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What is the worst sick day excuse you have ever heard?

Asked at Borders, 700 N.H. on July 27, 2005

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Photo of Kelly Oliver

“Probably when someone makes up a death in their family. It usually comes back to bite them.”

Photo of Linda Lawrence

“Another teacher once took a mental health day to go shopping. She just took a sick day because she was sick of kids.”

Photo of Todd Segraves

“The worst would be that they couldn’t come in because they were hung over. They didn’t get fired, but the boss definitely gave them a talking to.”

Photo of Richard Peterson

“Somebody said they had Ebola. They didn’t have it, but it worked.”

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GreenEyedBlues 12 years, 10 months ago

My clumsy guests tripped over the bucket at a party & my dog ate the pickled foot.

Richard Heckler 12 years, 10 months ago

Your responses are ridiculous yet quite fitting for the question of the day. I see no reason why this pattern should not carry should be a good day for humor.

GreenEyedBlues 12 years, 10 months ago

I have a friend who woke up one morning and was NOT in the mood to go to work.

Her alarm was set to the radio instead of the beeping. The song that happened to wake her up that morning was Foreigner's "Hot Blooded". I kid you not, the girl called in and told her boss she had a fever of 103°.

Luckily her boss wasn't too bright. I'm no doctor, but wouldn't someone with that high of a temp be better off seeking medical attention?

Most often, telling your boss of any gastrointestinal trauma tends to work beautifully. Nobody wants to employees with the runs working that day, and whatever is ailing them will be gone within 24 hours... ;) So next time, blame it on El Mez and relax!

massst 12 years, 10 months ago

aaawww im so sorry i thought it was sunday.

KU_Grad_But_Hates_KU 12 years, 10 months ago

I think the person who came up with this question should have made up an excuse and stayed at home. Something like - I have to catch up on current events so I can do my job better.

grilled_cheese 12 years, 10 months ago

This is really quite funny. I was thinking about taking half a sick day, but I am not sure if my ailment is up to the job of getting me out of work. I was hoping some excuse would pop into my head, but now I can just take straight from here~!

lovely1 12 years, 10 months ago

my husband's sick and so are the 3 kids....

John Spencer 12 years, 10 months ago

I once called in and said a homeless guy was in my car and would not get out, so I had to wait for the police to arrive and remove him.

Jayhawk226 12 years, 10 months ago

Fred Phelps is protesting outside my house and I can't get outta the driveway...

happyone 12 years, 10 months ago

I myself don't have any stand-by excuses. However, I was a manager of a restraunt here in town and heard some good ones: 1. I have a flat tire and don't know how to change it, I have to wait for my dad to get off work

  1. I didn't realize what time it was and I'm still in KC so I won't be able to come in

  2. I just realized I am supposed to be at work but I'm drunk.

  3. My roomate took my car so I can't get there.

  4. I think I have alcohol poisoning I've been puking all night

  5. I have REALLY bad cramps and can't come in

Those are some of them. I'll think on it and type some more.

neopolss 12 years, 10 months ago

Actually, cramps can be truly miserable.

happyone 12 years, 10 months ago

Neo-- keep in mind I let all that called in stay home because if they didn't want to be there in the first place they wouldn't work hard. Also it was a PIZZA Place, so there were some good ones from the drivers as well

  1. I wrecked my car I can't come in tonight (the next day the car was fine-unwrecked)

  2. I don't have enough gas to make deliveries tonight

  3. I took my car in for a tune up and they have to keep it overnight

  4. I fell dancing last night and messed up my ankle I can't walk so I can't deliver

  5. My parents are in town and I'm not supposed to be delivering with their car so I can't come in

These are just a few :)

Fangorn 12 years, 10 months ago

I had a staff member once who lost at least three or four grandmothers in one year. HR actually beefed up our policy and required employees to bring in a rememberance card from the funeral before they could receive the bereavement pay.

