With one week remaining in the Big Eight basketball's regular season, the envelope, please. . .
All-Southpaw Team Rex Walters, Kansas; Anthony Peeler, Missouri; Julius Michalik, Iowa State; Randy Robinson, Colorado; James Hunter, Colorado.
All-Northpaw Team Byron Houston, Oklahoma State; Alonzo Jamison, Kansas; Damon Patterson, Oklahoma; Jevon Crudup, Missouri; Derrick Chandler, Nebraska.
Best Player Who Can't Score a Lick Poncho Hodges, Colorado.
Worst Shooter Johnny Terrell, Colorado. But teammate Billy Law is in the hunt.
Best Player Who Doesn't Score Alonzo Jamison, Kansas.
Worst Player Who Does Score Jeff Webster, Oklahoma.
All-Newcomer Team Rex Walters, Kansas; Donnie Boyce, Colorado; Derrick Chandler, Nebraska; Fred Hoiberg, Iowa State; Jamar Johnson, Nebraska.
Best Player Who Sat Out Last Season Kansas' Rex Walters. Runnerup: Oklahoma's Damon Patterson.
Player I'd Most Like to Have Shooting Threes When He's Hot, but Don't Want Him on the Floor When He's Not Askia Jones, Kansas State.
Best Ball-Handler Marcus Zeigler, Kansas State. In the Wildcats' two games against Kansas, Zeigler played 74 minutes and turned the ball over twice.
Worst Ball-Handler Donnie Boyce, Colorado. He leads the league in turnovers by a bundle.
All-Adios Team Darryl King, Kansas State; Saun Jackson, Iowa State; Sean Tunstall, Kansas; KeKe Hicks, Oklahoma; Sam Mack, Houston (honorary member).
All-Juco Transfer Team Poncho Hodges, Colorado; Derrick Chandler, Nebraska; Eric Pauley, Kansas; Ron Bayless, Iowa State; Vincent Jackson, Kansas State.
Mr. Assist Poncho Hodges, Colorado. Yep, it's him again. Hodges averages 30 minutes a game and has a grand total of five assists.
Best Player Who Hasn't Started a Game Lamont Frazier, Missouri.
Best Player Who Has Started Only One Game Steve Woodberry, Kansas.
Best Three-Point Shooter Anthony Peeler, Missouri.
Worst Three-Point Shooter Fred Hoiberg, Iowa State. He's made just 21 percent of his treys.
Best Free Throw Shooter Fred Hoiberg, Iowa State. He leads the league at 83.8 percent from the foul line.
Best Shooter Richard Scott, Kansas. He leads the league in FG percentage by a bunch at 64.7.
Worst Free Throw Shooter Richard Scott, Kansas. He's last in the league in FT percentage by a bigger bunch at 34.9.
Best Coaching Job While Wearing a Sports Shirt Oklahoma's Billy Tubbs in 70-67 victory at Oklahoma State.
Worst Coaching Job While Wearing a Sports Shirt Oklahoma's Billy Tubbs in 84-65 loss at Kansas.
Best Nickname Colorado's Poncho Hodges. He's everywhere, isn't he? Hodges' real first name is Darrel.
Worst Nickname Oklahoma State's Binky Triplett. His real first name is Jonathon. (Note: Triplett isn't a triplet, nor is he a twin).
All-Freshman Team Donnie Boyce, Colorado; Fred Hoiberg, Iowa State; Ben Davis, Kansas; Bryant Reeves, Oklahoma State; Julius Michalik, Iowa State. Honorable mention: Brian Henson, Kansas State.
Best Real First Name Kansas' Adonis Jordan. For the third straight year.
Worst Real First Name Oklahoma's Bryatt Vann. Bryatt???
All-Disappointment Team Carl Hayes, Nebraska; Terry Evans, Oklahoma; Deryl Cunningham, Kansas State; Gaylon Nickerson, Kansas State; Trasel Rone, Kansas State.
Player With Best Lawyer Missouri's Jamal Coleman.
Worst Socks Would you believe Poncho Hodges again? I sure hope he has enough room on his mantle for all these trophies.