Bill Clinton recently met with NBC executives in Los Angeles to chat up a talk-show possibility. Will the King of Smooth Talk take on the Queen of Daytime Talk, Oprah Winfrey? With a few, new Hollywood moves and in a New York state of mind, Bill may get the mother of all shows. Imagine:

Live from the Apollo Theater in Harlem one mean horn blower, still feeling our pain, our 42nd president, William Jefferson Clinton.

Hoots, hollers, applause. The sax moans “What I Did For Love.”

Clinton puts down his sax and goes into the adoring audience to kiss babies. Old habits are hard for old pols to break, but baby-kissing fits nicely with the show’s theme. It’s all about hope, man, about the future. Clinton’s new daytime TV show is part political gabfest, part game show, part spiritual revival. This American version of Sabado Gigante sizzles and oozes the meaning of is for a has-been.

Clinton kisses babies, squeezes their mamas, runs back on stage: “Thank you, thank you very much. We have a great show today. It’s not your old Democratic show or your standard Republican fare. It’s a third way of doing things, the Amer-ee-kun way. Before it’s over, we’ll have brought peace to the Middle East and turned around this lousy economy to the good, old Clinton days of prosperity. Remember, it’s the economy, stupid! But, first, let’s hear from one of our fine sponsors.”

Cut to a McDonald’s commercial. Clinton is holding up a super-size box of fries and noisily slurping a chocolate shake. He grins at the pretty cashier. “When life lets you down, it’s the Supersize that lifts you up.”

Back to the Apollo. Clinton’s sitting in his favorite armchair, one of the White House pieces that got mixed up in the move to New York. Simple mistake. Besides, no one seems to miss it. He’s chatting with British Prime Minister Tony Blair.

Clinton tells Blair: “So you looked plum out of place at W.’s ranch the other day, Tony. Bet you had a better time with me a couple of years ago. Remember the secret room by the Oval Office? What a party! Here’s your tie back.”

Blair turns beet red. “I enjoyed President Bush’s Texas ranch, but it was a difficult time because the Queen Mother had just died. I kept my tie on the whole time because we British are in mourning.”

Clinton smiles: “Well, today, Tony, we’re going to find out what’s really going on in Washington by taking the pulse on our streets. A big welcome for the Ladies of 14th Street. I used these ladies’ expertise in the eight years I was president, and they never let me down. They’re a great focus group.”

Blair squirms. Clinton cuts to commercial.

Back to a new segment, a game show: Where’s Hillary? Clinton, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and chomping on a Cuban, beats conga drums in front of a curtain. Behind the curtain lounge three mystery women. “Lookin’ for Love” plays in the background.

Clinton asks the first question: “Are you lonesome tonight?”

The three giggle. Mystery Woman 1 sings a smoky love song.

Clinton gasps. “Gennifer?”

The three giggle. MW 2 says in a sweet nasal pitch, “No excuses.”

Another gasp from Clinton: “Paula? You wearing jeans?”

She clears her throat. “Mrs. Jones to you, sir.”

More giggles. MW 3 pulls out a slice of hot pizza from her purse.

Clinton sniffs the aroma. “It’s that woman!”

Monica Lewinsky giggles before plugging her new Freedom line of purses for women who lust after leaders of the Free World.

Clinton lets out a big chuckle. He hollers to the crowd, “I feel good! And so does James Brown, who’s here today to perform one of my favorites, ‘Sex Machine.”‘

Brown, the poster bad boy of every man’s troubled past, makes all the right moves. Bill grabs his sax to join the Godfather of Soul on stage.

“Next up,” Clinton says, “two very special people. Ariel Sharon and Yasser Arafat. Daytime talk diplomacy right here live. We’re going to bring peace to the Middle East before W. wakes up from his afternoon nap. But first, this message from our friends at ADM, the supersized farming conglomerate that has found a third way to feed the world.”

Fade to black.