But at least I know it.
February 26, 2010 at 12:27 a.m.
tubs_of_love (anonymous) says…

@Anna - I know you've heard this before, but you're parents, where's their reaction? I just think it would be interesting, thats all. The stripper that I was talking about before, told her mom she was a waitress at a bar and grill. It had a bar I guess. It just seems to me that working as a stripper leads to lying as part of the job. Lying to customers, lying to family, lying to boyfriends, perhaps even lying to oneself, however, I'm not saying every stripper is a liar, just the ones I've known. I guess you could call them white lies.
February 26, 2010 at 1:20 a.m.
nudist (anonymous) says…

are you suggesting I should not make comments?
Sweetie, elitist would be a dream for you.
How's that 401K plan working?
February 26, 2010 at 1:32 a.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@tubs_of_love
Your comment suggests that you are not curious about strippers and the subject of this entry or even this blog; rather, you are masturbating your keen interest the sexist imperative that women continue from girlhood through adulthood as the Girl Scouts you'd prefer them to be.

I find your question uninteresting. Please bring questions like this to the women's studies department at your favorite university and let someone else rub their forehead in response to your boring sexism.

Not that this will really penetrate the rubber exterior of your skull, but please know that I tire of the occasional commenter who insists that I need to contemplate and then reconcile my choice profession with some kind of imagined chaperone.
February 26, 2010 at 1:47 a.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@nudist
Your question suggests two things:

You are not self-employed.

You do not have a firm grip on the best way for someone who was born in the 80s to plan their retirement.

So you get to wonder and/or educate yourself. :) Have fun with that.
February 26, 2010 at 1:50 a.m.
tvc (anonymous) says…

I did not damn you to hell or any other mythical place. I said you are not a freaking hero.

I like being naked too! The problem with your job is you have to get naked and be sexual with people you are not sexually attracted to. My sexuality is not for sale, and I will not cheapen it for a couple of dirty ones.
February 26, 2010 at 8:33 a.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@tvc
Hmm. Point taken, but my health-related advice to you is that while under-valuing your sexuality is a negative thing (and it appears we measure that differently), over-valuing it is, also.
February 26, 2010 at 8:38 a.m.
tvc (anonymous) says…

It is a sign of desperation when you begin to auction off pieces of yourself. I have not decided my going rate because I have not been desperate enough to start looking for buyers.
February 26, 2010 at 8:54 a.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@tvc
Lol what exactly am I "auctioning off?" What are these loose "pieces of myself" and you most certainly are looking for a buyer if you sell your time in any way, dearest.

I was nearly prepared for a reasonable discussion, but please, do go ahead.
February 26, 2010 at 9:08 a.m.
tvc (anonymous) says…

You are right; I am auctioning off my time. Maybe you are more flippant about your sexuality. My sexuality is a part of me…it is both mind/spiritual and body. I give my time to people worthy of it. I also sell my time to feed and clothe myself and the people I give my time to. I share my sexuality with people that are worthy of it. You have decided to sell and give yours. I am stating that I am not desperate enough to start selling that part of me.

Calling me dearest is annoying and sexist.
February 26, 2010 at 9:29 a.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@tvc
Point taken.
February 26, 2010 at 9:34 a.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@tvc
I should, however, tell you that using the word 'desperate' is only weakly applicable in my case, though.
February 26, 2010 at 9:41 a.m.
tubs_of_love (anonymous) says…

@Anna - I like reading you're entries, mainly for the commenters circus that follows, so yes, I want to be here. As far as me being curious about strippers, lets face it, there's not all that much to be curious about. You just love yourself and you're world. Diva B.S. I do not appreciate diva wannabe's and thats why I prefer my girl scouts over you.

So, my question is uninteresting and boring is it? Maybe thats just you're way of getting around my question. I know you don't want to answer it, it would make you look bad. When you go to you're sisters wedding, maybe tell you're family you're secret and post about what they say. You won't. Where do they think you work? Are you in fact, a liar?
February 26, 2010 at 5:35 p.m.
AnnaUndercover (Anna Undercover) says…

@tubs_of_love
More masturbation. You're a sexist bully who needs to get out more. Go ahead, find out if I'm lying. About anything. You know where to find me.
February 26, 2010 at 5:46 p.m.