“He’s gonna get me one way or the other,” a domestic violence victim said Thursday.

“Rachael,” who requested her real name not be used because of safety concerns, met a man online two years ago who she said has been harassing and stalking her since their breakup months ago. She has seen him following her at grocery stores, cruising by her home and even stopping by her place of work.

“He’s always right behind me,” Rachael said. “I see him all the time.”

Rachael can’t sleep at night. She keeps a switchblade and teargas in her glove compartment. At home, she’s never too far from a baseball bat or her shotgun. She’s spent thousands in lawyer fees to obtain protection from stalking orders.

Still, she said, she feels “helpless.”

“I would rather have him beat the (expletive) out of me and be done,” Rachael said. “I feel like a sitting target. What’s next?”

She said her abuser has broken into her house and left her messages inside. He’s reported untrue allegations about her to police, Social Services and her employer, all of which authorities determined to be false. She lost her job, has had her car searched by police, and Child Protective Services has investigated her home following the incidents.

“He is systematically ruining my life,” Rachael said.

One of many

Rachael’s story is not uncommon, Willow Domestic Violence Center Community Engagement Director Kristine Chapman said. Domestic violence takes on many forms. Though Rachael doesn’t have a black eye to prove her abuse, she and many other domestic violence sufferers in our community live in constant fear under the threat of, “What’s next?”

“Especially when it comes to stalking; there are not a lot of laws on the books when it comes to identifying and labeling stalking,” Chapman said. “Often in the legal system, the only act considered domestic violence is the physical. The emotional and psychological aspects are left out.”

And sometimes, Chapman said, abusers use the legal system itself to harass victims. For example, in court during a hearing on Rachael’s protection from stalking order, Rachael’s abuser had the chance to question her on the stand.

“I had to sit on the witness stand as he said I do drugs and have crazy sex, in front of my dad (in the courtroom),” Rachael said. “It’s not true. It was really traumatic.”

Willow provides court advocates during these hearings as emotional support, but Rachael said she wasn’t aware of the organization at the time.

All around us

Last Thursday marked the start of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and Chapman said it’s a good opportunity for Lawrence residents to recognize it isn’t an “out there” problem; it’s happening every day right here in this community.

In the 2014-2015 year alone, Chapman said, Willow, which services Douglas, Jefferson and Franklin counties, has:

• Housed 147 adults and 87 children escaping domestic abuse.

• Taken 3,645 calls on its domestic violence hotline.

• Helped 484 adults and families in support groups, court advocacy services, work programs and other programming.

• Aided 42 victims of human trafficking, including five youths, in finding freedom and safety.

Domestic violence reports are among the most prevalent types of calls Lawrence police respond to on any given day. On average, three to seven domestic violence reports appear on the Lawrence Police Department’s 911 call log per day.

And those numbers add up quickly. According to the most recent report by the Kansas Bureau of Investigation, in 2013, Douglas County had 1,071 incidents of domestic violence reported to law enforcement, yielding 733 arrests.

Compare that with the city of Olathe — which at about 126,000 residents has the closest population to Douglas County’s approximate 114,000, according to 2013 U.S. Census data — and Douglas County still ranks higher. Olathe police reported 830 domestic violence incidents and 370 arrests.

Statewide in 2013, a domestic violence incident occurred every 22 minutes, and a domestic violence homicide occurred every 12 days, according to the KBI report.

Fatal consequences

While Rachael’s story is not uncommon, physical violence is also prevalent, Chapman said, and sometimes the consequences can be fatal. Chapman was working as a 911 dispatcher the night of July 3, 2008, when Kansas University law student Jana Mackey was discovered dead in the Lawrence home of her ex-boyfriend, Adolfo Garcia-Nunez. He’d killed her about two weeks after the two had broken up.

“I will always carry the memory of that day with me,” Chapman said. “Lawrence went five years without a homicide after that tragedy. But in the past two to three years, I have lost count of how many homicides the city has experienced, and the majority of those are domestic violence-related.”

Among them are Margaret Hopkins, whose husband shot her in what he claimed was a mercy killing in November 2013; Wayne Francisco, whose girlfriend stabbed him to death on Christmas Day 2013; and Harold Sasko, whose roommate, Sarah McLinn, nearly decapitated him in January 2014. This past June, the wife of Super 8 motel owner Navinkumar Patel survived a stabbing attack; Patel is now charged with attempted first-degree murder.

A helping hand

It doesn’t have to go that far. Willow offers services and a listening ear to those in crisis. But Willow is careful not to tell victims what to do, as Executive Director Joan Schultz said: “Everyone is an expert in their own lives.” She said although some people may ask why victims “don’t just leave,” it’s just not that simple.

“The most dangerous time for a domestic violence victim is when the person leaves and the two weeks after,” Schultz said.

Chapman, who said Willow’s shelter is typically at capacity, said that’s when about 80 to 85 percent of domestic violence deaths occur.

Willow instead is committed to helping victims make their own choices, offering any assistance it can. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, reach out for help. Willow in Lawrence has a 24/7 hotline at 1-800-770-3030 or 843-3333.