If you get on the Web and bring up the site of Mensa International, the society of super brains, you can take a test that will tell you if you might consider applying for membership in the organization.
I'm not sure I could answer a tenth correctly, but it made me wonder what a Mensa test with an NBA theme might contain.
So with apologies to Mensa, give this 10-question quiz a try.
1. Two NBA players, starting at the same point, walk in opposite directions for four meters, turn left and walk another three meters. Why?
a. To avoid the dreaded illegal defense call.
b. To go to the benches during one of the countless TV timeouts.
c. To get autographs of Jack Nicholson and Dyan Cannon.
d. To head for the overpriced concessions stands.
2. Which of the following sentences below means approximately the same as the proverb: "Don't count your chickens until they are hatched."
a. If Kobe and Shaq think they're unbeatable, they'll have egg on their faces.
b. Phil Jackson never met a pullet he didn't philsophize about.
c. You won't lure the San Diego Chicken to the NBA Finals with the promise of hard corn.
d. Over easy, but hold the hash browns.
3. Shaq is to apple as dinosaur is to
a. Mount Everest.
b. The Milky Way.
4. Which of the following is least like the others?
a. Larry Brown.
b. Greg Ostertag.
c. Big Bird.
d. Eric Chenowith.
5. Which of these is the odd one out?
a. Lara Croft, Tomb Raider.
b. Jerry Rice, Oakland Raider.
c. Indiana Jones, Raider of the Lost Ark.
d. The Lakers' Isaiah Rider.
6. Sally likes 225, but not 224. She likes 900, but not 800. She likes 144, but not 145. What does she like?
a. The Lakers in four.
b. The Lakers in five.
c. The Lakers in six.
d. The Sixers to show up.
7. When Larry Brown was at Kansas, which of the following was his favorite expression?
a. Um, special.
b. I'm happy here. I'm not leaving.
c. I'm not leaving. I'm happy here.
d. I don't know why I have such itchy feet. Maybe I need some Desenex.
8. Which is an incorrect answer to the following: Allen Iverson is to shooting a basketball as a raindrop is to
a. The 1951 Kansas flood.
b. Hurricane Andrew.
c. The Pacific Ocean.
d. The moon.
9. Which of the following is a palindrome of Sixers' center Dikembe Mutombo's name?
a. Obmotum Ebmekid.
b. Dikombo Embemut.
c. Gheorge Muresan.
d. None of the above.
10. If you count from 1 to 100 and are watching the second quarter of an NBA basketball game, how high can you count before you fall asleep?
d. None of the above.
1. c. But only in Los Angeles. Nobody famous has lived in Philadelphia since Benjamin Franklin died.
2. a. The Lakers are heavily favored.
3. c. Jupiter is the largest planet and Shaq is Earth's largest human.
4. a. Larry Brown is not a seven-footer.
5. d. The Lakers' Isaiah Rider is on the injured list.
6. d. Sally likes the Sixers to show up, at least for the first four games unless Brown becomes petulant and then you never know.
7. a. Brown will undoubtedly use the same expression if the Sixers defeat the Lakers in tonight's game.
8. d. The moon contains no water.
9. d. You won't be able to make a palindrome out of Mutombo's name unless he changes it to Otto Otto or Bob Bob.
10. d. Trick question. You can't count to 100 in the second quarter because you fell asleep in the first quarter.