Cursing habit is hard to break

Mr. Cheney, I was wondering if we could have a word with you?

What the $& do you want?

Excuse me?

Sorry, nothing personal, but ever since I told that &$! Leahy to go %&$! himself last week, I haven’t been able to stop cursing.

Why do you think that is, sir?

Well, it’s like I explained to the boys over at Fox News, it makes me feel soooooo good.

So if it feels good, do it?

%$& A.

There are differing versions of what happened between you and Sen. Leahy at that photo shoot in the Senate chambers. Can you give us your version?

What’s to tell? That $%& Leahy walks over to me and tries to make nice, and I told the %$! where to get off.

According to reports, you were upset with some accusations Leahy has made concerning you and your former company Halliburton.

You bet your &!$ I’m upset. Where’s that little &%$ get off saying Halliburton got all those no-bid contracts just because I’m calling the shots around here?

So Leahy’s charges are false?

That’s not the point, you dumb &%$. The point is Leahy shouldn’t be going public with this kind of $&%. The man has no integrity, the &%$.

Sort of an honor among thieves violation?

$&% right.

You’re smiling now, sir.

Yeah, I don’t know what it is, but this &% swearing really makes me feel warm all over.

Sir, I hesitate to bring this up, but there are those who say that the way you went off on Sen. Leahy is further indication that you are becoming a bit unhinged.

What in the $%&% are you talking about? Unhinged? You can take your unhinged and &%$, and when you’re done with that you can &%$ till the cows come home.

So then you won’t mind if I ask you about Michael Moore?

Not at all.

So what do you think about Mr. Moore?

I think this is America, and he can make any kind of %$!& film he wants.

That’s it?

That’s it, except I think the fat $%& is a left-wing terrorist, who is a $&% card-carrying member of the Democratic Party, which is a &%&! terrorist organization.

You’re getting a little flushed, Mr. Vice President.

And you want to know what I think of “Fahrenheit 9/11” I think it’s %$& propaganda. I think it’s the worst &%& movie ever made. I think it’s &%$ treasonous, and all the &%$ who go see it should be lined up and &$! shot.

And &%$&$&%$!! (now pounding on the table with his fist) &%$!$% YES. YES. YES.

Mr. Vice President, are you all right?

Whew! God, that was good for me. You wouldn’t have a cigarette, would you?

Jim Shea is a columnist for the Hartford Courant. Readers may send him e-mail at shea@courant.com.