Dear Ann: Fifty years ago, my husband had an affair with a co-worker. The woman said she couldn't live without "David," and threatened suicide if he didn't leave me. Since we had two young children at home and I had no job skills, I refused to give my husband a divorce. He said it would be MY fault if she did indeed kill herself. Nonetheless, we managed to stay together, and the woman did not commit suicide.
Fifty years is a long time to carry such a burden, although the pain of his affair has lessened over the years. The other day I decided to call this woman and tell her I had forgiven her. Guess what? She had a hard time figuring out who I was, and she barely remembered my husband. In fact, I'm not sure she remembered him at all. I could kick myself when I think of all the heartache I went through for 50 years, while "the Other Woman" could not even remember what I was talking about.
I don't know if there's a moral to this story, Ann, but I thought your readers might like to know what can happen after time passes. Anonymous in Pennsylvania
Dear Anon.: Time does indeed heal all wounds, and apparently, it does something to the memory of what caused those wounds, which is a good thing. Even though you might have felt a bit foolish after making that call, it was the right thing to do since it created closure for you. Consider it a plus.
Dear Ann: My daughter's husband left her and their 2-year-old daughter last year. I stepped in and helped support them until "Carla" could get a decent job. I paid for her divorce attorney and took care of my granddaughter. Carla paid me back and is now doing quite well.
Carla's company recently rewarded her hard work with a four-day trip to a lovely resort. I told her I would give my eyeteeth for such a vacation. Do you think she invited me? No, she did not. Carla said she had no interest in traveling with her mother and instead invited a gay male friend to accompany her. When I told her how disappointed I was, she said I was selfish and self-centered. On top of that, she wants me to baby-sit for my granddaughter while she is away.
Am I wrong to think she should have asked me to go with her? I haven't had a vacation in years and could have used a few days away. A Hurt Mom Out West
Dear Hurt Mom: It would have been nice if Carla invited you, but she may be planning to spend this vacation looking for available men, and having her mother along could be a major obstacle. Carla is not obligated to provide you with a vacation. If you'd like to get away, Mom, make some arrangements and go.
Dear Ann: This is in response to "Your Former Classmate in Illinois," who didn't want to attend his 20-year high school reunion because he was not popular in school. In fact, he was considered a "loser."
I, too, had a difficult time in high school. But after 20 years, those high school kids are totally different people. I went to my 10-year reunion a few years back and discovered that the class clown was a college professor, and several "screw-ups" had straightened out some even owned successful businesses. A few notorious bullies turned out to be loving parents, proudly passing around pictures of their children.
I believe "Illinois" will be missing a lot if he decides not to attend the reunion. I hope he listens to your advice and works through his anger. Let me know if you hear from him again. Older and Wiser in Wisconsin
Dear Older and Wiser: Several readers wrote to express the same viewpoint. If I hear from "Illinois" again, I'll print his letter.
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