Archive for Sunday, May 20, 2001

Widower’s remarriage raises grave problem

May 20, 2001


Dear Ann: I am a young widower with two children under age 8. My wife died two years ago and is buried in a beautiful cemetery approximately 10 minutes from my home. I recently met a wonderful woman through mutual friends. She is a widow, and we plan to be married sometime next year. Her late husband is buried in another cemetery that is several miles away.

I adore my fiancee, and I hope to be married to this woman for the rest of my life. When we pass on, we want to be buried together, but we do not want to leave our beloved spouses alone. We are considering having the bodies exhumed and reburied next to each other in a double plot. My fiancee and I would then buy another double plot next to them.

My in-laws are very much opposed to this. They say I should be buried next to the woman who gave birth to my children and it would be sacrilegious to move her body. They abhor the idea of her being buried next to another man.

Can you help us sort out this dilemma and arrive at some sensible conclusion that will be acceptable to one and all? We are too close to the situation to evaluate it objectively. Your input will be greatly appreciated. Perplexed in New Jersey

Dear New Jersey: I assume you already have a plot next to your late wife. If so, try to purchase two more plots adjacent to yours, and leave the center two for you and your new wife. Her late husband can be buried on the other side of her, and your late wife will remain on the other side of you. That way, you do not need to exhume your late wife's body, nor will she be buried next to a stranger.

If purchasing two additional plots is not possible, try to find four spaces in the same cemetery where your late wife is currently buried. Her family, I'm sure, would appreciate it.

If this sounds like playing musical chairs, please forgive me, but it's the most equitable solution I could come up with.

Dear Ann: I am a freshman in high school. My sister is a senior. So is my boyfriend, "John." We have been going together for three months, and we like each other a lot.

Here is my problem: John has invited me to be his date for the Senior Prom. My sister does not want me to accept his invitation. She considers this prom "hers." She says there will be several more proms coming up for me to attend, but this is her last one. She thinks it is unfair that I participate when I am only a freshman. I understand how she feels, but it's John's prom, too, and he wants me to go with him.

I have very mixed feelings about this. I am close to my sister and don't want to make her angry, but I like John a lot and don't want him to take another girl, which he might do if I don't accept his invitation. What do you say, Ann? I really need your opinion on this. Pittsburgh Problem

Dear Pittsburgh: Your sister does not own the prom. It is not her private party. Since John invited you, you have a perfect right to accept his invitation. Stand your ground, and don't let Sis push you around.

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