Archive for Friday, May 8, 1992

SLEEP DEPRIVATION HATCHES WEIGHTY THOUGHTS

May 8, 1992

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It's not uncommon for brains to turn to mush in the middle of the finals period.

At the same time, however, the late nights, lack of sleep and reliance on chemical motivation such as caffeine, and lots of it tend to bring one closer to discovering the meaning of life. Trouble is, by the time finals are over and you get back to a more normal sleep schedule, you forget all of the answers.

So I decided to jot down a few of the thoughts I've had during the past few weeks as a sort of psychic purging, a taking out of the proverbial mental garbage. If some of these sound warped or off-the-wall, forgive me. I'm dealing with a lot of stuff here.

You know you haven't had enough sleep when you awaken with the taste of toothpaste still fresh in your mouth.

If all of the amazing discoveries advertised on late-night television are new, how do they find so many people to provide testimonials to their effectiveness? If Thighmaster, for example, is a new invention, how did they find so many people who've trimmed their flabby thighs the easy way?

THERE'S A new doll out now called the Treasure Troll, or something like that. The big thing with this doll aside from its ugly hair style is the jewell stuck in its stomach that, supposedly, is "just right for wishing on." Heck, for $10.95 plus tax I'd stick a hunk of plastic in my navel and let all sorts of folks wish on it.

Supposedly, officials will crack down on the consumption of alcohol at Kansas University's commencement this year. I guess all of those lucky May grads will have to get tanked before climbing the hill. Then again, those gowns are mighty roomy ...

Life wouldn't be the same without Joe's Bakery.

Why do the nutritious cereals never have any good toys? When deciding between sugar-coated, honey-dipped, frosted cookie-Os with a great prize inside or all-natural, double-bran, twice-baked fiber biscuits, I'd take the junk anyday.

WHAT'S THE point of decaf coffee?

The Kansas City Royals could lose 100 games this year. They probably won't, but it'll be interesting to see how close they come. Speaking of the Royals, I was shocked when Amos Otis, a former Royal and a boyhood hero of mine, admitted to using a corked bat. When Freddie Patek comes clean, I'll really be devastated.

If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

The greatest term I learned this semester was Gondwanaland. It was some sort of supercontinent that broke off from Pangaea, THE mother of all supercontinents, in plate tectonic theory. (See, I wasn't dozing in my geology course after all).

Gee, it appears none of these really gets anyone any closer to the meaning of life. My bad. Gimme a break. It's finals time.

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