Hopscotching the sports wire for headlines while wondering if I'll ever point my web browser to galleryfurniture.com.
Item: Arizona hires John Mackovic, a man who couldn't win at Texas, to replace Dick Tomey as head football coach.
Comment: In the lore of Arizona football, the words "Bear Down" are as famous as "Win One for the Gipper." Now many of the Arizona faithful must be lobbying to change "Bear Down" to "Are You Kidding Me?"
Item: Pepper Rodgers, now 69 and the last man to coach Kansas University to a conference football championship, is hired by the Washington Redskins to the newly created position of vice president of football operations.
Comment: Next thing we know Washington will be hiring Pro Football Hall of Famer John Riggins, a former Redskin standout who played for Rodgers at Kansas, as vice president in charge of football fun.
Item: Three quarterbacks Drew Brees of Purdue, Josh Heupel of Oklahoma and Chris Weinke of Florida State and running back LaDainian Tomlinson of Texas Christian are named finalists for the Heisman Trophy.
Comment: Whatever happened to Michael Vick? That ankle injury seems to have vapo-rubbed him out of contention.
Item: The St. Louis Cardinals raise the cost of their priciest seat from $30 to $36 and their cheapest bleacher seat from $8 to $10.
Comment: You wanna watch Mark McGwire on the downhill side of his career, it's gonna cost you.
Item: Denny Neagle, a 32-year-old left hander the New York Yankees didn't want anymore, signs a five-year, $51.5 million contract with the Colorado Rockies.
Comment: I'd pitch in Denver for $5.3 million a year. You'd pitch in the thin air for $5.3 million a year. But if I were Neagle I'd have demanded they move the fences back 50 feet before I stepped on the slab in Coors Field.
Item: Kansas University remains unbeaten, but drops from second to third in the weekly Associated Press basketball poll.
Comment: Apparently the voters were unimpressed by the Jayhawks' unlacing of Middle Tennishoe State and the desultory tippy-toe past Illequipped State.
Item: The Kansas City Wizards make a deal with the Miami Fusion for Roy Lassiter, the leading scorer in MLS history.
Comment: I'm assuming this deal is the pro soccer equivalent of the Chiefs making a swap for Marshall Faulk or the Royals trading for Roger Clemens, not that the Chiefs need a running back or the Royals a starting pitcher.
Item: Officials announce the Olympic torch will take a serpentine 65-day course through America, going through 46 states by the time it arrives in Salt Lake City for the 2002 Winter Games.
Comment: It would be my suggestion that the men and women who carry the Olympic torch in January and early February of 2002 hoist the torch in one hand and hold a hand-warmer in the other.
Item: Lou "The Toe" Groza, one of the NFL's best place-kickers with the old Cleveland Browns, is buried in Berea, Ohio.
Comment: Funny, isn't it, how nicknames evolve. If Groza had kicked with a toe, he would have broken it. Groza should have been "The Foot" or "The Leg" or "The Boot." Then again, Groza played in an anatomically incorrect era. Just ask Elroy "Crazy Legs" Hirsch.