Dear Dr. Wes & Kyra:

I’m tired of how my dad is acting at my softball games. He yells at my coach and the umpires and even other kids on opposing teams. It’s embarrassing and bad sportsmanship. My coach hates him. We’re just kids and not the Royals.

Kyra: When my younger brother was 4, he played basketball through parks and rec. Even though half the team was doing cartwheels and running in circles on the wrong side of the court, there were still parents acting the way you’re describing. Those kids were about the furthest you could get from professional athletes, but in their parents’ eyes, each game seemed more important than an NBA championship.

Dr. Wes Crenshaw and Kyra Haas

In addressing the situation with your dad, it’s important to realize he probably sees his behavior as fiercely supportive; doing everything in his power to make sure that the umpire is fair to you and that your coach leads the team brilliantly — or at least how your dad conceives brilliance. Because this vocal participation has become his way of showing he cares, asking him to stop will probably be received negatively and with hurt feelings. So, tread carefully and don’t expect your dad to take your words with a grateful nod.

In starting this conversation, choose a time in the off-season, or at least a few days after the most recent game. Thank him for his unwavering support, and then gently transition into asking him to tone things down. Avoid phrases like “you embarrass me when…” or “my coach hates it when you…” Instead, explain that you would love it if he focused his attention and enthusiasm on cheering you on rather than critiquing your coach, the other players or the umpire.

Finally, acknowledge that not all of the umpire’s calls are fair and not all of the kids on opposing teams play cleanly, but that you care more about having fun than getting technical or combative. It may take your dad a few games to get used to this approach, but hopefully he can reach the same level of good sporting behavior you’re showing in your letter.

Wes: Since Kyra did such a nice job with the soft-side approach to your dad, I feel free to be a little tougher with him and the many other parents (and even some coaches) who act as you describe. You could just clip this article or text the link to your dad without pointing out that you were the letter writer and ask him to give it some consideration.

As anyone who’s ever attended a youth sporting event knows, acting out adults are the bane of any game. Even with a PhD and 23 years of experience, I still don’t get why anyone is so lacking in self-awareness that they can’t see how rude and childish such behavior is or how much it embarrasses their children and disadvantages them in their peer group.

When video went from a big production requiring lenses and gadget bags to something everyone did with an iPhone or Android, I thought things might improve as sports bullies saw and heard their own antics on camera, or in recent years on YouTube and Vine. Apparently, that’s not the case. In the heat of these supposedly life-changing big games, they just can’t hear their own voices or see their mannerisms as any different from anyone else’s.

Back in the day, my wife and I were surrogate parents for a NCAA D-1 athlete who lived far from her real family and who appreciated some local kinship. What I witnessed as a locker-room door “parent” I will never forget, nor can I repeat it here, except to say that it was, moment to moment, even worse than you describe, and it took a terrific toll on our young friend and her peers. I would not do it again and I know our friend would not either.

Ask your dad if his goal is to support you through a lifetime of valuable athletic competition, health and exercise or to sour you to the whole experience and make you want to quit in frustration and disgust. If, as Kyra suggests, he wants the former, he should tone it down as fast possible, lest he end up like so many parents I’ve met, bringing about the latter.

Wes Crenshaw, Ph.D., ABPP, is author of “I Always Want to Be Where I’m Not: Successful Living with ADD & ADHD.” Learn about his writing and practice at dr-wes.com. Kyra Haas is a Free State High School senior who blogs at justfreakinghaasome.wordpress.com. Send your confidential 200-word question to ask@dr-wes.com. Double Take opinions and advice are not a substitute for psychological services.