I once threw up while I had my supervisor on the phone to tell him I was ill. I tried to hang up but wasn't quick enough. When I called back, I didn't even have to ask for the day off.

GEB: A 103 degree fever is kind of borderline. If it lasts more than a few hours, the person should seek medical attention. If the fever's any higher, they shouldn't wait. (btw, 5:02?! Already up or still up?)

Fangorn 12 years, 10 months ago

Linda Lawrence is the wife of David Lawrence, the Jayhawk football commentator. I didn't realize she had retired. And since I used to work with her, I wonder who it was that was "sick of kids"?

acg 12 years, 10 months ago

When I was supervising waitresses I had a gal call once to tell me she thought she was coming down with the bubonic plague. It was such an original excuse I wasn't even mad at her. My boss and I are pretty good friends, luckily for me, so I call him with BS excuses all the time. It's almost like a game--the unbelievable excuse game. Things like "dude, I can't come in today I got the hanta virus" or "man I think I have anthrax poisoning" or "my dog is in labor" but then the next day "it was a false pregnancy". I'm so glad he doesn't care if I call in or I would've been fired years ago, I'm sure. :) Oh and Neo-my rabbit got stuck? That was awesome!!

Linda Aikins 12 years, 10 months ago

Aunt Flo is in town again and she's kicking my a$$. (women only). Usually anything female-health-related will stop any inquiries.

beatrice 12 years, 10 months ago

extreme_m: Gold Star! Current, local, very funny, and brief. I won't even try to top it.

tell_it_like_it_is 12 years, 10 months ago

One of my co-workers just missed 2 weeks because her son had poisin ivy. She got away with the too. I'll be damned if I know how.

BunE 12 years, 10 months ago

I feel.. like my gonna bust open.

Centrist 12 years, 10 months ago

The foot excuse only works if you have a j.o.b smirk

muffaletta 12 years, 10 months ago

I work every Sunday as a singer in a church ... a couple of years ago, one of the tenors didn't show up. His excuse? He thought it was Saturday.

We laughed for a long time about that one.

kidster 12 years, 10 months ago

I really did have to miss for two days because I had an alergic reaction to chigger bites. 100's of chigger bites.

megorama 12 years, 10 months ago

The smart person would go the premeditated route. The day before you call in sick you MUST cough, sneeze, complain of headache, rub your throat and don't smile (that's easy for most people at work)...the call in the next morning is MUCH easier!!!

Staci Dark Simpson 12 years, 10 months ago

how bout the infamous my alarm clock didn't go off? Yeah it doesn't usually go off when you don't set it!!! My friend calls in if her dog has diarrhea, it works for her. Jhawk- Fred phelps in the driveway isn't a good excuse, run over his a$$!!

megorama 12 years, 10 months ago

Good one Bob...let them tell you to go home, even better than calling in.


raven 12 years, 10 months ago

Bob-I had a similar experience one time. I took full advantage too, however after I was told I did not look well or looked sick however it was phrased-I took the opportunity to tell my boss HE didn't look so hot either. Since I was healthy I was slightly offended.

My boss had a good sense of humor and we had a good laugh about it. I still called in the next day!

beatrice 12 years, 10 months ago

Fangorn, ever call in faking dutch-elm disease? :)

Lib_ee12 12 years, 10 months ago

Temporary insanity. I should be fine in a week, I think I can manage the voices by then.

teach1reach1 12 years, 10 months ago

Just tell them you have "anal glaucoma"..."I can't see my behind coming in today!" (I wish I remembered the whole joke that came from.)

John Spencer 12 years, 10 months ago

A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I have a case of Anal Glaucoma," she says in a weak voice.

He asks: "What the hell is Anal Glaucoma?"

She responds: "I can't see my a$$ coming into work today."

Ceallach 12 years, 10 months ago

If you can't check in early you miss all the good stuff around here! I can't believe lonely_guy got the axe. He usually walks the razor's edge very well :) Must have been exceptionally lonely today. Sorry, l_g.

