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Archive for Sunday, November 5, 2000

Husband should look at self before criticizing his wife

November 5, 2000

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Dear Ann: I would like to respond to the letter from "Divorcing Her in Massachusetts." Apparently, the man who wrote is not getting much sexual excitement from his wife and is unhappy about it. He said she has become a "drab, sloppy mommy." But he failed to mention anything about his own weight gain or personal hygiene. Here are some questions I would like to ask him:

Do you look like a fashion plate at all times, or is your wife the only one who has become a slob? Have you gained any weight since you married?

Do you spend every evening watching TV while your wife cleans up after the dinner she prepared after working an eight-hour day?

You say your wife is "overly involved" with the children, which leaves her too tired for sex. How many children are we talking about? Do you pitch in to help her with the baths, the homework, packing lunches, brushing teeth, tucking in, or reading bedtime stories? I'll bet not.

When you make love, are you interested in whether or not she is enjoying herself, or are you in a hurry to have your fun and go to sleep? Maybe there's a reason she is not a very lively bed partner.

Do you ever offer to vacuum, do a load of laundry or (heaven forbid) clean the toilets occasionally? Most men I know turn a blind eye to all the work their wives do during the day. They forget that her job doesn't end at 5 p.m. like his.

It really steams my clams when I hear men whining because they aren't getting enough bounce time in the bedroom. Why doesn't he treat her like his sweetheart once in a while bring her flowers, take her to dinner, lend a hand around the house or help with the kids?

"Massachusetts"' wife sounds like she's about ready to show him the door. He sounds selfish and spoiled rotten. There's a lot more to marriage than sex, and it's high time more husbands woke up and smelled the coffee, or better yet, made the coffee and serve their wives the first cup in bed. Busy Mom in Montana

Dear Montana Mom: You spoke for a great many women today, and I thank you. The so-called "average" wife and homemaker is, in reality, a heroine, although she never considers herself "special." Well, I do, and want her to know it.

Dear Ann: Your advice to "Undecided Mom" was perfect. Her son had gotten his girlfriend pregnant, and her parents had thrown her out of the house. You told "Mom" she should continue to let the girl live with them.

Our daughter became pregnant immediately after she graduated from high school. She married the young man (they were very much in love), and we insisted that they move in with us.

They were grateful and lived with us until he graduated from law school. They are on their own now and doing very well. Our daughter is a wonderful mother. Our son-in-law is a hardworking attorney and a terrific husband and father. Our granddaughter is beautiful and smart and the joy of our lives.

The five years they spent in our home were somewhat chaotic and occasionally stressful. There was never a dull moment, but those years were also a blessing. We don't regret a minute of it. Happy Grandpa in D.C.

Dear D.C.: Did you say five years? I hope your daughter and her husband realize how fortunate they were to have had such a sturdy safety net. You were certainly there for them when they needed you. I hope my readers, should they find themselves in the same spot, will remember your letter and consider you as a role model.




Write to Ann Landers c/o The Journal-World, P.O. Box 888, Lawrence 66044

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