Let’s see, first I push the TV button, then power, then the cable button, then power again … and … Remember when you didn’t need a degree in advanced engineering to figure how to turn on a television and change the channel?

Remember when all you did with a telephone was answer it, instead of the 50 programming functions now explained in the 100-page owner’s manual that comes with every cell phone?

And why do I have to ask my young children for technical assistance for both the above-mentioned devices?

In a shocking development, there was this late-breaking case of common sense in the legal arena: “A British judge, saying customers should know coffee and tea are hot, ruled against 36 people who sued McDonald’s for being scalded after spilling the drinks on themselves.”

Why do women like to festoon dining tables with so many candles, flowers and centerpieces that diners can’t see each other during meals?

Even though I’m guilty of it, I’d still like to know why men always hang pictures too high.

I just thumbed through the February Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, which I held onto for research purposes, and I’d like someone to explain why bikinis small enough to fit into a man’s wallet all seem to cost $100 or more?

And why is it that I can buy a decent 19-inch color television with built-in VCR for the same amount I pay for a pair of eyeglasses?

What does it say that my children barely know who Tom Brokaw is, but are intimately familiar with Ozzy Osbourne, the burnt-out, ex-shock rocker whose odd family’s day-to-day life is now a popular MTV show?

Speaking of MTV, they offered wall-to-wall coverage of students on spring break, and what does it say that college girls these days are so willing to flash on camera, and flaunt how much they’ve put out for guys they’ve just met?

And a related question: Why is it, if men are supposed to be the lustful gender, that the cover blurbs on just about every women’s magazine displayed next to the candy counters of drugstores promise detailed articles about various graphic sex acts that you, too, can perform on your man tonight?

Why has there been a drought for three months, but now, almost every one of our Little League practices are getting rained out?

Latest case of a government proving it is guilty as charged: “Riyadh, Saudi Arabia The government has censored a leading Arabic-language newspaper after it published a column saying the Information Ministry controls the press in Saudi Arabia.”

Why is it that around the same week that high school seniors get their replies from college applications, we adults have to send our returns to the IRS? Another symbol of how life was more fun at 18.

Is there a reason when dogs feel sick to their stomachs they walk past tile and linoleum floors to find the thickest shag carpeting in the house?

Don’t you love those ads for anti-anxiety drugs assuring you that aside from the nausea, diarrhea, sexual dysfunction, gastrointestinal distress, insomnia, headaches, dry mouth and weight gain … you’ll feel a whole lot better?

Remember when families had only one phone number instead of four or five?

Finally, I don’t care how fashionable it is, I’m not going to shave my head.