Many years ago I worked in an otherwise all male environment for a concrete company. If I started complaining about any feminine discomfort, hands went up, heads started shaking, and the boss always said, "no need to go into that, just go home until your feel better." They were really a sweet bunch of guys. Big tough bruisers that had the biggest hearts in the world. (Thankfully the boss didn't keep track of how many times a month I had discomfort :)

im_a_lonely_guy 12 years, 10 months ago

No, not really, Ceallach. I'm not any more lonely today than I am most days.

Libcon 12 years, 10 months ago

Happyone, which pizza place did you work at

allaboutfamily 12 years, 10 months ago

My husband REALLY does call in 'my wife is sick, and I have to stay home with the kids / or I have to help her! Hope they believe him next time, 'cuz it has ALWAYS been the truth. I get migraines to the point of non-functioning about once a year, and when I get sick, I am so sick, I can't take care of myself, let alone three kids, so hope his boss believes him! We ARE telling the truth!!! HONEST!!!! Wish we weren't!!!.....but it wasn't an excuse!

lovely1 12 years, 10 months ago

sorry, i did not mean it was a bad excuse... u know where my head was at 809 this morning! :(

grilled_cheese 12 years, 10 months ago

Well, I told my boss I was "weak, shakey, and naseous". She told me to go home. I told her I could take work home with me. She said no.

And I just woke up from my four hour nap. :)

neopolss 12 years, 10 months ago

The city commissioners banned me from going to work...

Ben_Meover 12 years, 10 months ago

This comment was removed by the site staff for violation of the usage agreement.

Ann_Plowme 12 years, 10 months ago

TOB, I agree with your overall assessment of Ben.

So put down for twenty dollars that says Ben gets canned in no more than five posts! Thank you, my new friend!

Whedons1227 12 years, 10 months ago

I am a newly promoted supervisor at my job and in the past week I have had so many people call in sick. The best one was when her son had a sun burn. For 3 days. There have been instances when I have called in with the excuse, my daughter wants her Mommy and won't stop crying when I leave. Daddy just can't handle her when she's like that. It works, and it's the borderline truth.

happyone 12 years, 10 months ago

Geez you leave for awhile and half the comments are removed. What did I miss??

Ben_Meover 12 years, 10 months ago

I didn't think there was anything vulgar about my post, Tom.

Ann_Plowme 12 years, 10 months ago

Well, maybe you didn't say anything bad today, Ben! But it's like one of the Bob's said said's only a matter of time before a guy like you gets the "permanent boot", you dirty little dog, you!!

Ceallach 12 years, 10 months ago

NASA Grounds Future Shuttle Flights Over Foam Debris Wednesday, July 27, 2005

SPACE CENTER, Houston - In an astonishing setback for the shuttle program, NASA on Wednesday grounded future flights because the foam debris that led to the Columbia disaster still poses a risk to space missions.

See, thoseDP better stay out of space until the aliens come back and give them more technology. Apparently they've forgotten or lost the notebooks they made during the manned moon landing. I'm beginning to think my g'ma was right, she never did believe men actually walked on the moon, swore it was a Hollywood trick :) Hmmm, who controlled congress at that time?

Ceallach 12 years, 10 months ago

beatrice: last evening during one of the board's silly periods (we pretend those periods are rare :) TOB commented about the space program seeming to be working in reverse (perfecting laps around Earth after landing on the moon). I was considering the possibility that aliens visit our planet periodically and voile great things happen, things that somehow never seem to be able to happen again. Things such as pyramids and landing on the moon. That's all it was, just fun.

I just threw the congress ditty in for you and one_more_bob :)

lonelywind 12 years, 10 months ago

I had a supervisor several years ago who laughed every time he repeated the tale about one of his employees, who called in one morning and said she couldn't come to work because she didn't have any clean underwear!

And I can also remember when I was a group lead, I had a guy call in because he had been out in the sun the night before, and the tops of his feet were sunburned, so he couldn't put on shoes.

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