"...and if the opportunity and challenge of coaching an NFL team happens, it is something I would like to pursue."
Hahahahahahahahahaha.
OK, let's get the mirth out of the way quickly, so we can have a serious discussion about Steve Spurrier's immediately future.
"If" the opportunity presents itself? What? The newly retired Spurrier is sitting at home in Gainesville with his fingers crossed, hoping the owner of some NFL team will give him a jingle?
We all know that envious owners call him every year, praying that he'll chuck college football and bring his gift for offensive invention to their woeful teams. Does anyone have any doubt that at least one owner already has called to offer him a job, and that it's his as soon as the owner is in a comfortable position to fire the incumbent?
Not me. And I suspect not you. But which owner? And where does Spurrier best fit in the NFL? And can his Gainesville act work with professional football players? Those are all legitimate questions. Let's start with where he goes.
The San Diego Chargers and Minnesota Vikings are coachless. The Carolina Panthers will be after their final game today against the New England Patriots.
Two other clubs could be without coaches. A hammer is poised above the heads of Jim Mora of the Indianapolis Colts and over Tony Dungy of the Tampa Bay Bucs.
But even if president/general manager Bill Polian decides to terminate Mora, it's difficult to see Spurrier going to the Colts or San Diego. Both those teams have strong front office executives (general manager John Butler of the Chargers) who are not going to yield to Spurrier the total personnel power he will demand.
What about Tampa? Owner Malcolm Glazer has not disguised his admiration for Spurrier, who once coached the USFL franchise there, the Tampa Bay Bandits.
But Glazer would not only have to fire a popular coach in Tony Dungy, but a fine general manager in Rich McKay. Glazer would be justified in terminating Dungy if he does not go far in the playoffs. He has given Dungy everything he needs to reach the Super Bowl.
Glazer would be a fool, however, to dump McKay, who is one of the sharpest executives in the NFL.
One other club could enter the Spurrier sweepstakes: the Washington Redskins. Mercurial owner Daniel Snyder would have to fire Marty Schottenheimer, who he hired only this season. Snyder may want Spurrier badly, but why would Spurrier work for an impatient meddler like Snyder?
There is no one type of personality that wins. Don Shula was a hard guy with a foul temper. Tom Landry was a hard guy who just cut you rather than discuss it.
Bill Walsh and Marv Levy were coaching intellectuals. Mike Holmgren is Mr. Nice Guy until you cross him. Dennis Green, ousted this week at Minnesota, is the players' friend who coddled Randy Moss, the biggest jerk on his club.
Spurrier? He'll be personable and much loved in his new NFL city. But he'll need to run the entire show. I think Panthers owner Jerry Richardson would give him that power, and so would Red McCombs of the Vikings. As ill-advised as it is, so would Glazer.
I'll wager that within two weeks Spurrier is working in the NFL. All he has to do is hang by that phone.
No comments
Commenting is turned off for this story.