Archive for Thursday, July 19, 2001

Sister’s interference makes reconciliation difficult for couple

July 19, 2001

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Dear Ann: I have been married to "Larry" for 20 years, the last 10 of which have been very unhappy. Six months ago, I moved out because I needed some time to myself. I also located an old boyfriend and started an e-mail correspondence with him. The old boyfriend and I spent a weekend together, which was lovely, but we decided friendship would be better than romance. I moved back home four weeks ago, and Larry and I are trying to put our marriage back on track.

The problem is my sister. She took it upon herself to tell Larry that I slept with my old boyfriend. I am so angry with her that I can't see straight. I called her up and yelled at her, but she says Larry has a right to know that I am only "using" him. This isn't true, Ann. I want my marriage to work, but now Larry says he will never forgive me for cheating on him.

I don't think my sister had any right to interfere in my marriage. Now I've lost my husband's trust and love, and I am estranged from my sister. I want to fix this, but don't know how. Can you help me, Ann? Lost in Pennsylvania

Dear Pennsylvania: Your dear sister really did a number on you. Shame on her! What was her objective? Can it be that she has her eye on Larry?

Whatever the reason, tell Larry you want desperately to make the marriage work and hope he will go with you for counseling. Also, apologize profusely for your act of unfaithfulness, and vow that it will never happen again. Let's face it, your marriage needed fixing. Give it one last effort. If Larry isn't willing, move on.

Dear Ann: When I read your column about snoring, I knew I had to write my first letter to you.

I married a man who snored, and I listened to him for 60 years. He was a champion snorer. The sheets on the bed fluttered. The light fixtures rattled. The bedsprings hummed. Flat on his back, completely relaxed, away from the cares of the day, and oblivious to the world and its problems, he slept and gathered strength for another day. Did I complain? NO! Why? Because I loved him dearly and was happy he could get some rest. I knew he was in my bed and that he was mine. To me, his snore was the most beautiful lullaby in the world. It was better than any sleep medication. He has been gone almost seven years, but occasionally I will wake up, not hearing his snore, and reach over to see if he is all right.

Women, stop complaining. If you loved the guy enough to marry him, if you vowed to love him for better or worse, in sickness and in health, until death parts you, be grateful he is snoring in your bed. E.L., Yankton, S.D.

Dear E.L. in S.D.: What a sweet letter. Every man who snores will love it. I have mentioned rather recently that snoring can be a symptom of serious health problems and some snoring can now be "fixed" if he (or she) is willing to undergo a simple surgical procedure. For those who don't want to "fix it," I wish you a bed partner as understanding as E.L.

Dear Ann: A friend of ours is getting married soon, and he and his bride-to-be are having a fund-raiser for the wedding. Guests are expected to pay an entrance fee to the wedding, and then buy food and beverages at the reception. They will also bid on items such as bottles of wine. All proceeds go to the couple. Naturally, we are expected to bring a gift as well.

I find this to be in the worst possible taste. Am I out of touch? What would you do, Ann? Wedding Guests in Iowa

Dear Iowa: I would pass up this "fund-raiser" and send a nice $3 card.

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