Because two people asked for it, I present the 2001 Jonesey Awards. The awards are named after me because they're mine. Mr. Oscar and Ms. Emmy would be so proud. Awards of shame are called the Wojos, named after former Duke point guard Steve Wojciechowski just because I don't like that guy.
The XFL Back-of-the-Jersey Phrase Wojo: "He Hate Me" was the wording adopted by former Las Vegas Outlaws star Rod Smart. Doesn't "seems" real smart to me.
The Missed Opportunity for Next Year's XFL Jersey Phrase: "He Fire Me."
But-at-Least-My-Name-is-Irish Wojo goes to George O'Leary, five-day coach of Notre Dame football. Turns out O'Leary's rmad more holes in it than the plot of "Ocean's Eleven." He lied not only about his playing career, but his education as well. In his honor, for the next year, any time I talk about my own high school basketball playing days, I'll use "O'Learyisms" to describe my game. "Yeah, I played. Heck, I started. I dunked, too. Often. So often, I had to name my dunks. I once went on a 16-0 run with just dunks."
We Would Have Liked it Better Had You Led the League in Beanballs Received Wojo goes to San Francisco Giant and new homerun king Barry Bonds. We didn't care how many homers you hit, Bonds, you're still an all-time sports jerk.
Let's Keep the Slashing on the Court Jonesey goes to Paul "The Boston Three Party" Pierce. The former Jayhawk and current Celtics small forward shook off an attack in late 2000, in which Pierce suffered a collapsed lung when he was repeatedly stabbed in the back, neck and face, to have a thus far banner year for the Celts. Had Pierce not survived the assault, the rumors of the Celtics Curse still being alive would have run rampant. Instead, Pierce currently is second in the league in scoring, third in steals, and only a decent point guard and a couple seasons away from his first NBA Finals MVP award.
I'm a Jayhawk, but Maybe Not Today Wojo for the most shameful moment to be a KU sports figure: (tie) Part A) Early dismissal of Terry Allen as head coach of the Jayhawks football program. With the season not yet completed, Allen was sent packing. The coach deserved to lose his job a year earlier, but firing him with games still left put the team in a state of limbo. They were already in a state of sucking, but cross that with limbo ... I don't know what you'd call it, but it wasn't pretty. Part B) Dismissal of Mario Kinsey from the football team. What a sad waste of a scholarship and a decent arm. Troubles with Mario-juana possession and stolen purses overshadowed anything Kinsey did for KU on the football team. Not the way anyone wants to be remembered. We all might do stupid things, but it takes a little extra stupidity when a late-night pizza company takes you down.
But I'm Darn Proud to be a Jayhawk these Other 363 Days Jonesey goes to (tie) Part A) True tailgating returns to Memorial Stadium when fans are allowed to once again consume alcoholic beverages in designated areas. The only complaint is that once the ball is kicked off, drinking is supposed to stop. The powers that be should realize that Jayhawk football is prettier on radio, and sometimes the fans would rather just chill with a beer in the parking lot. Part B) Jeff Boschee returns to North Dakota for a veritable Boschee lovefest. I don't know much about North Dakota, but it seems the people of that frigid region have class. Their favorite son returns to play on home soil, and they appropriately applaud him. Remember when Ryan Robertson would play in St. Louis and Columbia, and they'd boo him? Just another reason not to acknowledge Missouri as a state.
The Remember Jim Brown Wojo goes to Michael Jordan. Yeah, he's back. But to play for the Washington Wizards? Didn't they used to be the Bullets? Wasn't their claim to fame ... nothing? Forgive me for not being excited about the return of MJ. He should always have been a Bull.
If This Were Any More Exciting, it'd be "Gladiator Part II" Jonesey goes to the Arizona Diamondbacks and the Nueva York Yankees. That was an awesome World Series. The only way it could have been better would have been if a tiger would have leapt out of an underground cage whenever someone rounded third base.
The Soon to be in the Oprah Book Club Jonesey goes to Lance Armstrong and Ray Lewis. Armstrong battled back from cancer and won the toughest physical challenge in the world the Tour de France for the third time in a row. Ray Lewis, meanwhile, was stuck doing push-ups in jail with a murder rap placed on him. By last January, he was ruled innocent, fined by the NFL, and then, through an amazing display of speed and power, led the Ravens over the Giants as Super Bowl champions. I'm currently working on a screenplay pitch for Disney that has Armstrong helping prove Lewis' innocence, then peddling with him on his handlebars to arrive at the Super Bowl by halftime. It's a real tear-jerker.
You Look Like a Drunk Camel on Roller Skates Wojo goes to welterweight Zab Judah, who was knocked down three times with one punch. In the craziest fight of the year, Kostya Tszyu punched Judah silly in the second round to keep his IBC welterweight title. After the fight was stopped, Judah attacked the referee once he regained his motor skills. If I were Judah, I would have been more concerned recovering the platinum-plated teeth I just lost.
Best Case of Putting a Sick Dog Down Jonesey goes to the termination of the XFL. Much love for trying, but next time, back off a little bit with the WWF attitude if you want us to take your football seriously except for the cheerleaders. The WWF attitude of your cheerleaders was just fine.
Worst Case of a Sick Dog Wojo goes to the termination of my beloved Wichita Wings. The longest-running professional indoor soccer franchise in North America at 22 years, my boyhood heroes were all canned this year. I promise you now, if I hit the Powerball, the Wings are coming back. And I'm player/coach.
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