Am I the only one tired of shows about lawyers, doctors and cops? Obviously not. The networks' monotonous obsession with these professions has driven millions to turn to the numbing banality of so-called reality TV. I'd rather watch Kimmi get voted off the island than endure the 14th new show about lawyers, wouldn't you?
As if to prove my point, NBC trots out "First Years" (8 p.m.). It's yet another drama about young lawyers and their sex lives. It's scheduled to compete with "Ally McBeal," which is, of course, about lawyers and their sex lives.
"First Years" concerns a gaggle of photogenic first-year lawyers. Called "associates," they are considered slaves by their seniors and called upon to do a lot of menial work and put in long hours. To pool their resources, they live together in a fabulous house in San Francisco's Haight-Ashbury district. All of them except Anna (Samantha Mathis), who lives alone. This allows us to see her wake up after a night of anonymous sex and cry out "Where are my panties?" at least five times as she rushes off to her busy life as a lawyer.
Tonight, the grunts, including Anna, Warren (Mackenzie Astin), Egg (James Roday) and Miles (Ken Marino) are assigned to find dirt on the doctor who left the nasty ex-wife of their boss at the altar. He doesn't want to save her dignity. He just wants to stop paying her alimony.
Meanwhile Riley (Sydney Tamiia Poitier) is put in the awkward position of arguing the case of a black woman felon who wants to renounce her decision to give up her baby when she discovers that the adopting parents are white. It's awkward because, as we discover to plinking piano music, Riley's own mother is white.
The makers of "First Years" have clearly studied from David E. Kelley. Mix five parts smarmy sex talk with one part cloying poignancy, shake and serve. Like a lot of cocktails, "First Years" left me feeling nauseated. If you want to suffer a hangover from something this sickly and sweet, stick to "Ally McBeal."
- Heiress and former famous fugitive Patricia Hearst hosts the two-hour documentary "Secrets of San Simeon with Patricia Hearst" (8 p.m., Travel Channel). Patricia's grandfather and turn-of-the-century media mogul William Randolph Hearst clearly had a passion for art collecting, entertaining and showmanship. Hearst shares family secrets about the intimate nooks and hiding places in the opulent mansion.
"Secrets" also provides a thumbnail biography of the mercurial press lord who inspired "Citizen Kane." Highly entertaining.
Tonight's other highlights
- Actress and director Diane Keaton is profiled on "Intimate Portrait" (6 p.m., Lifetime). Then you can catch Keaton's Oscar-winning film "Annie Hall" (11 p.m., Turner Classic Movies).
- Terrifying moments on "The Crocodile Hunter" (7 p.m., NBC).
- Pierce Brosnan stars in the 1999 magma movie "Dante's Peak" (7 p.m., ABC).
- Exotic animals in remote locales are celebrated on "Lost Worlds" (7 p.m., Animal Planet), the first in a week-long series called "South America Revealed."
- A new vacuum cleaner inspires a dust-busting battle between Marie and Debra on "Everybody Loves Raymond" (8 p.m., CBS).
- Vacationing partners leave Ally in charge on "Ally McBeal" (8 p.m., Fox).
- Fighting for a liver transplant on "Gideon's Crossing" (9 p.m., ABC).
Series notes
- "Boston," "7th," "Hughleys," "Girlfriends" and "Gilmore" are repeats ... Baby-sitting Arthur on "King of Queens" (7 p.m., CBS) ... Lauren locks lips with fellow faculty on "Boston Public" (7 p.m., Fox) ... Concert plans go astray on "Moesha" (7 p.m., UPN) ... Mary's ex moves in on "7th Heaven" (7 p.m., WB).
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