Musings during massacre

The Alcorn State basketball team shouldn’t feel too bad. After all, even Tiger Woods couldn’t defeat an unbeaten opponent.

And Tiger shouldn’t feel so bad about his facial lacerations. My eyes are bleeding from watching No. 1 Kansas spank Alcorn State, 98-31, in front of 16,300 witnesses. Going into the game, Alcorn State was ranked 347 out of 347 in the best of the computer rankings, the Sagarin predictor.

Then again, if not for that 36-0 run Kansas went on, it would have been only a 31-point game.

What’s a basketball fan to do when watching such a massacre?

Scour the Internet for Tiger Woods jokes.

Why did Tiger crash into a tree and a fire hydrant? He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

What’s the difference between an Escalade and a wedge? Tiger can back up a wedge.

What’s the difference between a golf ball and an Escalade? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.

What were Tiger and Elin doing up at 2:30 a.m.? They were out clubbin’.

That got old after a while, so it was back to doing what has occupied most of my time for the past two weeks: answering questions about the Kansas football coaching situation.

Do you think Mark Mangino will be back next year?

No way.

When is the 21 days up?

The clock on 21 days hasn’t started ticking. If Kansas fires him with cause — which means it tries not to pay him any of the $6.6 million he has coming — Mangino has 21 days to appeal that ruling. A three-person panel is chosen — one person chose by the chancellor (with the help of athletic director Lew Perkins), one by Mangino, one the two parties agree upon (good luck finding that person).

So Mangino would still be the coach for those 21 days?

No. He would be appealing the “with cause” portion of the firing, not the firing itself.

When do you think the clock will start ticking on the 21 days?

My best guess is it won’t ever come to that. The two parties will agree on a portion of the $6.6 million, and the announcement will be made that Mangino resigned or was fired. Part of the agreement will be that no details of the Lori Williams Report will be released.

How much money do you think Mangino will get in lieu of a gold watch?

Pure guess: more than half the $6.6 million his contract says he has coming.

Is Perkins going to Los Angeles with the basketball team for the game against what’s left of UCLA?

No. Associate athletic director Larry Keating will make the trip.

Can you name a good fit to replace Mangino?

No. That wouldn’t be classy. Mangino’s still the coach.

You have ice cream stains all over your tie, and you’re talking to me about classy?

Fair Point. Houston’s Kevin Sumlin.

How soon will a new coach be named?

Depends on whether the new coach is in a bowl game and insists on coaching in it.

Wouldn’t every potential candidate be coaching in a bowl game?

Not necessarily. Buffalo’s Turner Gill went 5-7.