All-Big 12 Conference men's basketball teams have been published this week. So have lists of specialty teams.
Now it's time for my annual All-Whatever teams.
All-Battleship
Richard Fox, Colorado
John Flippen, Baylor
Nolan Butterfras, Texas A&M
Jack Marlow, Oklahoma State
Jason Keep, Oklahoma State
Note: Marlow, who checks in at 6-foot-11, 300 pounds, and Keep, who is listed at 6-10, 290, when placed together are about the same size as former Missouri human continent Monte Hardge.
All-Southpaw
Kareem Rush, Missouri
Nolan Johnson, Oklahoma
Bernard King, Texas A&M
Jamal Brown, Texas Tech
Nick Collison, Kansas
Note: Yes, yes, I know Collison is right-handed, but he also has a nifty little lefty shot inside and, to tell the truth, there aren't enough left-handers in the Big 12 this season to count on one hand.
All Bye-Bye
Galen Morrison, Kansas State
Josh Kimm, Kansas State
Mario Kinsey, Kansas
J.R. Raymond, Oklahoma
Pat Schumacher, Missouri
Note: For one reason or another, these players were on rosters at the beginning of the season, but not at the end.
All-Forgettable
Michael Morandais, Colorado
Richie Terry, Kansas State
Kevin Augustine, Nebraska
John Robinson II, Nebraska
Antonie Broxsie, Oklahoma State
Note: I know I saw all five of these players on the floor, but darned if I can remember any of them doing anything memorable.
All-Foreign Born
Martin Rancik, Iowa State
Ivan Sulic, Kansas State
T.J. Soyoye, Missouri
Kimani Ffriend, Nebraska
Fredrik Jn, Oklahoma State
Note: Oklahoma State's Jason Keep is from Moscow, but it's the Moscow in potato country, not Russia.
All-Sunflower State
Phineas Atchison, Kansas State
Kantrail Horton, Iowa State
Brannon Hays, Texas Tech
Blair Wilson, Colorado
Kelley Newton, Oklahoma
Note: I had a bad dream the other night that the Jayhawks were recruiting a couple of seven-footers named Tommy Topeka and Larry Leavenworth.
All-U.S. Presidents
Quentin Buchanan, Kansas State
Roosevelt Brown, Texas
Arthur Johnson, Missouri
Lewis Harrison, Kansas
Marcus Jefferson, Iowa State
Note: Jefferson, a 6-5 transfer from Providence, red-shirted this season.
All-Ja-something
Jamahl Mosley, Colorado
Jamaal Tinsley, Iowa State
Jameel Haywood, Oklahoma
Jamaal Gilchrist, Texas A&M
Jamal Brown, Texas Tech
Note: All of 'em can jam, too.
All-Porky Pig
Kimani Ffriend, Nebraska
Cookie Bbelcher, Nebraska
Steffon Bbradford, Nebraska
Cary Ccochran, Nebraska
Rodney Ffields, Nebraska
Note: Th-th-that's all, folks.
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