Boulder, Colo. Well, I guess Saturday could have been worse for Kansas football coach Terry Allen. At least his wife, Lynn, didn't drown in San Francisco Bay.
"That's about the only good thing that happened today," a glum Allen said while dressing after the Jayhawks' offense disappeared somewhere between Denver and the Flatirons.
Word reached Allen about halftime that his wife had completed the Alcatraz XIX Triathlon -- swimming, biking and running in the San Francisco area -- in a little under four hours.
Word did not filter down how Allen's wife felt afterward, but surely she couldn't have felt worse than the Kansas football coach did after his 3-hour and 20-minute buttkick-a-thon in Boulder.
Sorry I forgot to bring my thesaurus on this road trip. Otherwise I'm sure I could come up with more descriptive terms to describe Kansas' offense than putrid, rotten, gawdawful, inept, stinking, non-existent, crummy and swamp gassy.
If Kansas' offense was bilge, they'd be pumping all night. Kansas' offense would have sent a skunk high-tailing it for Estes Park. Kansas' offense looked like last week's beans taste. Phew.
Let's see " 25 rushes for 26 yards. Great. And 146 yards passing. Oh, boy. And all this against a team that surrendered 41 points to Colorado State two weeks ago and 35 to San Jose Can You See State last week.
"I thought we'd be able to score on 'em," Allen said. "I really did."
So did everybody else. OK, Kansas did score 17 points, but the two touchdowns were gifts -- one a blocked punt by linebacker Tim Bowers that teammate Greg Erb covered in the Colorado end zone. The other TD -- an eight-yard pass from Dylen Smith to Michael Chandler -- came minutes after Kansas took over on the CU 15 following a fumble recovery.
Kansas DID earn its Joe Garcia field goal with :43 showing before halftime, thanks mainly to Smith's 44-yard pass to Harrison Hill. Take away that 44-yard pass, however, and Kansas gained 128 yards on 56 plays, or an average of 2.3 yards per play.
If the game had lasted any longer, they would have had to fumigate Folsom Field.
Many years ago, the Los Angeles Dodgers had an outfielder named Willie Davis. No one doubted Davis had great ability. It was just that sometimes Davis seemed to sleepwalk through games, and the rallying cry around the National League was: "Don't wake Willie Davis up."
Kansas awakened Willie Davis on Saturday. That 33-17 victory over the Buffaloes last year in Lawrence was like pouring a gallon of caffeine down the CU players' throats. The Buffs were the only Big 12 team to lose to Kansas last year. Not a happy thought, obviously.
KU tailback David Winbush gained 268 yards against the Buffs last year. Saturday he had a dozen yards in 11 carries. Winbush had a bullseye on his back and he knew it. Winbush could see the whites next to their noses.
"A couple of times I looked up and saw Jashon Sykes looking right into my eyes," Winbush said, "so I knew they had somebody on me."
Sykes, an inside linebacker, led Colorado in tackles with nine. Actually, Sykes shared the lead with strong safety Michael Lewis who no doubt did some Winbush eyeball-peeking of his own.
"(Colorado) talked about redemption," Winbush said while standing on crutches outside the KU locker room, "and they got it in a big way."
Winbush, who turned an ankle late in the third quarter, is expected back for next Saturday's San Diego State game in Memorial Stadium.
That'll be the time for Winbush and the rest of the KU offensive players to redeem themselves for Saturday's odorous peformance. Just in case, though, if you have tickets, you may want to take along some nose plugs.
-- Chuck Woodling's phone message number is 832-7147. His e-mail address is firstname.lastname@example.org.